1
Manor Born 3-7
To the Manor Born 3-7
Rector:Goodbye!Lovely morning!
Mrs Beecham: Thank you!
Woman: Good morning, Rector!
Rec:Goodbye!
Richard DeVere: ______your text came from?
Rec:Psalm 39: “A man heapeth up riches, and cannot tell ______”!
Rich:______– the Inland Revenue and Customs and Excise!
Mrs Polouvicka: Bedrich!Behave!
Rich:And the banks want their cut, and ______, not to mention the shareholders!
Poo:Come home! ______!
Rich:______!
Rec:Imeant nothing personal!
Poo:Come along, Bedrich! Oh, ______! I should not have brought him to church!
Rich:Why not?______to pray for help?
Rec:Oh, assuredly! “When ______”-
Rich:Thou wilt grant their requests?
Rec:As may be ______!
Rich:I knew ______!
Poo:Oh, I’m so sorry –______!
Marjory Frobisher: Oh, hello, Richard!Oh! Is he all right?
Audrey fforbes-Hamilton: ______! And as he didn’t bother to say good morning,
______! Good morning, Rector!
Marj:Good morning, Rector!
Rec:Good morning!
Aud:______!
Rec:Oh! Thank you!
Aud:______!Mrs Beecham!
Beech:Yes, Mrs fforbes?
Aud:I see you’re on the flower roster today!
Beech:______, Mrs fforbes!
Aud:It’s a flower roster, not ______!
Beech:______!
Aud:Weeds!
Beech:I thought ______!
Aud:______? There’s no room for that sort of thing in a church!
Beech:Goodbye, Mrs fforbes!
Aud:Bye!
Aud:Hello, Brabinger!
Brabinger: You’re back early, madam!
Aud:______!
Brab:Good!
Aud:Thank you!
Brab:Miss Frobisher!
Aud:Now!
Marj:Thank you!
Aud:Can I have the Sunday Times, Marjory?
Marj:Yes!
Aud:You haven’t forgotten the colour supplement?
Marj:No, ______!
Aud:Fine! There’s the Sunday Telegraph!
Marj:I don’t think ______!
Aud:Times are hard, Marjory, ______!
Marj:You’re economising more than me –______!
Aud:Oh, well, if you’re going to quibble over a penny or two!
Marj:Oh, I don’t mind really. ______!
Aud:Why?
Marj:Oh, it’s full of all those fearfully successful ______going on about what ______– it fills me with a sense of inadequacy!
Aud:I know what you mean!
Marj:Well ______!
Aud:Well as things turned out, Martin wasn’t exactly ______!
Marj:Never mind! ______!
Aud:Oh, I couldn’t marry him –______!
Marj:I thought he was supposed to be ______?
Aud:He shouldn’t be expected to marry a pauper! ______!Good heavens!
Marj:What’s the matter? Has your premium bond come up?
Aud:The price of Rolls Royce motor cars–______! Forty thousand!And ______!
Marj:Oh, Ithink that’s disgraceful!
Aud:Marjory, ______! Why didn’t I think of it before?
Marj:______?
Aud:Selling my Rolls! Forty thousand pounds would ______!
Marj:______!
Aud:Quite right! I shall probably get ______!
Marj:But Aud, it’s ancient!
Aud:______!To think I’ve been sitting on all this money, literally!Oh, Brabinger, ______!I’m going to part with my oldest and ______!
Brab:Yes, madam!
Aud:______!
Brab:Well I’ve been expecting it, madam!Would you like me to serve luncheon first, or ______, madam?
Aud:No, not you, Brabinger! ______! I’m talking about the Rolls!
Brab:Thank you, madam! I esteem it a great honour to be ______!
Aud:You are part of the fabric of my life! Besides, I don’t think ______!
Brab:Probably not, madam!
Aud:Now how do Igo about this? Ah, here we are!“Rolls Royce and Bentley wanted”!
Marj:Oh, do be careful! ______advertise in there!
Aud:Obviously the best people, or they wouldn’t be looking for a Rolls!Oh, ______! “Rolls Royce cars wanted. ______. Superior prices paid.”
Marj:Oh, that should appeal to you! ______!
Aud:“Cash or bank draft. ______. Marlbury Carriage Company.”
Marj:Very superior!
