Healthy Authority in the Family

Family Sermon

Ephesians 6v1-4

Healthy authority in the Family

South African families are in a crisis. Here some statistics produced by the South African Institute of Race relations in 2011:

859 thousand children are growing up without either of their parents.

In addition to that, 624 thousand children are growing up without their mothers. They’ve just got their fathers.

2 million 4 hundred and 68 thousand children are growing up without their fathers.

Only 35 percent of children between the age of 0 and 17 are growing up with both their parents. This means that 65% of children in South Africa do not grow up in a stable family with both mother and father present.

So if youv grown up with both your parents present, then you are in the minority in South Africa. One third minority

Now one of the main causes of this is HIV AIDs. Many of these children don’t have parents, because their parents have died.

But even if we just focus on children whose parents are still alive: even then we find that 48 percent of them are living without their fathers. Their father’s are absent from their lives.

Also, there are 122 thousand children in South Africa living in a child-headed household. Children are leading the home.

And you might think this is because their parents have died. But no. 92 percent of those 122 thousand children do have parents who are still alive.

And so its not only death that’s causing these statistics. Its also because of parents who don’t take responsibility for their children.

And then on top of all that. You’ve also got many many kids who might live in the same house as their parents. Both their parents are present according ot the stats. But their parents are working such long hours. Whether its studying or pursuing a career or following their hobbies. That effectively the kids are growing up without their parents.

And so there’s a family crisis in our land. And this is has a destructive effect on our society. According to this article, orphaned children are at a significantly higher risk of missing out on schooling, of living in households with less food, of suffering from anxiety and depression and of contracting HIV AIDS.

Broken families lead to a broken society.

But Im not done yet. There’s more. The breakdown in families doesn’t just flow from absent parents. It also flows from a failure of parents to exercise their Biblical roles.

Even if both parents are present in their children’s lives. Its becoming increasingly difficult for parents to exercise a Biblical role.

We live in culture that despises authority. This is true of many young people in South Africa. We’ve had experience of oppressive authority in our past. And so authority has taken on very negative connotations. We live in a generation of people who wanna break free.

And this isn’t only true in South Africa. We get the same message from Hollywood. Most kids movies nowadays make parents seem dull and controlling. According to Teen magazines, parents are an unwanted authority who restrict our freedom. We are encouraged to rebel.

And so this is the culture we live in. It despises authority. Children are not encouraged to obey their parents. And so if ur a parent who wants to enforce obedience. Well then you looked down upon by society. Ur old fashioned. You narrow minded. You’re cruel.

But what I want you to see is that according to the Bible, this is not a good sign. According to the Bible this is one of the signs that we entering into terrible times.

In 2 Timothy 3 verse 1, God says: “But mark this: there will be terrible times in the last days. And then he lists the signs of terrible times:

“people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive…, disobedient to their parents

Same thing in Romans 1 verse 28. Paul talks about the fact that God has given people over totheir wickedness. To a depraved mind to do what ought not to be done. And then he lists the signs that God has done this

They have become God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful; inventing ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents.

And so this is a sign of terrible times, of people given over to wickedness. When children disobey their parents.

And so Im sorry to start on a negative note this morning. But we do need to recognize this. We do face a family crisis in our land. And so we desperately need God’s voice.We need his help. We need His instruction.What is a healthy family according to God?

Well we began to see the answer last week. We’ve started a new section in Ephesians. Chapter 5 verse 21

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And what we said last week is that this isn’t a command for us all to submit to each other equally. As if a boss must submit to his employee or a father must submit to his child. No. this is a heading for the upcoming verses. From chapter 5 verse 22 up until chapter 6 verse 9, Paul unpacks what this verse means. He tells us who must submit to who.

So in verses 22-33 he speaks about husbands and wives. Husbands have authority over their wives. Then in 6 verse 1-4 he speaks about parents and children. Parents have authority over their children. And then finally, in verse 5-9 he speaks about slaves and masters. Masters have authority over their slaves.

