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The Calmswan Gurdjieff Chronicles
Copyright © 2004-2009 Nosrepa de Mannu
THE CALMSWAN GURDJIEFF CHRONICLES
ONE PERSON’S EXPERIENCE IN THE GURDJIEFF WORK
Copyright © 2004-2009 Nosrepa de Mannu. All rights reserved.
Originally uploaded to Scribd.com April 18b, 2009.
October 10, 2009 – Chapter 26 edited for improved clarity.
May 12, 2012 – Chapter 51(principally), and ff. through Chapter 59, edited for improved clarity.
Also available online at http://sirhute.com/the-calmswan-gurdjieff-chronicles.doc
& http://sirhute.com/the-calmswan-gurdjieff-chronicles.pdf but internal links work properly only in downloaded Word file, i.e. not when reading from Scribd.
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“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.”
-T. S. Eliot, “Four Quartets,” “Quartet No. 4: Little Gidding"
(end of Stanza 5)
The poetry above is far better than the entire essay that follows.
This would be a good place to stop reading.
Well, if you insist…
Table of Contents
Ctrl/left-click to jump to any titled section.
1. PREFACE: A WAY STATION CREDO 5
Objectivity 5
Escaping the Personal 7
Beyond Consciousness 9
Directing Attention 13
Peering Around Cognition 15
Beyond Cognition 15
A Practical Guide to Here-Now 16
The Innocence of Pure Awareness 18
Defense and Attack 20
Questioning Time 21
Bohm’s Cylinder 23
Duality 25
Dissolving ‘Me’ 26
2. THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY OF CALMSWAN 30
3. CALMSWAN 31
The Personages 31
Beyond Good and Bad 34
Roles or Simplicity? 37
As Others See Us 39
Heroes 39
A Fisheye World 40
The Innocent Unity of ‘Me’ 42
4. A BUNCH OF WORDS 45
5. DEDICATION AND CAVEAT 46
6. ONCE UPON A TIME 49
7. BOOTED OUT 50
8. THE SCREAMING 51
9. HEARTACHE 52
10. BUSINESS-AS-USUAL 53
11. EMOTIONS AND REALITY 57
12. THE INNOCENCE OF IT ALL 59
13. MAKING AN UNNECESSARY SCENE 61
14. APPLIED PSYCHOLOGY 61
15. THE ROLE OF MARC 63
16. MARC, THE LORD, AND SAMUEL 67
17. MARC’S BELL CURVE 68
18. THE CALMSWAN DEMOGRAPHIC 69
19. MARC’S COMMITMENT TO “A RESPECTED MAN OF THE WORK” 71
20. HANK AND WALTER MITTY 73
21. MARC’S CAPACITY FOR ATTENTION 77
22. FIFTEEN MINUTES OF STEADY ATTENTION 79
23. FIFTEEN MINUTES VERSUS FIFTEEN SECONDS 80
24. THE GUILTY LITTLE BOY 83
25. WARMTH, DIRECTNESS, AND BULLHEADEDNESS 84
26. A REPEATED REMINDER TO PAY ATTENTION 85
27. ATTENTION IN THE GURDJIEFF MOVEMENTS (SACRED DANCES) 89
28. AN EXCITING CRAPSHOOT 95
29. THE FOUNDATION’S CREATION OF A TRADITION 98
30. PARALLELS: CALMSWAN’S APPROACH TO MOVEMENTS; MARC’S APPROACH TO PIANO 100
31. A PEEK AT THE MEN’S WEEKEND OF MAY 2004 103
Nosrepa’s Favorite Moth Story 104
Beyond the Moth Story 107
32. GAMES AND MACHISMO 109
33. AN AWAKENED ASSHOLE? 111
34. THE REAL REASON 114
35. THE SECRET 119
36. SECRECY IN THE CALMSWAN EQUATION 123
37. THE TOME 125
Beelzebub’s Tales: An Overview Askance 125
Synopsis 127
Silence and Monkeys 133
An Alternative View 134
The Present Moment Obfuscated 135
Getting Bogged Down at Karnak 137
A Refreshing Interlude of Synchronicity 139
Ecclesiastes, B.T., and NOW 141
The Gurdjieff “Work” Seen Through 143
Confusing the Troops 146
Stalking the Wild Essence-Vow 147
38. INTERLUDE 148
39. GOO 151
40. MARC AND ZEN 152
41. THE BENEFIT OF CALMSWAN MEMBERSHIP 155
42. THE REAL WORK 156
43. CURATORS OR GARDENERS? 159
44. FUN 163
45. MISUNDERSTANDING 164
46. A GUIDE TO REFINING MOTION IN SERVICE TO MUSIC 166
47. THE RIGHT NOTES 168
48. HOW I WISH IT HAD BEEN . . . 169
49. . . . AND WHY IT WASN'T 170
The Big Esoteric Secret about the ‘Gurdjieff’ Music 172
Performing the “Gurdjieff Music” Objectively 174
50. ENDINGS, BEGINNINGS, AND DUALITY 180
51. THE MOTHER OF ALL DUALITIES 184
52. GOOD AND EVIL 188
53. EMPATHY AND RESPECT 194
54. BUSINESS-AS-USUAL ON THE MUSIC TEAM 196
55. MARC’S MUSICAL MACHINATIONS 199
Game 1: 199
Game 2: 200
56. GRATITUDE AND BEMUSEMENT 203
57. THE FUTURE OF CALMSWAN 205
58. A TIME AND A SEASON 208
59. A FEW LOOSE ENDS 212
Nisargadatta, A Course in Miracles, and Sartrep 212
Here, Now, Always 213
Explaining “an undefined task” 214
“The Needs of Members of Religious Cults” 215
A Final Word: Nisargadatta with a Dash of Pema Chodron 217
1. PREFACE: A WAY STATION CREDO
Return to T.O.C.
