MANAGING OPPOSITIONAL BEHAVIOR IN SCHOOL OR AT HOME
First, if you get into a power-struggle with the child, you have lost. Here is an approach that allows you to get out of that power struggle, while not reinforcing the child’s oppositional behaviors.
“You are having a bad day” approach:
1. Child acts aggressively or in an oppositional manner.
2. You say, “That is not like you, Joe.” (even if it is) “You must be having a rough day/must be tired/must not be feeling well.” In other words, the child is not reprimanded or scolded, which only sets him or her up to challenge you, and the power struggle ensues.
3. “I know how it feels to be having a hard day.” More non-judgmental conversation.
4. “Why don’t you lie down/go to the time-out section of the room.” The idea is that the child is removed from what is going on.
5. If the child misses out on something while he or she is “resting,” that would be helpful (cookie-time, fun activity, you get the idea). The secret is not to tell him or her that he is missing out, but that the child discovers this on his or her own.
6. After the child has “rested,” tell him that you are sure tomorrow will be a better day.
7. Do this every time!
Ticket/Token Approach:
1. Buy either some poker chips or game tickets. Kids love prizes they can hold, not just stickers they can see.
2. Tell the child “we are playing a game. You get a ticket every time you do something the first time I ask (child can’t be oppositional), nicely, without a fuss, etc.”
3. Every ticket is worth five minutes of the child’s favorite activity. The secret is this: The child CANNOT access the activity any other way. No ticket, no Nintendo. So pick something that you can monitor completely.
4. The child gets tickets but you do NOT remind him or her to do the things that help him get tickets. This only puts you in a power struggle. You are just the ticket person- you hand them out for the specified behavior, and you take them when the child wants to cash them in.
5. The more desired the activity, the better this will work.