Attn: DanaPoints
Editor-in-Chief
Parents Magazine
Dear Dana,
The “French Lessons” article published in the January edition of Parents magazine was right on point. Just as the author, Debra Ollivier, expressed, I agree that we could take a lesson from the French in the way that we raise our children. As parents we need to learn to relax our parenting style and allow our children to grow and thrive, rather than to adopt the “helicopter parenting” that we see here in the United States.
My friend is always amazed when she visits and observes my two children, ages 7 and 3, putting their own dishes away in the dishwasher after a meal and correctly loading and unloading the dishwasher. By the age of 2 my daughter knew how to put the away the silverware, correctly knowing the difference between where to put the small spoons and big spoons. I don’t say this to brag about my children, but to demonstrate that children live up to the expectations that you have for them.
Many parents adopt the philosophy “let children be children” and believe that children should not have chores or responsibilities until they are adults. They are the typical “helicopter parents”; doing everything for her children, from hovering over their kids during a play date to picking up all of their toys when they are through. I strongly disagree with this theory because there is not a magic switch that changes a child into an adult. How can you expect your child to grow into a responsible adult who keeps his home clean, launders his own clothes and cooks his own meals, if you do not teach him how to do these things? Children need to learn responsibility throughout childhood, not upon becoming an adult.
Our most important role as parents is to teach our kids the skills that prepare them to leave the nest. I believe that many parents are scared to let their children grow up so they purposely do not teach them how to “fly” out of the nest, subconsciously wanting their children to depend on them throughout adulthood. This is neither safe nor beneficial for our children. If parents want their children to grow into successful, responsible adults, they need to begin teaching them today and not wait until they are 18 and when it is too late.
I encourage your readers to begin providing children with age appropriate chores, such as allowing a 2 year old to help dust, 4 year old to bake or 6 year old take out the trash. This will begin to plant the seed of responsibility and their children benefit not only from learning necessary skills, but from the increase in confidence they receive by feeling like a productive member of the family.
Thank you for bringing an alternative view to this controversial topic in Parents magazine.
Sincerely,
Stacy