Spring Cleaning
By Dr. Matthew B. James
Spring cleaning is not a modern phenomenon created by Good Housekeeping. The practice has centuries-old roots. For example, people of Jewish faith have traditionally scoured their homes to rid themselves of even the smallest remnants of “chametz” (leavened foods) right before the Passover feast which is in late March or April.
Ancient Persians (and now modern Iranians) practiced “khooneh tekouni” which literally means to “shake out the house” just before their new year on the first day of Spring. And for centuries, Chinese have honored their new year (which happens in late January or early February but is known also as the Spring Festival) by cleaning their homes from top to bottom to sweep away the bad luck of the previous year and make way for good luck in the year to come.
Doesn’t it just make you want to pull out the mops and Lysol?
At this time of year, we get that urge to clear out our environments to prepare for the promise of Spring. We clear out cobwebs hiding in the corners, recycle clothes that no longer suit us, scrub windows that are dingy. We shine up mirrors, purge our bookshelves, and return items that belong to others.
All of that is great (and if you have extra housecleaning energy, please come to my house!) but how about a mental/emotional Spring cleaning? Isn’t that a more powerful way to bring in your “good luck” for the year ahead?
Most of us are aware that the mental/emotional clutter and grime we haul around undermines all of our good intentions. Trying to “be positive” while our brains are littered with shame and resentment is doomed to failure. Affirming “self-worth and confidence” within the muck of doubt and fear is an uphill battle. You can only sweep that dust under the rug for so long. Eventually, it takes over – or you do.
So where to start? It always starts with becoming consciously aware, really noticing the mess that needs to be cleaned up. Here are some places to look:
Cobwebs: What hidden corners have you avoided for a while? It might be really taking stock of your financial situation or facing the difficulties in your relationship. It might be that small bad habit you always meant to kick -- but haven’t. What corners of your life are growing cobwebs?
Clothes that No Longer Suit: We all take on roles in life: helpful daughter, loyal employee, leader of the rat pack. Look at all the different roles you play. Are you keeping any that no longer fit?
Dirty Windows: Actor Alan Alda once said: “Your assumptions are your windows to the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” What assumptions no longer serve you?
Foggy Mirrors: How you truly see yourself is the clearest determinant of what you’ll be able to accomplish. It’s not the affirmations you use to describe who you hope to become. It’s your underlying bottom-line, nitty-gritty true self-assessment. Who do you honestly see in the mirror?
Outdated Books: To me, books are like teachers, mentors. They have shown me wisdom and insight. But, as painful as it may seem, not all teachers are forever. Who are the people you have followed that should no longer be on your “bookshelf?” What are the systems or paths that, though valuable in the past, are not the ones to launch you into your future?
Others’ Possessions: How often have we taken on someone else’s baggage? How often have we held onto a hurt someone else delivered to us? Maybe built that hurt into resentment? Looking around your mental/emotional “house,” what really belongs to someone else?
Okay, now what? You’ve consciously taken an honest assessment of the mental/emotional clutter and grime that is holding you back. And you’re consciously willing to clean house, right? Now it’s time to get the unconscious mind behind the vacuum cleaner!
Your unconscious mind is in charge of your mental/emotional house. It stores all memories and protects all deep-seated beliefs and attitudes. Your unconscious mind – much more than your conscious desires – has determined who you are and what you are able to do and have.
Your Spring cleaning will come by and through your unconscious mind.
The NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) that I practice and teach is a powerful conduit to the unconscious mind. We have numerous techniques to “clean house” in the mental emotional realm by communicating with your unconscious mind. Here’s one simple exercise that deals with past hurts or disappointments. In NLP, it’s called reframing:
1. Find a quiet place where you’ll not be disturbed for 10-15 minutes. Get comfortable and relax your body by taking several deep breaths. Your attitude a gentle curiosity and allowing rather than trying to attack that past event.
2. Now gently ask your unconscious mind if it’s okay to have a different experience about whatever happened that caused you pain or shame or disappointment. If you feel resistance, ask why. (Don’t worry about whether you are getting the “right” answer or really communicating with your unconscious mind. Just play the game.)
3. If your unconscious feels that this situation is still “unsafe”, ask it how you can make it safer. Make sure that you resolve whatever issues your unconscious still has before proceeding.
4. Now replay the incident as if it’s on a screen in front of you. Without stepping into the situation, watch what is happening. (If there are a series of incidents, choose one that represents them all.)
5. Next, step into the screen and feel whatever you were feeling at the time or what you feel when it comes up. (If the incident was very painful, you may want to stay as an observer and simply empathize with the “you” on the screen.)
6. Clear the screen. Now re-imagine that same scene but with an entirely different script. This new script should incorporate how you want to feel. For example, if you blew a job interview, imagine the scene again where you are brilliant, answering every question confidently and building easy rapport with the interviewer.
7. Now step into the scene that you’ve created. Feel the same event but within this new script. Make the scene brighter, louder, more colorful. Enjoy it for a few moments before pulling yourself out of the screen.
8. Watch and enjoy this new scene for a few more moments, letting your unconscious mind know that this is a healthy way to feel. Thank it for its vigilance in protecting you in the past. Clear the screen.
There you go! You have just mopped up a toxic spill from your past! This technique seems simple but, done properly, it will release much of that mental/emotional clutter that blocks the promise in your bright new Spring!
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Byline: Matthew B. James, MA, Ph.D., is President of The Empowerment Partnership, where he serves as a master trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), a practical behavioral technology for helping people achieve their desired results in life. Dr. James has also immersed himself in Huna, the ancient practices of the Hawaiian islands of forgiveness and meditation for mental health and well-being, and he carries on the lineage of one of the last practicing kahuna. In his most recent book, Find Your Purpose, Master Your Path, Dr. James melds the ancient wisdom of Huna with modern psychology to assist us in leading conscious, purpose-driven lives. Dr. James contributes regularly to Psychology Today and Huffington Post blogs.To reach Dr. James, please e-mail him at r visit his blog at www.DrMatt.com.