INTERACTIVE TEACHING/LEARNING GUIDE

Push the Limits-Live What You Believe – Week 8

A Study of the Book of James

Session Title: Quashing Quarrels

Focal Passage:James 4:1-4

Central Teaching/Learning Aim: The learner will be challenged to examine his/her own life to determine if he/she is living more for self than for others.

  1. Hook
  1. Sharethe following illustration:

Divorced Couple Splits House in Half

Simon and Chana Taub seem to agree on only one thing: The house is mine.

The couple wants a divorce, but both of them refuse to move out of their New York home. To solve the matter, the court ordered a sand-colored wall built through the middle of their living room.

Simon can only get to his dining room by going up a neighbor’s outside stairs, stepping over a balcony, and climbing through a window. Chana has easier access to the second floor, but she complains that Simon still makes her life a nightmare by yelling, banging on walls, and turning off her heat when it’s cold out. They each vow to stay in the house until the other moves – but it doesn’t look like that’ll be happening anytime soon.

Erika Hayasaki, “Far Apart Under One Roof,” The Los Angeles Times (2-10-07)

Ask – Can you believe a married couple would act like this? How can small disagreements escalate into major conflicts? This can happen in a marriage, a relationship and in a church between believers. What can b e the outcome of unresolved conflict in the church?

Next – Share the following humorous story:

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, “Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?”

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.”

Sad but sometimes true. The church can sometimes be a difficult place.

Read – (James 4:1-4)

State – Today we are going to discuss what the Scriptures teach about eliminating conflict in life and in the church.

  1. Optional Method – Web clip featuring David Nasser. This clip can be downloaded from bluefishtv.com for $3.99.

Location:

Length: 3:12

Synopsis: David Nasser, a well-known Christian speaker teaches on resolving conflict in a relationship and in the church. He says that resolving conflict with a brother or sister in Christ is an act of worship.

Ask –What are the ingredients Nasser outlines in mending a relationship? How is mending a relationship an act of worship?

Read – (James 4:1-4)

State – Today we are going to discuss what the Scriptures teach about eliminating conflict in life and in the church.

  1. Optional Method – Movie clip “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”

Start: 01:25:30

Stop: 01:26:48

DVD: Scene 17

Synopsis: “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”: Bringing Together Apples and Oranges

My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a romantic comedy about culture, family, and acceptance. Nia Vardalos plays Toula Portokalos, the awkward middle child of a proud Greek family. Her father, Gus (Michael Constantine), often embarrasses her because he always lectures people on Greek history. “Give me a word,” he says, “any word and I’ll show you how the root of that word is Greek.” Toula has ambitions to go to college and find a good job. Her father, on the other hand, just wants her to marry a nice Greek boy and give him Greek grandchildren.

When Toula meets Ian Miller (John Corbett), a long-haired English teacher who comes from a reserved and proper-mannered family, they fall in love and begin a complicated and secret courtship. Her family eventually finds out, and her father is livid that she’s dating a non-Greek. When the couple decides to marry, the two families must come together, making for a number of misunderstandings and uncomfortable moments.

Toula’s father is devastated that she’s marrying outside of her heritage, and he is against the wedding from the beginning. He simply does not understand the Millers’ way of life. Over time, he begins to realize how important Ian is to his daughter and how in love they are. Seeking a way to reconcile their differences, he turns to the Greek language. At the wedding reception, he gives the following speech in broken English:

“Welcome to the Portokalos family, and welcome to the Miller family. I was thinking last night, the night before my daughter is going to marry Ian Miller, that—you know—the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller comes from the Greek word “Milo,” which means “apple.” So there you go. As many of you know, our name, Portokalos, comes from the Greek word “portokali,” which means “orange.” So, here tonight, we have apples and oranges. We are all different. But, in the end, we are all fruit,”

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Playtone Pictures, 2002) directed by Joel Zwick

Ask – What are sources of conflict in a family? In a church?

Toula’s father was upset that she was marrying a man who was not Greek. In the end he came around. How should realizing we are all one in Christ eliminate conflict in the church? When there are quarrels among Christians who wins?

Read – (James 4:1-4)

State – Today we are going to discuss what the Scriptures teach about eliminating conflict in life and in the church.