Aud:Mm, I think they’ll do very well! ______! Oh, Brabinger, have the Rolls washed and polished, would you?
Brab:______, madam!
Marj:You can’t expect him to ______?
Aud:Oh, he doesn’t! He gets the Scouts to do it!
Lumsden: Hello, Gayforth!______?
Julian Gayforth: Didn’t want to hear ______, thank you! DeVere’s just given me the sack!
Lum:Oh, you’ve got a service contract– you’ll get a nice lump sum in cash, and within a couple of months ______!
Gay:______?
Lum:As number one! DeVere’s on the way out!
Gay:Didn’t give me that impression just now!
Lum:What? Well ______! Hartley’s snuffed it!
Gay:Fellow who was backing him?
Lum:______, it seems!
Gay:That figures!
Lum:Mm – well, without Hartley’s ______, DeVere’s back to square one! ______?
Gay:Why not? ______!
Lum:Oh, you’ll be all right, old boy – you’re just the sort of chap we need here as MD! ______!
Gay:Right!
Rich:Reconsidering your position?______!I know nothing’s been signed, that’s not the point!Oh, you think that______!Well ______, it is not the way I would expect the “listening bank” to behave!
Lum:______?
Rich:Er, nothing I can’t handle!
Lum:Sure?
Rich:Yes, ______!What can I do for you?
Lum:I wondered if ______about Greville Hartley?Cashed in his chips!
Rich:What, dead?
Lum:Gone to the great counting house in the sky!Heart! ______, really!
Rich:______?
Lum:Last night– the FT index dropped ______!
Rich:What, ______?
Lum:Well he had a finger in so many pies, including Cavendish!
Rich:Yes!
Lum:This puts rather ______on things, wouldn’t you say?
Rich:Oh, ho, ______, Lumsden!
Lum:Oh, my dear fellow, Iwouldn’t dream of it – but ______, bound to be!
Rich:Such as?
Lum:Such as, will the package Hartley put together for you be delivered in his absence?
Rich:______!
Lum:Well– er-
Rich:Yes? Yes, all right –______!Good morning! What do you mean, you’ve got cash flow problems?______coming out of your collective ears!And what difference does that make? ______!But not signed –I see! Yes, ______– goodbye!
Lum:______?
Rich:I know what you’re after, Lumsden–______!
Lum:My dear fellow, not my style at all!
Rich:No, but you’d like to manoeuvre somebody into it –______– somebody like Gayforth!
Lum:Oh, no, dreadful man!
Rich:You’re all the same, you, you smoothies from the Campari and soda belt!A wink at the golf club, a nod at Brock’s, and another outsider ______!Well with me you’ll find you’ve got ______!
Lum:I don’t know why ______about it! My only concern is that Cavendish Foods ______!
Rich:You’re a wet, Lumsden!
Lum:Doh!
Rich:Well you can tell______that I’m going ahead with this Argentine project, even if I have to find ______!
Lum:______!
Brab:Excuse me madam! ______!
Aud:______?
Brab:Yes, madam!
Aud:“Captain Ron Newman, Marlbury Carriage Company”–______!
Brab:So he said, madam!
Aud:Naval captain, do you think, Brabinger?
Brab:______, madam!
Aud:Must be Army then!I hope the car’s ______!
Brab:Immaculate, madam!
Aud:Thankyou, Brabinger!Do you realise,______we shall be solvent again?
Brab:______, madam!
Aud:Would you mind ______?
Newman: Ah, morning!
Aud:Good morning!
New:You know, these old D back saloons aren’t too popular! Now if it were a Coupé de Ville or a Sedanca, or better still, one of those two door sports tourers ______!
Aud:You mean ______?
New:Well, it depends how much you want for it!
Aud:______!
New:Twenty five? ______!
Aud:No I’m not!Well, ______?
New:Well, if we do a hearse job on it, strip off this body, replace it with a boat tail open body, ______for you!
Aud:Oh, I think ______!
New:It’s what’s selling, ______!
Aud:My name is fforbes-Hamilton!
New:______– what do you get? About ten to the gallon?
Aud:If you own a Rolls Royce, you don’t have to bother about ______!
New:Well let’s say, er, ______!
Aud:______?
New:All right, a thousand! And er, ______!
Aud:______?
New:I’m afraid ______!Interested?
