CHAPTER 10
What Are the Challenges in Developing an Intercultural-Intimate Relationship?
CHAPTER 10 OBJECTIVES AND OUTLINE
Chapter 10 Objectives:
As a result of reading Chapter 10 and participating in related class discussions and activities, you should be able to:
(1) Identify the invisible challenges in intercultural-intimate relationships;
(2) Appreciate the factors that promote intercultural-intimate attraction;
(3) Understand the important role of self-disclosure in intercultural-intimate relationship development;
(4) Explore cross-cultural online affection expression and online dating development;
(5) Anticipate potential obstacles and delightful rewards in developing an intercultural-intimate relationship;
(6) Use a diverse range of relationship management strategies to deal with racism and prejudice issues in the intercultural/interracial relationship; and
(7) Appreciate the identity struggles of bicultural/biracial children and be able to offer suggestions or implement tips in raising bicultural-biracial children.
Chapter 10 Outline:
Introduction section:
1. Intimacy: includes affection, inclusion, trust, depth (NOTE: This is a brief description; see the textbook for full definitions.)
2. Intimate relationships: romantic, close family, deep friend relationships
I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Challenges
A. Cultural-Ethnic Membership Values
1. Individualists: “I” identity, personal privacy and relationship privacy
2. Collectivists: “we” identity, family and ingroup network connection
3. All endorse as top mate-selection criteria: mutual attraction-love, dependability, emotional stability, kindness-understanding.
B. Different Expectations and Expressions
1. Individualistic cultures:
a. Most individuals typically “fall in love” first, then marry
b. High U.S. divorce rate due in part to exaggerated individualism
c. In the United States, partners desire to “lose” themselves in romance, then struggle with desire for personal freedom
2. Many traditional collectivists: the meaning of being in love develops over long-term commitment; continue to fall in love after marriage
C. Autonomy-Connection Issues
1. Autonomy: need for privacy and personal space in a relationship
2. Connection: need for relatedness and fluid merging of personal space
3. Independent-self intimate partners: balance this theme as “me-we”
4. Interdependent-self individuals: views “me-we-they-they” juggling act
5. Personal commitment: continue relationship based on emotional feelings and experiences
6. Structural commitment: consider external social and family reactions to continuing or ending relationship
7. “Hook up” culture: consensual sexual activity, no commitment
D. Communication Decoding Issues: For two cultural strangers:
1. Be at least proficient in shared language and everyday slang and idioms
2. Native language speaker must develop cultural sensitivity, knowledge
3. Individualists: low-context in initiating, maintaining, ending relationships
4. Collectivists: indirect approach, sacrifice, attending to other’s needs, desires
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Facilitating Factors
A. Perceived Physical Attractiveness
1. Physical attractiveness: critical to initial attraction
2. Impression formation and interpersonal attraction are interdependent
3. Perceived attractiveness (credibility and attractiveness are judged by the beholder and the culture)
B. Perceived Similarity
1. Perceived similarity: degree to which one thinks others are similar or dissimilar to oneself
2. Intergroup-interpersonal attraction: perceived cultural-racial similarity
3. Similarity-attraction hypothesis: positive relationship exists between perceived similarity and interpersonal attraction (more similarity, then more attraction)
C. Cross-Cultural Self-Disclosure Comparisons
1. Self-disclosure: intentionally reveal exclusive information about self
2. Social penetration theory: self-disclosure progresses from superficial to deep
3. Involves breadth (topic number) and depth (emotional vulnerability)
4. Public self: facets easily shared. Private self: facets not usually shared.
a. Japanese: small public and large private selves.
b. U.S. Americans: larger public and smaller private selves.
5. Johari Window: 4 panels
a. Open: known to self and to generalized or specific other
b. Hidden: hidden from others
c. Blind: not known to self
d. Unknown: unknown to self, others
6. Self-disclosure increases intimacy, which prompts more self-disclosure
D. Online Disclosure of Affection: Using Facebook:
1. U.S. students accumulate large social networks
2. Korean students have smaller number, deeper social connections
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and Mobile Dating
5 phases: attention, recognition, interaction, face-to-face meeting, resolution
F. Intercultural/Interracial Romantic Relationship Development
1. Interracial couples’ four stages of “racial” awareness and awakening:
a. Racial awareness: gradual awareness of other’s/society’s views
b. Coping: struggles and strategies to gain approval from others
c. Identity emergence: announce relationship to ingroups, family
d. Relationship maintenance: hard work in facing challenges
2. Rewards: personal enrichment, lifestyle with greater diversity and emotional vitality, raising open-minded resourceful children
3. Other factors:
a. The later the generation in the United States, the more likely outgroup dating
b. Assimilated, bicultural, marginal identities: outgroup dating tendency
c. The “Romeo and Juliet” effect: family resistance increases liking
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Major Obstacles
A. The Encounter: Prejudice and Racism
1. Intercultural-intimate conflict: disagreement between two romantic partners due, in part, to cultural or ethnic group membership differences
2. Interracial couples display obvious visible differences compared to interethnic or interfaith couples, who can choose to reveal or not
3. Racism: power/dominance of a “superior” racial group over “inferiors”
4. Family members’ reactions vary, from ostracism to acceptance
B. Countering racism and prejudice: coping strategies include ignoring, normalizing, withdrawing, educating, confrontation, prayer, and humor
