Hey, where's my email?

For about a week recently, I was unable to receive or send any emails. Out of the chaotic mix of networks and wires, my user name and/or password suddenly became incorrect. For years the user name and password were good, but in an instant, they became no good. Just like that. Poof, no Verizon emails could be seen or sent. What happened? What changed?

Trying to log on was not only maddening and impossible, but I think all my failed attempts might have put me on some Verizon security watch list of known or suspected hackers, along with all the guys who suddenly come across millions of dollars that they will share with you, for only a small administrative fee.

Every attempted log in just dug me deeper into a technological black hole, one shovelful at a time. But then finally, a lifeline appeared: a security question popped up. With a simple answer maybe I could get back in. Name of your first dog? Uh-oh. We had two dogs early in my childhood and I'm not sure which was first. To make matters murkier, sometimes I make up answers to those security questions, for privacy, because once those questions get hacked, how do you prove you're really you?

Name of your best friend: noneofyourdamnbusiness.

Favorite teacher: nottellingyou

First Dog: whatsittoyou

I must have guessed wrong on my first dog security question, and that was the final straw with Verizon. Verizon might as well have written me a note saying forget it, whoever you are, you'll never get on that account now. Even if ATT takes us over or we merge with Sprint, you're out for good. And furthermore, we're sending your name over to TSA so they'll add you to their no-fly list, and that's just the beginning. We'll be forwarding your name to DOJ and all the agencies that are already spying on you.

But, wait, I didn't do anything, it just stopped working.

Sure. Right. You cannot sir, willy-nilly try various passwords and user names. This behavior might be indicative of a nefarious plot, not just the actions of a hapless user unable to use.

Eventually my email got restored, but it was a strange week; it sort of felt like camping out in the woods to be without email.

Paul N. Herbert ()