Balancing Engagement and Accountability Strategies with Fathers Who Have Used Violence
Information provided courtesy of
Futures Without Violence
Working with fathers who have used violence in the supervised visitation and exchange setting can be a complex and challenging task. In order to enhance the safety of victims of domestic violence and their children, staff must be able to engage with fathers while also holding them accountable for their use of violence. This balance requires skill and a thoughtful approach. The following strategies are provided to assist grantees in building a positive working relationship with fathers who have used violence without compromising the safety of the adult victim and child(ren) in the process.
Accountability Strategies
•Naming the violence without shaming – recognize past abuse without being harsh and judgmental (i.e., avoid shaming, embarrassing, or disgracing).
•Direct, respectful conversation – exemplify respectful and fair interaction when talking to fathers who have used violence and seek to establish constructive conversations around fathering.
•Referrals to batterer intervention – if a father wants to renounce violence and seeks to change his behavior, support this effort by making a meaningful referral to a batterer intervention program.
•Enlisting others with whom he has a relationship – encourage relationships with friends and associates that model healthy behavior.
•Communicating with other service providers – developing positive relationships with service providers that work with men who use violence can assist in creating a coordinated community response that leads to enhanced safety for children and adult victims.
•Recognize the differential impact on men of color by police or court responses – acknowledge realities of justice disparities and at the same time positively encourage a father’s personal choice and ability not to use violence.
Engagement Strategies
•Using positive universal messages that promote non-violence in parenting and intimate relationships – universal messaging through literature, materials, and staff communication can send a powerful message to fathers. Some examples of universal messages from staff are:
- “It is evident that you really care about the well being of your children.”
- “Your behavior has a life-long impact on your children. It’s never too late to turn it around and do things differently.”
- “The center is a place that values respect and safety for everyone.”
- “How do you want your children to remember you?”
•Strengths-based and positive approaches – seek opportunities to support his desire to be a good father without engaging in collusion.
•Using fatherhood to leave a legacy – most dads want their children to have positive memories of them. Ask a father what he wants to pass on, or what positive legacy he wants to leave for his children.
•Using culture – ask about positive cultural values that are important to fathers and that counter the use of violence.
•Development of empathy – abusive father’s empathy towards children can serve as a pathway through which fathers are able to reflect upon and decide to change their abusive behavior.
•Meaningful referrals – it may become evident that a father needs supportive services (i.e., parenting, employment and/or housing). Meaningful referrals can alleviate personal stressors and assist in your effort to build a healthy relationship with him.
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