This is a personal statement not based upon any erudition. It derives merely from getting up daily and looking around, while noticing that I am here and while questioning everything. This credo can be no more than partially true, because it is a product of incomplete objectivity. One senses that all credos are ephemeral, and that there exists a place of objectivity beyond time and beyond all credos.
There is more than a little truth to the adage, “Those that speak do not know; those that know do not speak.” But thank god for the simplicity of a Nisargadatta, who both knew and spoke:
“On realization, you feel complete, fulfilled, free from the pleasure-pain complex, and yet not always able to explain what happened, why and how. You can put it only in negative terms: "Nothing is wrong with me any longer". It is only by comparison with the past that you know that you are out of it. Otherwise, you are just yourself. Don't try to convey it to others. If you can, it is not the real thing. Be silent and watch it expressing itself in action.”
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Even faith in God is only a stage on the way. Ultimately, you abandon all, for you come to something so simple that there are no words to express it.
--Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes warns that within our shared dream all is "vanity," "meaningless," and that "...the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body" [12:12 NASB 1995]. But Ecclesiastes says also, "Whatever presents itself for you to do, do it with all your might..." [9:10 GOD'S WORD, 1995]. Go figure. Then continue reading, or not:
Objectivity
Return to T.O.C.
To be human is to be incapable of objectivity. Human perception is by default fragmentary and identified with the personal. Bias is inevitable. Misjudgment occurs. Inappropriate reaction follows not far behind.
Rarely if ever do I question my apperception or understand how pre-programmed by nature and by nurture has been my cognition. From earliest childhood I have been taught to believe in my separate existence, and in that as a tenuous situation in need of constant protection and reinforcement.
“‘In infinite time, in infinite matter, in infinite space an organic cell stands out, will hold together awhile and then burst, and that cell is Me.’
This was an agonizing fallacy, but it was the sole, the supreme result of centuries of human thought in that direction.
It was the ultimate belief on which all the systems of thought elaborated by the human mind in almost all their ramifications were based. It was the dominant conviction, and of all other explanations Levin had unconsciously chosen it, without knowing when or how, as being at any rate the clearest, and made it his own.”
-Tolstoy, Anna Karenin [sic], translated by Rosemary Edmonds (London, New York: Penguin Books, 1978 paperback), p:823
I live in the shadow of “the ultimate belief,” the “dominant conviction.” I have “…unconsciously chosen it, without knowing when or how...” I fail to realize that I am largely given over to automatic behavioral patterns that derive from a basic misconception of what I am.
Escaping the Personal
Return to T.O.C.
I begin to correct my misconception of what I am whenever I practice noticing more of the contents of the present moment without judging them.
I notice this body here-now, both vis-à-vis those contents and in contact with those contents. I notice the body’s breathing, and the little gap after each exhalation before the following inhalation. I use the gap to allow a small shift in perception away from cognitive judgment and toward alert acceptance. The body relaxes.
Within this practice I become so occupied with new or altered impressions that I forget to cling for dear life to all that I already ‘know’ (without knowing when or how I unconsciously chose it). I try to remember to lean into here-now, willing to let go of the tense and tenuous balance that has always restricted me to a set of pre-loaded definitions and explanations. I am eager to see what may become evident just beyond my previously accepted limits of perception and interpretation.