C. Relational Transgressions and Terminations: if online infidelity is discovered:
1. U.S. students prefer angry exit. Chinese students prefer loyalty, passive neglect, and third-party help.
2. Interracial couples: higher divorce rate than same-race
3. White females encounter more racism with black husbands
Iv. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
A. Bicultural Identity Struggles: four identity forms of bicultural children:
1. Majority-group identifiers: identify with parent from dominant culture
2. Minority-group identifiers: identify with minority parent
3. Synthesizers: acknowledge and synthesize both influences
4. Dissaffiliates: identify with neither parent’s cultural background
B. Cultivating a Secure Multifaceted Identity
1. To help bicultural individuals: know values and beliefs and have positive attitudes toward both groups
2. Practical guidelines include: work out family identity plan, listen to children’s experiences, be truthful about prejudice, racism, etc.
V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-Ables
To manage diverse intimate relationship issues:
A. Attend to culture-based challenges
B. Be mindful of different expectations regarding communication
C. Be sensitive to family issues, individualistic-collectivistic value gaps
D. Commit to deep friendship with partner as cushion for stressors
E. Accept partner’s core personality
F. Learn code-switching with partner
G. Be responsive to emotional tasks in relationship
H. Give emotionally supportive messages
I. Think positively about relationship, and its memories
CHAPTER 10 CHECK-UP
Check out the following cultural literacy and self-assessment questions:
Self-Assessment Quiz: How do you express affection for your close friends on Facebook? Think of one or two ways and then check out the top three ways:
POP-UP ANSWER:
1. Send them a wink ;)
2. Post pictures with one another
3. Add love applications
To see the rest of the top five, check out Hit-or-Miss 10.1 in the text on page 217.
Jeopardy Quiz: Can you name the top Internet dating site?
a. Eharmony.com
b. Match.com
c. Perfectmatch.com
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. Match.com (twenty-nine million subscribers) To see the rest of the top five Internet dating sites, check out Jeopardy Box 10.2 in the text on page 217.
CHAPTER 10 GLOSSARY-MATCHING QUIZ
Match the following five terms with their respective definitions:
a. Majority-group identifiers
b. Intercultural-intimate conflict
c. Synthesizers
d. Structural commitment
e. Intimate relationship
___ 1. A very personal or private relationship marked by warmth and familiarity.
___ 2. Antagonistic friction or disagreement between two romantic partners due, in part, to cultural or ethnic group membership differences.
___ 3. Biracial children who identify with the parent from the dominant culture or religion, who may or may not publicly acknowledge the identity of their other parent.
___ 4. Taking into consideration external social and family reactions in deciding to either continue or terminate an intercultural-intimate relationship.
___ 5. Biracial children who acknowledge the influence of both aspects of their parents’ backgrounds and synchronize the diverse aspects of their parents’ values into a coherent identity.
POP-UP ANSWER:
1. e
2. b
3. a
4. d
5. c
Match the following five terms with their respective definitions:
a. Coping
b. Disaffiliates
c. Minority-group identifiers
d. Racial awareness
e. Relationship maintenance
___ 1. Biracial children who identify with neither parent’s cultural background.
___ 2. Stage at which members of an interracial couple gradually become aware of each other’s and society’s views on interracial relationships.
___ 3. Biracial children who identify with the minority parent.
___ 4. Stage at which an interracial couple faces struggles in gaining approval from their families and friends and the strategies they come up with in dealing with such external pressures.
___ 5. Stage in which an interracial couple has continuous hard work in dealing with new challenges such as having children, moving, and meeting new social circles.
POP-UP ANSWER:
1. b
2. d
3. c
4. a
5. e
CHAPTER 10 REVIEW QUIZ
Multiple Choice: Select and click the BEST ANSWER from the choices available.
1. Joanna is an individualist, and so she considers whether to continue her relationship with a romantic partner based on subjective emotional feelings and experiences. This reflects what kind of commitment?
a. Emotional commitment
b. Voluntary commitment
c. Personal commitment
d. Structural commitment
POP-UP ANSWER:
c. Personal commitment (p. 209)
2. The similarity-attraction hypothesis states that if the amount of perceived similarity between potential romantic partners increases, their interpersonal attraction will ___________.
a. be called into question
b. increase
c. decrease
d. not be affected
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. increase
3. As a collectivist, Jafaar’s relationship orientation is most likely to include which of the following?
a. I-identity relationship expectations
b. Ingroup relationship pressures
c. An emphasis on personal privacy issues
d. Low-context direct messages
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. Ingroup relationship pressures (p. 207)
4. A biracial individual who synchronizes the values, beliefs, and customs from both parents is practicing what form of identity?