  1. Book
  1. Utilize the discussion guide to examine the Scripture passages.
  1. Look
  1. Distributethe handout “Maintaining Righteous Relationships” and guide members through it.
  1. Took
  1. Sharethe following illustration and close in prayer:

Take Responsibility for Your Part in Conflict

I used to do a lot of marriage counseling, and often one spouse would come in the office and start ranting and raving, “My husband does this…;” “My wife never will do that,,,;” and it would go on and on. I would sit there thinking, this counseling isn’t going to be very effective, because the person who apparently needs to change isn’t even in the room. So I would get a pad of paper, draw a circle on it, and say, “This is a pie that represents all the chaos in your marriage. Now, 100 percent of the blame is in that pie, because that’s where all the chaos is.” I would give them the pen and say, “I want you to draw a slice of pie that you think represents your responsibility for the chaos.” The piece of pie that that client would draw was never very big, but I would say, “Okay, so why don’t you and I talk about just this. Let’s talk about this piece that is your responsibility. Let’s talk about your slice.” You know what? My approach never worked. I could never get anybody to stay on his or her slice of the pie.

So here is what I want you to do this week: As you experience relational conflict at work, at home, with your friends – any conflict of any sort, big or small – stop and think about your own slice of the pie. Ask yourself, what is my slice of the pie?Have I taken responsibility for my life, really, or am I enjoying the blame game so much that it has allowed me to ignore what I am ultimately responsible for?

In any relationship, if you can ever get the two parties to own their piece of the pie, you can make progress. But if everybody is focused on the other person’s slice of the pie, you will just have chaos.

Andy Stanley, from the sermon “Let the Blames Begin”

  1. Optional Illustration – Share the following illustration and close in prayer:

Advice for Handling Criticism

In his book, Confessions of a Pastor, Craig Groeschel offers some advice on how to handle critics:

It’s a fact that “hurt people hurt people.” They usually dislike themselves and criticize others in a misguided effort to validate themselves. If one of these injured souls lobs a criticism grenade in your direction, defuse it with understanding. Part of considering the source is seeking awareness of what that person may be going through.

One time I was praying during worship, a few moments before preaching. Eyes closed, focusing on God, I felt someone slip a note into my hand. I never saw who it was, but the note was marked “Personal.” I thought to myself, someone probably wrote a nice note to encourage me before I preach. A warm, loving feeling settled over me as I unfolded the paper.

A moment later, I lost that loving feeling.

Evidently, the note was from a woman who had tried to see me on Friday, my day off. She took offense at my absence and blasted me with hateful accusations. This happened literally seconds before I was to stand up and preach. In that moment, I had a choice, I could internalize the offense and become demoralized and discouraged, or I could ask myself, I wonder what she’s experiencing that caused her to lash out?

I chose compassion over depression. My heart hurt for her. I knew that such a disproportionate reaction must indicate deep pain, so I didn’t take her note personally.

Consider the source and consider the possibility that the jab may have come from an injured heart. Dismiss it and move on. If you don’t, you may become the very thing you despise.

Craig Groeschel, Confessions of a Pastor (Multnomah, 2006), p. 169

  1. Optional Illustration – Share the following illustration and close in prayer:

Slander Destroys Churches

About 20 years ago, I said something impromptu to the new members standing in a row across the front of the church. As we received them, the Holy Spirit prompted me to add, “And now, I charge you that if you ever hear another member speak an unkind word of criticism or slander against anyone – myself, an usher, a choir member, or anyone else – that you stop that person in mid-sentence and say, ‘Excuse me – who hurt you? Who ignored you? Who slighted you? Was it Pastor Cymbala? Let’s go to his office right now. He’ll apologize to you, and then we’ll pray together so God can restore peace to this body. But we won’t let you talk critically about people who aren’t present to defend themselves.’

“I’m serious about this. I want to help resolve this kind of thing immediately, and I know this: If you are ever the one doing the loose talking, we’ll confront you.”

To this day, every time we receive new members, I say much the same thing. That’s because I know what most easily destroys churches. It’s not crack cocaine, government oppression, or even lack of funds. Rather it’s gossip and slander that grieves the Holy Spirit.

Jim Cymbala, Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire (Zondervan, 1997)

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Teacher Copy

  1. According to (James 4:1-3) what were the causes of quarrels among the believers?

a. Selfish desires

b. Coveting and lusting after what others have

c. Praying with wrong motives

d. Asking God to fulfill selfish desires

  1. What does the Greek word “Hedone” mean in verses 1 and 3?

[It is the root of the word hedonism and it means pleasure.]

