Writing Feedback Playbook

Instructions: We recommend that you add these comments to your WayPoint Comment Library in order to give consistent APA feedback throughout your courses.

Comment Library

Writing Issue / Examples of Effective Comments on Higher Order Writing Issues
Thesis Statement
(add your own models that work for your course) / Add a clear thesis. As I read your introduction, it is unclear to me what you are exactly arguing in this paper. In your introduction and specifically in your thesis, you need to 1) state your topic, 2) your opinion on this topic, and 3) how you intend to prove this. A simple equation for a thesis statement might look something like this:
Specific topic + your opinion or the claim+ the reasons you have for making that claim = Thesis
You can structure your thesis like this: Topic is [opinion] because of X, Y, and Z.
or
Because of X, Y, and Z, Topic is/can be seen as/should/should not [opinion]
Try adding a thesis like this to the end of your introduction. Also, use this guide for more help:
Intros / Add to the introduction.The introduction to a paper is a very important section, in that it sets the expectations of the reader. While there is no one formula for a good introduction, in general, an introduction to a formal paper of this type should accomplish the following:
  • Attract the reader’s attention
  • Define and explain any keywords
  • Introduce your topic
  • Establish why the reader should care about your topic
  • State your thesis
Please try to do these things in your introduction. For more help writing your introduction, click here:
Body Paragraphs / Work on Paragraph Development. As you revise, work on your overall paragraph development. Many of your paragraphs are underdeveloped and many of your points are not thoroughly explained. Here is a rough outline to help you revise your paragraphs, and explain yourself a bit more:
  1. Topic sentence that states the topic or point of the paragraph
  2. Give a Fact/Detail/Reason/Quote/Statistics that supports your point
  3. Explain this fact
  4. Give more Explanation & Analysis of this fact
  5. Closing Sentence
For more help with paragraph development, see
Topic Sentences
(add your own models that work for your course) / Add topic sentences. As you revise, add topic sentences to your paragraphs that tell the reader the focus of the paragraph. Here are some examples of topic sentences you could add to some of your paragraphs:
  • One benefit of YOUR TOPIC/POINT is ______
  • One negative aspect of YOUR TOPIC/POINT is ______
  • Understanding the history of ______is crucial for seeing how much it has changed over time.
  • Overall,______offers many benefits to the field of ______.
  • Despites it drawbacks, ______also has many positives aspects as well.
For more help with topic sentences, click here:
Essay Structure / Work on your essay structure. Academic papers contain three sections: the introduction, the body, and the conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic that you’ll be discussing in the paper, the body contains several paragraphs that discuss the topic in more details (this is where all of the research that you’ve done would be presented), and the conclusion summarizes what you discussed in the body. You need to split your paper into separate paragraphs.
To learn more about each section of an essay, see the following resource:
Conclusions / Add a concluding paragraph to the end of the paper. This will be another short paragraph similar to the introduction. It should start by restating the thesis statement and then summarizing what you talked about in the middle paragraphs of your essay.
To learn more about conclusions and to see an example, please see the following resource:
Proofreading / Proofread more closely. You have a number of errors in your writing and this distracts your reader from what you are communicating. You don’t want that! I suggest that you put your papers through Grammarly. See the Writing Center’s Grammarly page.
Providing Evidence / Provide evidence as support. Be sure that you provide some evidence from research that supports this point or claim. Evidence can be statistics, expert opinion, or research studies. If you’re having trouble locating useful research, remember that the librarians here at Ashford University can be a fantastic resource! You can find their contact information within the Library tab in the course.
Providing More than Research Alone / Provide more of your own ideas and words. You have provided a lot of great research here! However, you don’t have enough of your own ideas and words to create a balanced paper. While you certainly want to include material from sources, you don’t want this information to take over your paper. You can correct this by utilizing the PIE method for each body paragraph found here. And be sure to integrate your research into your paper by following the ICE method for any information that you’ve included from a source found here.
Quoting / Work on Quoting Properly. Please make sure that you are doing your in-text citations and quotations properly. When you are using a quote in your essay you need to tell us the author’s last name, the year the website or article was published, and the page number (p.#) or paragraph number (para.#) the quote was found on. Usually when you cite an article or a source in your paragraphs you can cite it a couple of ways.
For example:
  • According to LastName (year), “quote” (p.#). This quote suggests…[explain the quote]
  • As LastName (year) states “quote” (p.#). This quotation shows…[explain the quote]
  • “Quote” (LastName, Year, para.#). As this quote implies…. [explain the quote]
For more help with quoting, see this guide: and for citing, see this guide:
Academic Voice / Use an academic voice. Pay special attention to your choice of words when writing for an academic purpose. Avoid using clichés and language that is too conversational. Try to use language that is specific, precise, and more formal. This does not mean using long words, just words that are more polished. For more help, click here:
Avoiding Plagiarism / Cite all information from sources. Some of the information in your paper seems to have been obtained from a source, yet you have not cited a source. You must provide an in-text citation any time that you summarize, paraphrase, or directly quote another person’s words or ideas. For help on when and how to do this, refer to this tutorial: