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MOVING BEYOND HEARTACHESSunday May 22, 2016
Rev. David Wilson
Scripture Lessons: John 5:2-9 and I Corinthians 13:12-13
In 1959 Harlan Howard wrote the lyrics to a song that would quickly become popular. He titled it, Heartaches by The Number. The first two lines in the chorus say:
Now, I've got heartaches by the number,
Troubles by the score...
Without question, the reason the song became so popular is because it speaks of what we all can identify. To be human is to know heartaches. On more than one occasion Jesus spoke of having a troubled heart. That may sound strange, because he told the disciples not to let their hearts be troubled during a difficult time, to believe in God and in him.
It should not surprise us that Jesus knew heartaches. The Bible is clear in saying that God became human in Jesus.
The opening story in the Bible, the story of Adam and Eve, is both interesting and instructive in many ways. One message in the story relates to Adam and Eve living in the Garden of Eden. Life was innocent, pleasant and enjoyable. Yet, that state changed, and so quickly. Some heartaches come so quickly while others seem to develop over a period of time.
Another message in the Adam and Eve story is that we are imperfect people who live in an imperfect world. We are imperfect...we make mistakes...we sin...we get sick...we die... Also, those with whom we live have the same DNA that we have. Experiencing heartaches is written into our DNA. Added to our imperfections are the imperfections of the natural world - diseases, tornadoes, fires and other happenings. To be sure, some heartaches are more painful and consequential than others, but even those that aren't far-reaching keep us awake at night and trouble our soul.
Let's now shift gears and go to the New Testament book of John. John often wrote symbolically. Many of the words he uses mean more than what is seen with the eye. For John, bread is not just bread; it is the Bread of Life. Water is not just water; it is the Water of Life. In our scripture lesson John tells about people who were physically challenged, lying by a pool called Beth-za-tha. The pool was known for having minerals or spirits that healed, but only the first person who entered the water when it was stirred up would be healed.
Jesus was at the pool and saw a man who had been ill for thirty-eight years. Jesus knew he had been ill for a long time when he asked the man, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man replied, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me." Jesus said to him, "Stand up, take your mat and walk." John says the man was made well immediately. He took up his mat and began to walk.
There are two ways to look at this story. Some believe it simply to be a physical miracle that Jesus performed. The other way to look at it is to believe it to be a spiritual miracle. The spiritual miracle view is to say that Jesus wanted the man to focus more on possibilities than deficiencies, to focus more on what might be than what is.
Deficiencies are legion. They range from being hurt because someone we trusted let us down to blaming ourselves unjustly for something we did or didn't do. They range from losing a job and being down on ourselves to allowing the words that are being said, or not said, about us to define us. They range from a brief illness to a long-term illness. They range from being apart from a loved one for just a few days to the death of a loved one.
What some of us expect, and we desire so much, is to move beyond a heartache quickly, like the man at the pool. Metaphorically, we want to take up our mat and walk immediately when we know heartache. Seldom does that happen. But if we can sense that we're moving in a positive direction with a heartache, that in itself can help us.
A point that I emphasize is that, almost all the time, moving beyond heartaches involves a process. We don't get beyond a heartache immediately. Portia Nelson, in her writing titled Autobiography in Five Short Chapters,has a meaningful commentary on the story of Jesus and the man at the Beth-za-tha pool. She speaks of process in the five chapters.
Chapter One: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the side walk. I fall in. I am lost... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the side walk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in...it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter Five: I walk down another street.[1]
The challenge Jesus gave to the man who had been ill for a long time was for him to want to move beyond what he thought to be deficiencies - to move with another vision in his soul. To use Portia Nelson's words, Jesus wanted him to walk down another street, and the man did walk down another street.
The worst thing we can do when we're troubled is to settle in and want a pity-party. Other ways we humans compound heartaches is to become cynical, bitter, give ourselves to a grudge,play a blame game, or by clinging to another unhealthy attitude. To hitch our spirit to an unhealthy spirit can paralyze our spirit, place a shadow between us and God, and can even make us ill physically.
Here is a question for us to ponder: When life is troubled, how can we get to the point in life where we can walk down another street? I'll share with you three faith-lessons that can be helpful when we are dealing with a heartache.
The first faith-lesson says: When we have a heartache, it's important that we become intentional in our thinking and doing. Focusing on that which is positive is so much better than fretting over that which is negative, that which we can't understand, that which arouses bitterness, anger or another negative attitude. The food that we choose for our mind and digest in our life is so important. We have to be intentional about what we choose to eat and digest in our mind.
When Paul wrote what is believed to be his last letter to a church, his letter to the Philippians, he penned in chapter 4, verse 8, these words: "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Note that Paul did not tell the Philippians to think about the problems they had experienced or were experiencing. He didn't tell them to think about anything that was negative. His charge to them was: Dwell on that which is right, noble and true. Doing that, life would be pointed toward God, not self.
Because most of life's heartaches are processed rather than resolved quickly, it's important that we respond to our heartaches in a healthy way. Devotion to spiritual disciplines is crucial when we're hurting. Prayer, Bible study, looking at life through lens of faith, giving thanks for life's blessings, worship and service to others can make a big difference. We may not think devotion to faith and its practices is important and productive, but life is pointed in the right direction when its pointed toward God. We nurture our spirit with a vision of a better life. I'm sure the man who was beside the pool had tried to walk many times during his thirty-eight years. When Jesus told him to take up his mat and walk, he may have thought, Doesn't he know I've tried to do that so many times? Most likely he had that thought and he had probably lost the vision of being able to walk again. Jesus gave him new hope and a new vision.
