***ENJOY FAMILY TRADITIONS***

From trimming the tree, to carolling and midnight mass, much of the festive season centres around family activities and customs that have been passed on from one generation to the next.

Although your loved one with dementia might not be able to get out on the ice rink or play the lead in the local am-dram panto like they used to, there are still plenty of activities we can all enjoy together, like:

  • decorating the Christmas tree or putting up simple decorations
  • singing favourite songs or listening to traditional holiday music
  • going for a walk
  • watching a favourite film

The rituals we have around Christmas can provide a great source of reminiscence. Why not get the photo album out and remember past festivities and fun family stories?

While many of us might relish the opportunity to duck out of the housework, for some people with dementia helping around the house gives them an opportunity to be useful and included. For example, they might enjoy helping to prepare meals, doing dishes, light housework, etc. As always, remember to consider the person’s safety.

You can also take the opportunity to establish new traditions and activities that include the old and familiar, while adapting to your loved one’s new needs.

***BE REALISTIC AND MAKE ADJUSTMENTS***

Christmas is a time of year where we can all feel pressure to make sure everything is perfect. To make the holidays as stress free as possible be realistic about what is manageable both for the person with dementia and you.

It is okay to make changes to your usual plans. Friends and family will understand and will be willing to help.

Here are some things you can consider:

  • Do you need to entertain as lavishly as you have always done? Could you produce simpler meals or ask friends and family to bring along a dish?
  • Don’t feel guilty about cutting corners – do you need to make every dish from scratch or could shop-bought dishes work just as well?
  • Would it be better to have just one or two visitors rather than a houseful, particularly if the person with dementia finds it hard to cope with lots of people and noise?
  • Do you need to celebrate at all or would you prefer just to have a quiet time at home, particularly if the person you care for no longer recognises that it is the festive season?

Christmas can be a tough time for many families, whether they are living with dementia or not. Mistakes happen and things rarely run entirely smoothly - the bumps are all part of life! A little bit of understanding goes a long way. Don't be too hard on yourself or your loved ones this Christmas.

***PLAN AHEAD AND BE PREPARED***

The festive season is often a time when friends and family that we haven't seen in a while pop by. You may wish to prepare them in advance for any changes they might notice, for example any particular kinds of behaviour such as unusual eating habits or reactions.

You could encourage people to introduce themselves rather than assume that the person will remember them. It can also help if they explain their relationship to the person if he or she doesn’t seem to recognise the visitor.

Preparation can also include speaking with the person with dementia about what will be happening over the holiday although this will vary very much from person to person.

Some people prepare their relative in advance for changes to their daily routine, especially if they will be going to someone else’s home to celebrate. It could be helpful to prepare a structured timetable – saying when the person will be collected, when they will be eating, when they will be going home, etc. Repetition can help too.

However, if you think festive plans may cause the person with dementia to become stressed you may prefer just to tell the person on the day what is going to happen.

Here are some tips for planning a successful holiday schedule:

  • keep things simpler and quieter.
  • ask visitors to come in small groups and space out their visits
  • ask visitors to come at a time of day when the person is likely to be at his or her best.

If your relative is now being cared for away from home, you may face a decision on whether bringing them home for Christmas is the right thing to do. For some people with dementia, a change of environment can be very stressful.

If the person you care for can’t come home, you can still make plans to share part of the celebrations with him or her.

  • find out what’s happening at the care home and if you can do anything to help.
  • take along some home cooking or a special treat that you know the person will particularly enjoy.
  • put up some familiar Christmas decorations in the person’s room, but be conscious that they might find change confusing, so be prepared to take them down again.
  • you may be able to spend a large part of the day but try to ensure that the person with dementia isn’t overwhelmed.
  • be realistic about your responsibility to yourself and to other family members.

***TAKE TIME TO TALK***

For many of us the festive season is a time where we catch up with friends and family that we may not have seen in a long time.

If you don’t see your friend or relative with dementia very often, you might pick up on changes that are less obvious to people with regular contact. You might observe that the person with dementia’s condition has declined and they could do with some more support, or you may notice that their carer isn’t coping very well and needs a bit more help. It could be a good opportunity to ask whether they need more help.

If you are the person with dementia or carer this could be an opportunity to let your friends and family know that you need more help. It can be difficult to admit that we aren’t coping and it isn’t always easy to ask for help. However, putting off asking for assistance can let a small problem grow into a crisis.