And so this morning, we come to the second section under this heading: the relationship between children and parents. But before we dive just two introductory comments:

Firstly, these comments come in the context of a book that tells you how to get saved. And so we now in the second half of the book which gives us practical instructions on how to live as people who have been saved. And that’s very important, because you might not be a saved person sitting here. And the last thing I want you to do is go away this morning and think that being a Christian is all about having healthy families. You might apply these instructions. You might have a healthy looking family. But you and your family might still end up going to hell. And that’ll be tragic. And so our great desire for you is to be saved. Don’t just go and apply these instructions without first getting right with the Lord.

Secondly Paul speaks about husbands and wives before he speaks about parents and children.I think that’s significant. You see, if you want a healthy family, If you wanna be good parents to your children. The firstthing you need to do is have a good relationship with your spouse. Be a good husband or wife.

If you ask me: what’s the greatest gift your parents ever gave you?

Well it’s the fact that they taught me about the Lord. That’s the greatest gift.

But what’s the 2nd greatest gift? Well It’s the fact that they loved each other. They were faithful. They had a good marriage.

If your parents are loving each other, then that is a precious gift.

If you wanna be good parents, the first step is focus on your marriage. Be a good husband. Be a good wife.

But now lets dive in. What about the relationship between parents and children?

And I want us to see two main points this morning. Firstly to children. submit to the authority of your parents. Secondly to parents, be good authorities to your children.

So firstly, children, this ones for you. submit to the authority of your parents.

And one of the beautiful things about this is that this verse speaks directly to children. In other words, God’s Word isn’t only for adults. God wants to speak to children. It shows that children are important to Him. He wants them to listen to Him. He wants to have a relationship with them. That’s why we’ve focused on our Sunday school. Building new Sunday school rooms. Getting more teachers. Attracting more kids. Its not just to provide child care so that parents can listen to God’s Word. Its so that we can provide teaching for our children. We want children to know God.

And at the moment we do have a young families Bible study every Wednesday where the children also come. But because of the number of kids and a lack of teachers. Its impossile to teach the kids during that time. They simply have to be watched and controlled.

I wanna change that. And so Im looking for teachers. We need at least two, preferably 3 People who will be committed to preparing lessons and teaching these kids. And if you’d like to do that please come and speak to me.

But of course there’s a sense in which all of us are children. Unless ur an alien in disguise. We all have human parents. And so we all children.

But here Paul’s especially focused on children who are still growing up. You can see that in verse 4. It speaks about bringing your children upin the instruction of the Lord.

And so this command to obey your parents, itsnot talking to full grown children. If ur a grown up. You don’t still have to obey your parents. But all of us still have the responsibility to honour our parents. There is a difference. And I think that’s an important distinction to make.

But Paul focuses here on children who are still growing up. And he give us three reasons why children must obey their parents.

The first one’s in verse 1. Its very simple. “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for… this is right.”

What a simple reason!

Why must children obey their parents? Simply because it’s right.

You see you don’t need to be very spiritual to understand this. You don’t have to go to Bible College. You don’t need to study your bible. You don’t even need to be a Christian.

This is something that many non-Christians can understand. You can read non-Christian books aboutit. You can see it on non-Christian TV programs. Many non-Christian societies in the world throughout history have recognized this. Its good for children to obey their parents.

And In fact, you don’t even need to be a human being to understand this. This is a simple law of nature. Even animals understand it. A mother lion will train its cubs how to hunt. A mother bird will teach its chicks how to fly. A mother horse will help its foal to walk.

What a dangerous and foolish thing it would be for a baby animal not to obey its parents!

You see, this is a simple law even in nature. This is how God has made the world.

And so no wonder it’s the sign of terrible times… when this basic law is ignored.

My little boy’s 3. And he’s just entering the “why” stage. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Where the response to everything is why. They wanna know the reason. And sometimes this’ll extend to obedience. Eat your food. Why? Brush your teeth. Why? Pick u your toys. Why?

And we gona talk just now about communicating to our kids. We do wanna address their minds. As far as possible we want them to see the reason for our command.