It seems not possible to sustain this practice indefinitely, so I must settle for implementing it again and again whenever I can remember. Without judging my success or failure, and at all costs to the personal, I return to here-now whenever it occurs to me to do so.
I notice that I exist. I notice that there are sensations and emotions. I notice that thoughts arise and subside. I seek to add nothing at all to the natural simplicity of noticing. I find in this act a lightness of heart, an unexpected joy. In T. S. Eliot’s words, above:
“Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)”
“The universe is perfect as a whole, and the part's striving for perfection is a way of joy. Willingly sacrifice the imperfect to the perfect, and there will be no more talk about good and evil.”
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
I notice that often I forget my wish to join the simplicity of here-now, beyond the personal. I have learned very well a constricted belief in my separateness, and a belief in a need to protect my separateness. On that falsely fragmented basis I sustain my knee-jerk reactions of judgment, fear and sometimes even retaliation.
“Here, now, always,” I may begin afresh. The cost is everything, but nothing real. Reality begins only as the heart joins here-now.
That which is sacrificed in order to gain simplicity is merely erroneous identification with the personal, which itself is the origin of all suffering. Only within the error of separation can I suffer. It turns out that I am not separated; there is actually no separate ‘me.’ But to the extent that I may continue to identify with the thought of ‘me,’ there will be suffering.
“Without sacrifice nothing can be attained. […] In actual fact [people] have to sacrifice only what they imagine they have and which in reality they do not have. They must sacrifice their fantasies. […]
Another thing that people must sacrifice is their suffering. […] Man is made in such a way that he is never so much attached to anything as he is to his suffering.”
-G. I. Gurdjieff, quoted by P. D. Ouspensky, In Search of the Miraculous (New York, London: Harcourt Brace, 1977 paperback), p: 274.
As I practice being here-now, beyond the personal, I begin to set aside dreams and nightmares of the personal. There is nascent recognition [re-cognition] of oneness. I suffer less, because I grasp less at what Tibetan Buddhists call “shenpa,” the “hook” of knee-jerk personal reaction to arising urges or circumstances.
Each experience, every urge, every shenpa, is a metaphor that invites me to relax my grip on the personal and watch what then happens. I am invited to set aside judgment and objection that is based upon the presumption that there separately exists a ‘me.’
My opening heart discovers stillness. Within stillness, both clarity and simplicity arise. The nameless loveliness of the elusive obvious becomes apparent—beyond description, and without the need for me ‘personally’ to attempt to alter anything.
When I begin to suspect that there is no ‘me,’ I begin also to notice that effectual action, its timing, and its mode of implementation flow from beyond the personal. Perhaps this is what the Apostle Paul meant when he wrote, "I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless, I live; Yet not I, but Christ lives in me." –Galatians 2:20 KJV.
“As long as you take yourself to be a person, a body and a mind, separate from the stream of life, having a will of its own, pursuing its own aims, you are living merely on the surface, and whatever you do will be short-lived and of little value, mere straw to feed the flames of vanity.”
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Beyond Consciousness
Return to T.O.C.
“Awareness contains every experience. But he who is aware is beyond every experience. He is beyond awareness itself.”
– Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Beyond individual consciousness within time and space, awareness already contains the kernel of every experience. Beyond awareness there is Being, based in unconditional love.
One way that Being may manifest is as an undifferentiated ‘I am,’ of which each of our seemingly separated individual ‘I’s is an infinitesimal but important part. Beyond awareness and beyond all of the consciousness and experience arising within awareness, there exists ‘I am,’ or Being, based in all-inclusive unconditional love and compassion. But it is almost better not to offer that description, so inadequate is it.
Awareness is a function subsidiary to ‘I am.’ Awareness is dispassionate and all-encompassing. Awareness does not take sides, because it includes all sides.
Awareness gives rise to fragmented individuated consciousness, that is, to many small ‘I’s. Individuated consciousness arises in tandem with its objects and is wedded to them. There is no conscious without object. (That would be awareness.)
Objects of consciousness exist either here-now, or else as beliefs attempting to focus other than here-now--beliefs in desired or avoided anticipations and memories.
Individuated consciousness may partake in the inclusive dispassion of its source, but most of the time it does not.
Awareness is the medium in which consciousness and its objects arise. All sorts of perturbations may arise within awareness. When allowed and encouraged, the result is a world of appearances, a seamless dualistic illusion of separated consciousnesses and of separated objects of separated consciousnesses.
The illusion of ‘me’ accompanies separated consciousness. Enfolded within the me-illusion are warring opposites and various imperatives for ‘me’ to side consciously with one against another.