Don't ever underestimate the value that can be known when life is pointed toward God. Life that is pointed toward God helps to create a healthy vision in our mind and spirit. We need the One who is greater than we are to help us move beyond life's heartaches.
The second faith-lesson that merits remembering when we know heartache is that some of life's experiences reach beyond what we're able to understand or control.
The apostle Paul was right when he wrote, "In this life we see in a mirror dimly... Now I know only in part..." And, yet, we yearn to understand all that happens. That's impossible. If we can't understand it, we certainly can't control it. Wise is the person who knows and accepts that there is much about life which is beyond our control or our ability to understand.
We need to remember that faith isn't about knowing everything. It's not about having all of life's answers. Faith, finally, is about trusting.
It's interesting and instructive that Paul wrote the words, "In this life we see in a mirror dimly... Now I know only in part..." in the chapter that's known as "Paul's hymn of love." Love itself becomes frustrating and sick at times, causing heartaches. Even when we love, we can't always get a grip on what is happening.
In his hymn of love, Paulalso speaks of "now and then." Paul says there are things we don't understand now, but there will come a time when we will understand. The now can be clouded with heartache and pain, and perhaps even anger. What the "then" will become in this life is often left up to us to define.
There's also a "then" on the other side of this life. The apostle says on the other side of life we will see loved ones again, face to face. It will be in that "then" that we will understand what we fail to understand on this side of life. Hear again the apostle's words: "Now I know only in part; then (my italics) I will know fully, even as I have been fully known."
In the first church I served we often sang out of a hymnal that many small membership churches use. One of the songs we sung was Farther Along. So often, I have thought of that hymn during times of heartache and confusion. The writer, Reverend W. B. Stevens must have been thinking of I Corinthians 13 when he wrote the lyrics. Listen to the words of the chorus:
"Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up, my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by."
Cheer up my brother...Cheer up my sister, live in the sunshine! Don't choose to live in darkness!
Some heartaches come and it's beyond our control to change what happened. Other hurts come and we can make them better by changing what we've been doing. But here is a truth that we need to grasp: Regardless how a heartache comes, with God's help, our cooperation and the love of others we can rise above the heartache. It's so much better to live with hope for a better tomorrow than dwell on the past and present that know hurt.
The third faith-lesson says: When our heart aches, it's important that we love others and accept the love of others.
Here is where many of us have difficulty. Sometimes when we're hurting, we don't feel worthy to be loved. We may think that we don't want to be a burden to others. Or, we allow anger and frustration to overcome us and find it hard to love or be loved.
If you have such an experiencetry to remember that life is both thinking and feeling. One of the challenges is keeping thoughts and feelings balanced. You don't want life to be just about thinking; to be that way is to be cold and unable to relate to others meaningfully. And, you don't want life to just be about feelings; for life to be that way is to be like a ship without a rudder. Unfortunately, too many of us overload life with feelings. Make an effort not to do that.
Some fear love because they've been hurt so badly. With their mind, they try to build a barrier to prevent feelings from encroaching. That's a sad decision, a decision that penalizes self. When the Bible says that we were created in God's image, it is affirming that God created us to love and be loved. It has nothing to do with us looking like God physically.
Burry Wiseman is a retired pastor. Sometime ago I read about an experience he had when driving. This is the way he records the experience:
"I was driving one day and there was a school bus in front of me taking children home. It stopped in front of me to let a child off. The stop sign arm swung out and I began tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, muttering under my breath, 'Hurry, hurry, hurry! Come on, kid, move, move, move!"
"But no one got off the bus. After a few minutes, I noticed a little girl come out of a house and walk across the ice and snow toward the bus. She stood by the door, not getting on the bus. By then I was getting a little antsy.
"Then a little handicapped girl got off the bus. Her sister had come out from the house to help her. They put their arms around one another and half-lifted each other across the street, up the stairs, onto the porch and into their home. You could tell they were used to doing it, that they really enjoyed one another. They were laughing and smiling.
"That simple gesture spoke volumes. For centuries, religion has come along beside us as we're limping along and said, "You're a sinner. You're lost. You're a failure. You need to get right with God." We should have been saying, "God gave us one another. Let's lift each other up and ease the way."[2]
God created us to live in community, to be in a church, so we can at times be the one to help another off the bus, and at times be the one who is helped off the bus. When life is broken, when heartaches come, finally it will be love that makes the difference. This is just one of the reasons Jesus said to his disciples, late in his earthly ministry with them: "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another" (John 13:34). Finally, when all has been said and done, love is what matters.
Open your heart to God's love, as witnessed by Jesus. Let God love you; let others love you; and give the gift of love to others. Healing will come. You will move beyond heartache!
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen!
Closing Prayer:
Dear God, we thank you for being with us in life's good times and difficult times. In all times, help us to know your loving presence. And, Father, save us from ourselves when we are hurting. Encourage us to love others and be willing and grateful recipients of their love. Help us, Father, to know peace that passes understanding. In Jesus' name and for our sakes and the sakes of those who love us, we pray. Amen.