  1. Is the pursuit of pleasure an addiction in our society? In the church?
  1. Contrast the two paths of life in the following chart:

The Path of Pleasure / The Path of Wisdom
(James 1:8-12) Worldly riches fade / (James 1:20-23) Put away worldly things and live the Word
(James 1:16-19) No room for selfishness all is from God
  1. Why do prayers go unanswered according to the following verses?

a. (James 4:2)Do not ask God

b. (James 4:3)Ask with selfish motives

  1. What is the significance of incorporating the spirit of the phrase “not my will but your will be done” in your prayer life?

[This helps us pray with proper motives and to seek God’s will not selfish ambition.]

  1. In our relationship to Christ how is a pleasure-loving, hedonistic lifestyle similar to adultery? (v. 4)

[You cannot be in love with the world and in love with Christ.]

  1. What in the world are you addicted to?
  1. How can you eliminate these desires from your life?
  1. How will a right relationship to God affect your relationship to His children?
  1. Is there any relationship in which you need to make things right this week?

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Student Copy

  1. According to (James 4:1-3) what were the causes of quarrels among the believers?

a.

b.

c.

d.

  1. What does the Greek word “Hedone” mean in verses 1 and 3?
  1. Is the pursuit of pleasure an addiction in our society? In the church?
  1. Contrast the two paths of life in the following chart:

The Path of Pleasure / The Path of Wisdom
(James 1:8-12) / (James 1:20-23)
(James 1:16-19)
  1. Why do prayers go unanswered according to the following verses?

a. (James 4:2)

b. (James 4:3)

  1. What is the significance of incorporating the spirit of the phrase “not my will but your will be done” in your prayer life?
  1. In our relationship to Christ how is a pleasure-loving, hedonistic lifestyle similar to adultery? (v. 4)
  1. What in the world are you addicted to?
  1. How can you eliminate these desires from your life?
  1. How will a right relationship to God affect your relationship to His children?
  1. Is there any relationship in which you need to make things right this week?

Maintaining Righteous Relationships

How is your relationship to…

Relationship / Is it glorifying Christ?
Family
Spouse
Church Members
Work Associates
Neighbors
Other

What steps do you need to take to improve?

Relationship / Steps to take
Family
Spouse
Church Members
Work Associates
Neighbors
Other

Do I have any “Hedonistic” desires that I need to give to God?

Who can help encourage me to stay strong?

THEE WORD FOR THE WEEK

Planning Humbly
James 4:13-17

Monday – Read James 4:13

  • The people to whom James is referring to in this verse are deliberate and self-confident planners. They decide where they will go, when they will go, how long they will say and are sure of the outcome: to make money.
  • Why do we need to keep our plans submissive to God’s will?
  • What are good aspects of planning? How can placing too much trust and hope in our planning become a negative thing?

Tuesday – Read James 4:14

  • In essence, James is asking: “How can you, being the kind of creatures that you are, presume to dictate the course of future events?” The fragility of human life and the consequent uncertainty of all humans’ plans is the main point of this verse.
  • How can pride in our future plans deceive and destroy people?
  • Why should our short life span give us an urgency to do what God plans for us to do?

Wednesday – Read James 4:15

  • James urges the confident and presumptuous merchants to add a key qualifier to their planning: “If it is the Lord’s will.”
  • What attitude does God want us to have about the future? Why?
  • How are you encouraged to know that God controls your future?

Thursday – ReadJames 4:16

  • “Boasting” here is not itself a negative activity or attitude. The question James wants to ask is “What is it that you are boasting in?”
  • Why is humility harder to practice than pride?
  • Who do you know who demonstrates a spirit of humility? What have you learned from that person?

Friday – ReadJames 4:17

  • James has urged us to take the Lord into consideration when we make our plans and to fail to do this is to sin.
  • Why is God not satisfied that we simply know to do good?
  • Does your prayer life of confession include sins that you have committed (things you have actually done) and sins that you have omitted (things you should have done but did not)?

EXEGETICAL ~ THEOLOGICAL ~ PEDAGOGICAL

NOTE: The bold in each point represents the subject of the unit – what the author was taking about, while the bold underline represents the complement – what Luke, the author, was saying about what he was talking about. Together the subject and complement provide the proposition of big ideas of each unit.

(Exegetical: What it meant to James’ scattered flock back THEN)

THE CONTENT OF JAMES' INSTRUCTIVE REBUKE OF THE SCATTERED JEWISH CHRISTIANS, WHO WERE AT WAR WITH ONE ANOTHER AND WERE NOT GETTING WHAT THEY WANTED EVEN THOUGH THEY ASKED GOD, ALL BECAUSE OF THEIR HEDONISTIC DESIRES . . .