It can be difficult to talk about dementia, but having these conversations can make a huge difference to someone’s quality of life.

Here are some tips for having the conversation:

  • Try to find a time to talk to the person when you are both relaxed and doing something together – having a cup of tea out walking together etc.
  • Avoid talking about your concerns at already stressful times – if the turkey is burning in the oven, or the kids are fighting over their presents it might not be the best opportunity!
  • Be honest and direct.
  • Use non-judgemental language and always reassure the person that it is not his/her fault.

You can find more tips for starting conversations about dementia at

***CHECK YOU HAVE ENOUGH MEDICATION AND EMERGENCY CONTACT DETAILS***

You should make sure that the person with dementia has their prescription(s) and enough medication to cover the holiday period.

If you are not the person’s usual carer, speak to the person’s carer or to their care manager for details of their medication. You should also ensure that you have a number for the person with dementia’s GP.

Pharmacies do provide holiday cover - see the telephone book, or consult your local pharmacist in advance to get details. Your local NHS Board will also publish on their websites details of which pharmacies will be open when during the holiday period. That information should also be available from NHS 24 by calling 111.

All local authorities have an emergency social work service – the number is in the phone book or ask the Dementia Helpline (0808 808 3000) for the number for your area.

NHS 24 operates a 24-hour nurse advice and health information service providing confidential information for the general public, and further details of out-of-hours medical services in your area.

If you think anyone’s life is in danger and you need an emergency ambulance, phone 999.

***THINK ABOUT FOOD AND DRINK***

From mince pies and Christmas dinner to steak pie and black bun at Hogmanay, food has an important role in traditional festive celebrations.

With large family dinners and sweets passed around at every available opportunity, the festive period can become a time of excess.

The most important thing is not to overwhelm the person with dementia.

Here are some key questions you can ask the person with dementia to make sure they enjoy their Christmas meal:

  • Would you prefer to eat by yourself? Sometimes eating at a big table can be distracting.
  • What sort of appetite do you have? Maybe they eat less than they used to. They might prefer finger food or light meals.
  • What do you like to eat? Preferences can change and they might enjoy combinations of food which seem peculiar
  • When do you like to eat? They might prefer to eat out with normal mealtimes.

There are also some simple things you can do to help at meal times. For example, consider using an insulated plate if you find that the person with dementia is a slow eater.

Sometimes, people with dementia find it hard to make out the food on their plate or are unable to see the plate on a table. For example, a white plate on a white tablecloth will be harder to see. Ensuring good colour contrasts between food and plate, and plate and table can help a lot.

The person with dementia may enjoy a glass of wine with their meal or a celebratory whisky or sherry, but alcohol should be consumed in moderation or perhaps not at all. People with alcohol-related dementia should avoid alcohol.

Some people may be unable to drink alcohol because of medication they are taking or because they have a health condition which makes them more susceptible to the effects of alcohol.

Because people’s balance tends to get worse as they get older, even a small amount of alcohol may make people more unsteady on their feet and more likely to fall.

Check with the person’s doctor if there are any foods which should be avoided or if there are any reasons why the person should not consume alcohol.

***LOOK AFTER YOURSELF***

If you're feeling run-down and stressed you're not going to be at your best - that's why it is important to look after yourself and recharge your batteries. Here are some tips for keeping well over Christmas...

Encourage napping: short days, rich food and lack of exercise can make people sleepy. Make sure there is a quiet place set aside for those who prefer to doze in a chair and remember, carers need naps too!

Get outside: if it’s cold, people tend to stay inside but this can cause restlessness. Wrap up warmly and get outside for a while, just to clear your head and breathe some fresh air.

Be sociable: this is hardly likely to be a problem if you are catering for lots of family and friends, but if you are on your own caring for a person with dementia you should avoid becoming isolated. Make sure you have given yourself time to do some things which you enjoy.

Watch your diet: alcohol is a prominent feature of the festive period and you should enjoy a drink if you want to. Remember, though, that alcohol is a depressant and should be taken in moderation. Also, with so many rich, sweet festive foods on offer, you may find that your energy levels fluctuate. Treat yourself but try to maintain a healthy intake of fruit and vegetables and drink plenty of water.

Take time to talk: don’t view dementia as a taboo subject. Having family and friends together is the perfect opportunity to talk about any concerns or worries so use that time to share information and ask for support.

And, of course our 24 Dementia Helpline is always open if you need someone to talk to. Call us any time, day or night on 0808 808 3000 or email