Rich:______!
Aud:Oh, Richard!
Rich:______!
New:______?
Rich:No!
New:Well you’re certainly ______!
Rich:Hop it!
New:All right, I’m going!______!
Rich:Audrey– could we go inside? ______!
Aud:Yes, of course! Good afternoon, Captain Newman!
Aud:... stop me selling the Rolls?
Rich:I’d hate to see you part with that!
Aud:Er, ______?
Rich:Er, not for me!
Aud:Ah - thank you, Brabinger!Have you any idea ______?
Rich:Yes!
Aud:Oh, of course! ______!
Rich:Oh, not really – mine belongs to the company, ______, you see!You own your Rolls, ______–I could lose mine overnight!
Aud:______!
Rich:______, they say, “There goes Audrey fforbes-Hamilton”!______!
Aud:Well surely your Corniche has style!
Rich:Well, ______think it’s rather flashy!“There goes the bounder from the Manor”–______!
Aud:Of course they don’t! ______!
Rich:______?
Aud:Well, ______until you’ve lived here for some years!
Rich:______!
Aud:Perhaps not quite as long as that!But we are rather ______!
Rich:Don’t Iknow it! God knows, I’ve, I’ve tried to drag Grantleigh into the 1980s, and now I know ______, and ______!
Aud:Why not?
Rich:I’m leaving. ______!
Aud:Selling Grantleigh?
Rich:Lock, stock and barrel –I, ______, I’m afraid!
Aud:Oh, Richard!
Rich:______!
Aud:But I thought Uncle Greville ______!
Rich:Well yes, he did, but er, his death occurred at ______– er, deals weren’t signed!
Aud:So______?
Rich:Oh, well, ______– it’s just that I need cash and I need it quickly, and, andselling Grantleigh ______!
Aud:______!
Rich:Thank you, Audrey!
Aud:______, and I’m afraid it’s going to be quite ghastly for you!
Rich:Yes, ______!
Aud:Well if there’s anything I can do to help, ______, won’t you?
Rich:Well– yes, Audrey, there - ______!
Aud:Yes?
Rich:I-
Brab:______, madam! Mr Blunkett to see you!
Rich:I think I’d - better go and ______!Er, it’s all right, Brabinger, I’ll, ______!
Aud:Er, ______, Brabinger!
Brab:Mr Blunkett, madam!
Aud:Arnold!
Arnold Blunkett: Audrey, ______!
Aud:Yes! ______!
Arn:Well I am kept rather busy, you know, but of course you’ll always be amongst ______!
Aud:Well, ______nowadays, I’m afraid! Do sit down!
Arn:Oh, indeed you are – and ______!
Aud:Look, if you’re asking me to ______for the village show, the answer’s no!Some people ______from last year!
Arn:Oh, it’s nothing like that! ______concerning your uncle, Greville Hartley!
Aud:______, Arnold!
Arn:I’m not going to, nor will you, I fancy! He made you the main beneficiary in his will!
Aud:Uncle Greville? But ______!
Arn:Well clearly______– you’ll get the bulk of his fortune!
Aud:Dear Uncle Greville!
Arn:______, Audrey!
Aud:______! God bless him!
Arn:Of course it’ll take a little time ______, and then there’s capital transfer tax – but he was rather shrewd about that sort of thing! I think we can safely say that er, ______!
Aud:______?
Arn:______! You can replace that dilapidated old car of yours for a start!
Aud:My Rolls Royce is not in the least dilapidated!
Arn:Oh, come now, Audrey! ______in a nice new Corniche?
Aud:______, Arnold! I’ll keep my old Rolls - it has style! Besides, ______for me to spend my money on!
Marj:Grantleigh ______!
Rec:Mm, a great shock! Sad loss!
Mrs Patterson: ______, Rector?
Rec:Have you that stuff they recommended on Gardeners’ Question Time?
Pat:You shouldn’t be listening to the wireless ______!______?
Rec:Mildew on roses!
Pat:Oh, I’ve got ______!
Rec:I’m worried about the organ!
Marj:______?
Rec:Oh, I shouldn’t be surprised! No, I was hoping that Mr DeVere would ______!
Marj:You’d better ask him ______!
Rec:Yes, well, when I say contribute, I mean, ______!But now, of course –
Marj:Do you think he really is broke?