a. Majority-group identifier
b. Minority-group identifier
c. Synthesizer
d. Disaffiliate
POP-UP ANSWER:
c. Synthesizer (p. 225)
5. Jael and Joachim are in an interracial dating relationship and have just become “awakened” to the fact that their family and friends are uncomfortable with interracial dating. In which stage of interracial-intimate relationship development is this couple?
a. Racial awareness
b. Coping
c. Identity emergence
d. Relationship maintenance
POP-UP ANSWER:
a. Racial awareness (p. 218)
6. Jordan lives in the United States and has a white father and a Filipino mother. She identifies with her mother’s heritage and minimizes her father’s heritage. Which identity form is Sonya practicing?
a. Majority-group identifier
b. Minority-group identifier
c. Synthesizer
d. Disaffiliate
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. Minority-group identifier (pp. 224-225)
7. Jamir has a European American mother and an Arab American father. He claims that neither U.S. culture nor Arabic culture has an influence on him, and he resists identifying himself as a member of either racial or cultural group. Jamir is practicing which identify form?
a. Majority-group identifier
b. Minority-group identifier
c. Synthesizer
d. Disaffiliate
POP-UP ANSWER:
d. Disaffiliate (p. 225)
8. Although Jon enjoys dating an outgroup member, he is considering breaking off the relationship because his family would disapprove. To which kind of commitment does this relate?
a. Autonomy
b. Personal
c. Connection
d. Structural
POP-UP ANSWER:
d. Structural (p. 209)
9. A hallmark of intimacy is ______________ self-disclosure, which is an individual’s willingness to reveal exclusive private information to a significant other.
a. high-breadth
b. deep-layered
c. autonomous
d. voluntary
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. deep-layered (p. 213)
10. ______________ means creating a favorable assessment by others so that others can either be attracted to them or at least find them credible.
a. Interpersonal attraction
b. Voluntary commitment
c. Structural commitment
d. Impression formation
POP-UP ANSWER:
d. Impression formation (p. 211)
True/False: In order to identify the best answer, consider whether each statement is true (i.e., accurate) or false (i.e., inaccurate). Click either “a” for “True” or “b” for “False.”
1. The “blind” panel in the Johari Window includes information about myself that I don’t know and that others do know about me.
a. True
b. False
POP-UP ANSWER:
a. True (p. 215). You may be “blind”—or unaware that you have—an annoying mannerism that others observe, and wish you didn’t do! J
2. Individuals who view their ethnic identities and traditions as very important aspects of their self-concept are more likely to date and/or marry out of their own groups.
a. True
b. False
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. False (p. 219)
3. Individualists are more likely to use a low-context verbal approach in initiating, maintaining, and ending a close relationship.
a. True
b. False
POP-UP ANSWER:
a. True (p. 210)
4. The “Romeo and Juliet effect” occurs when families become overenthusiastic and romanticize an interracial couple’s relationship.
a. True
b. False
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. False (p. 219)
5. An interracial couple whose coping strategy involves “normalizing” tries to withdraw as a normal way to respond to racist insults.
a. True
b. False
POP-UP ANSWER:
b. False (p. 222). “Normalizing” means that they appeal to others to accept them as a “normal” couple.
CHAPTER 10 INTERCULTURAL TOUR
Check out the following intercultural scenario:
(NOTE: See “Chapter 10 Class Handouts” for a printable version.)
A CRITICAL INCIDENT: ARRIVAL OF THE IN-LAWS
Ken and Kim have been married for six years. For most of those six years, they have been a happily married couple. Ken is a thirty-three-year-old German American and works at a high-tech firm in Silicon Valley. Kim is a thirty-year-old Chinese immigrant who is a pharmacist and works in a nearby hospital. The couple has a three-year-old son, Kevin. For the past three years, Kim has spent countless hours at the immigration office, applying for her parents to emigrate from China to the United States. Ken has been very supportive of Kim throughout this process. At long last, her parents finally gained entrance to the United States. They have been here for eight months, living across the street from the couple. The grandparents are delighted to be reunited with their daughter, and they dote on their only grandson. While Ken and Kim are at work, the grandparents baby-sit Kevin. Because the grandparents do not speak English, they only speak Chinese to Kevin. To their delight, Kevin has been picking up Chinese quickly.
Recently, Ken and Kim have had many tense moments and communication difficulties relating to the in-law issue. To begin with, Ken feels he is never alone with Kim in the house anymore. His in-laws are always there. Kim and her parents chatter constantly in Chinese. They also laugh in that strange Chinese tone. To make matters worse, Kim has now started to speak to him in Chinese rather than English! Ken feels very left out in his own house. He hears the Chinese laughter from the kitchen and he feels like an outsider. He loves his family and he wants things back to normal—the way it was. He decides to have an upfront, honest talk with Kim about his frustrations.