But for children, this must never be a condition for obedience. You mustn’t require a good reason before you will obey. Even if you can’t see the reason. Even maybe if you disagree with your parents reason. You still need to obey. Simply because its right.

Children obey your parents, for this is right.

Then in verse 2 Paul gives a 2nd reason why children must obey their parents. Its because this is a command with a promise. Verse 2. ‘“Honour your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise. (here’s the promise) - “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”’

Now Paul is quoting here from the 10 commandments.Exodus chapter 20 verse 12. ButI want you to notice, Paul changes the promise slightly. See if you can notice. In Exodus it says: “honour your mother and father that you may live long and it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

But here in Ephesians Paul says: “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

And the reason for the change is because in the Old Covenant God’s promises were specifically for the Jews. For one nation living in one land. But now God’s promises have extended to all nations in all the earth. And so the promised land for God’s people isn’t just the land of Canaan. The fulfilment of the promised land is the whole earth. Ultimately a new heavens and a new earth. But even now, in this earth. there blessings that come if we obey our parents.

And so I want you to think about this: Who are the beneficiaries of this promise? When a child obeys their parents? Who is the one who benefits from their obedience?

We often think its the parents. Imagine how good our lives would be if our children always obeyed us. If we were writing this verse we’d say children obey your parents that it may go well with them that they might enjoy long life on the earth. It definitely seems to shorten our lives when we’ve got disobedient children. But that’s not what this verse says.

It doesn’t say: honour your mother and father that their lives might be easy, that they might be blessed. This promise is addressed to the children. If you obey your parents, then you will benefit from your obedience.

And so Let me ask you parents: according to this verse: what makes you a cruel parent? We usually think that a cruel mother is one who forces her children to obey. A cruel father is one who punishes his children. But not according to this verse. According to this verse, a cruel parent is one who allows his children to disobey. He allows his children to move outside of this promise of blessing

Proverbs 19 verse 18 says: “discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”

And so how cruel it is not to discipline our children. According to Proverbs wer being a willing party to their death. We’re encouraging them along,…

on the pathway to the grave

If you wanna be kind to your children you need to make sure that they obey.

And if you wanna receive blessings as a child, then you need to obey your parents. This is a command with a promise.

And then thirdly, I want you to see the most important reason why children must obey. Its because our parents have authority from the Lord.

Verse 1 again: “Children, obey your parents… in the Lord”.

You see, who are you obeying when we obey our parents? You actually obeying the Lord.

I grew up with two brothers. And we were all quite competitive. And so we used to hate obeying each other. Actually We still do. And If I told my brothers that they must do something, they’dautomatically want to do the opposite. If I went out and called my brothers for supper and I said: guys, you must come inside now for supper. The chances are they wouldn’t obey.

But if I went out and I just added 2 words to my sentence. If I said: guys mom says you must come inside now for supper. Then they’d be happy to obey, because now they not actually obeying me. Theyobeying my mom. They recognized that I’m speaking with the authority of my mom.

And in the same way, we need to recognize thatparents speak with authority from the Lord. It might sometimes feel very difficult to obey our parents. But we need to remember who we obeying. Our parents have authority from the Lord. And so we obey them out of obedience to Him.

And this also applies to non-Christian parents. When it says, “we must obey our parents in the Lord” its not saying that we must only obey our parents if they Christians. Its saying we must obey them as long as they don’t disagree with the instructions of the Lord. So If your parents tell you, you mustnt read your Bible or you mustn’t go to church. Or you must engage in some ceremony that involves acestor worship.Then we must disobey them.

But otherwise we must make every effort to obey our parents as if wewere obeying the Lord.

That’sthe command to children: submit to the authority of your parents. Now secondly, a command for parents. Be a good authority to your kids.

Some of you are parents already. Some of you will be parents in the future.

This is how to be a good authority figure in your children’s lives.

And even though I think verse 4 can be applied to both mothers and fathers, notice that it’s addressed specifically to fathers.

Fathers you are responsible for raising your kids. Don’t just leave the child raising to your wives. As if

“Im the man. I work. And then I come home. And I eat. And I watch TV.”