Rec:WellI’m afraid he doesn’t confide in me, Miss Frobisher!In fact ______since the announcement of the sale!
Marj:No, I’ve noticed that!
Rec:We have failed him ______!
Marj:We?
Rec:We in the church! ______! We should have prayed harder!
Pat:______! Mildew pacific!
Rec:Oh, I’ve had this before! ______!
Pat:Well ______then, won’t you?If it can move mountains, it ought to be able to ______!
Aud:Can I come in?
Poo:Oh, of course! Though it is a very sad time, ______!
Aud:Well can I help?
Poo:Oh, help me ______!
Aud:You’re taking everything with you?
Poo:No, ______in our London flat, so a lot of the things will be left here ______!If only things had been different!
Aud:______?
Poo:Well you know what Ihave wanted for you and Bedrich!______?
Aud:______!
Poo:He didn’t? Oh, he should have ______!______!
Aud:Why?
Poo:Well, because he has nothing to offer you!When he had this place, he thought he had a chance because ______!
Aud:Oh, no, I couldn’t have married Richard ______!
Poo:______?
Aud:Well, he might have thought I was marrying him ______!
Poo:So ______?
Aud:Well, it would seem rather mercenary!
Poo:______!Why do you always have to ______?
Aud:I suppose at heart we’re ______!
Rich:Oh, hello, Audrey! Have you come to cheer up mother?
Aud:______!
Rich:Well tell her to look on the bright side– going back to London, going to see ______!
Poo:______! ______!
Rich:She’s always the same!Oh, I fixed the auction for next Wednesday–I’d rather ______, Audrey!
Aud:Oh, I don’t know –I’m not sure ______!
Poo:Audrey, ______!
Rich:Well you can bet your life ______! They won’t be able to ______of watching me get my comeuppance!
Ned:______, Rector!
Rec:The old order changeth!
Ned:______as the fforbes-Hamiltons, did he?
Poo:Come and sit beside me!
Aud:Who do you think’s going to bid?
Marj:It doesn’t look as if there’s anyone here ______!
Poo:Oh, don’t say that, Marjory!
Aud:Hello! Hello! Well ______, Mrs Poo!Hello, Brigadier!
Poo:Now, thank you! Where is Bedrich? I can’t see Bedrich!
Aud:Oh, ______, Mrs Poo!
J.J. Anderson: Welcome to Grantleigh Manor, ladies and gentlemen!This is the second time I’ve had ______, and I’m happy to assure you that during the time of the present owner, Mr DeVere, ______, and considerable sums spent on renovation and modernisation! I think I can safely say that er, the property, once ______, is now in a first class condition, and I shall expect a price commensurate with ______!
Poo:Ah! There he is!______!
JJ:Ah, thank you, madam!Well now, my instructions are to dispose of this first class property, consisting of ______, together with certain paintings and furnishings, a thousand acres of land, farm buildings and equipment-
Poo:______?
JJ:______at nine hundred thousand pounds?All right, let’s try ______?Thank you, sir! Do I hear eight fifty?______then? Thank you!And thirty? Forty?Fifty? Sixty?Seventy? Eighty?Ninety? At nine hundred thousand pounds–______, thank you, sir!______, sir!
Poo:Who’s bidding?
Aud:______!
Poo:It’s him!
JJ:Was that, was that a bid, madam?
Poo:______!
JJ:Thank you, sir! ______!Er, twenty! Thirty!Forty! Fifty!Sixty! Seventy!Eighty! Ninety!At er, ______!Against you, sir! I’m selling the property for the first time– all done? ______, then!At nine hundred and ninety thousand pounds for the third time–______, sir!
Rich:It can’t be you, Brabinger, can it?
Brab:______!
JJ:______, please, sir?
Brab:______!
Marj:Audrey! ______?
Poo:Oh, so,______!Oh, that is good!
Marj:Oh, ______! Well done, Aud!
Aud:Thank you, Marjory!
Brigadier Leamington: Imagine that!______!
Rec:______!
Ned:I thought you said ______!
Rec:Yes, well, I overlooked the stamina of the fforbes-Hamiltons!
Brab:______, madam!
Aud:Thank you, Brabinger!
Rich:Audrey, it – it –______, I-
Aud:Thank you!
Rich:I, ______!
Aud:Well thank you for looking after Grantleigh so well for me!
Rich:What ______is-
Aud:______?
Rich:Yes!
Aud:Uncle Greville!
Rich:Of course! Well, ______, Audrey!
Aud:______, Richard!
Rich:Well goodbye, everybody!______, Mrs Beecham!And ______, Ned!
Ned:Yes, sir!
Rich:______!
Rec:Oh, ______!
Rich:Come along, Marjory, cheer up!
Marj:I’m sorry –______when you’ve gone!Oh, gosh!
Rich:Now ______, won’t you?
Marj:Yes, yes, I will!
Rich:______, mother!
Aud:Thank you, Brabinger!Marjory!
Marj:Hello, Aud!
Aud:Hello, Rector!
Rec:______, Mrs fforbes-Hamilton!
Aud:Thank you! By the way, I noticed some bits from the alternative service book creeping in last Sunday!
Rec:Well people have asked!
Aud:We don’t want to ______, Rector!Ned! Oh, thank you, Ned!Er, would you give Brabinger ______?
Ned:Er, very good, Mrs fforbes!
Aud:And when you’ve done that, I’d like you to ______! There’s some potholes again!
Ned:Er, yes, Mrs fforbes!
Aud:Er, Mrs Beecham –I’d like to talk to you about the staff!Shall we say ______?
Beech:Yes, Mrs fforbes!
Aud:Yes, madam!
Beech:Yes, madam!
Marj:Oh, Rector, ______, isn’t it?
Rec:It is indeed!
Rich:Hello, Marjory!
Marj:Richard! Mrs Poo!______!
Rich:Good evening, Rector!
Rec:Good evening!______!
Poo:Oh, didn’t Audrey tell you?
Marj:______!
Rich:Where is she?
Brab:______, sir!
Rich:Hello, Brabinger! ______in the stately home?
Brab:______, sir!I preferred the Lodge!
Aud:Richard!
Rich:Audrey!
Aud:Oh, ______!
Rich:______!
Aud:Thank you!
Rich:Listen!______!
Aud:Are they?
Rich:Well ______the night of the hunt ball?
Aud:Vividly! ______!
Rich:______!
Aud:Oh, yes – did I ever apologise for that?
Rich:______!
Aud:Well I do now!
Rich:Thank you!______?
Aud:Why not?______!Oh, hello, Bob!
Brig:Hello, Marjory! ______?
Marj:No, no, I’m- well, yes!
Brig:We can’t have that! Do you feel like ______?
Marj:Oh, all right!
Brig:______, you know!
Marj:Thank you!
Brig:______, by any chance?
Aud:I was afraid ______!
Rich:Nearly didn’t! But you know mother– she was determined to ______!
Aud:______!
Rich:So am I!Audrey, what would you say if I told you I was thinking of - chucking the business?
Aud:Oh–I think I’d say something like, why don’t you ______?
Rich:You see, I, I- ______?
Aud:______!
Rich:Do you mean that?
Aud:______!
Rich:Is it leap year or something?
Aud:______– you wouldn’t!
Rich:I didn’t think you’d want me without the Manor!
Aud:______!
Rich:But now it’s all right?
Aud:Yes, ______!
Rich:I see –I think!
Aud:So –______?
Rich:______!
Aud:Not here!
Rich:Well there’s nobody about!
Aud:Yes, there is in a way!It’s all right – Martin was always ______!
Rich:What the devil do you think you’re doing?
Heatherington-Poole: ______, I always say!Have a cigar!
Rich:______?
Heath:______? If the man’s fool enough to leave them lying around!
Rich:______?
Heath:Fellow who owns this place! ______! Social climber– and foreigner!They come here, ______, grab all the best houses– it’s only at dos like theseone can get any of it back!
Rich:______?
Heath:Heatherington-Poole!
Rich:Yes, I thought it would be ______!
Aud:Richard!
Rich:______, Audrey!
Aud:Oh, ______!
Heath:______?
Aud:______, you would know that I am Audrey fforbes-Hamilton, and my family have lived in this house ______!
Rich:______!
Aud:And this is Richard DeVere!
Rich:A self-made foreign millionaire and ______, who’s lived here for about three years!
Aud:And to whom ______!
Brig:Ladies and gentlemen, ______!
All:______!