TMS seminary Wives October 19, 2016

HOW TO FOSTER commitment IN MARRIAGE?

by George Sanders

INTRODUCTION

#1) SUBMISSION -

Paul in Ephesians 5:22-24 says that wives are to, “ Be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

·  But before Paul instructs women to be subject to their husbands, earlier in the chapter in verse 18 he tells all believers that they are to walk in the Spirit.

·  In many marriages where there is a lack of commitment on the part of the wife you’ll find a strong resistance to the idea of submission. Why?

Women resist it for two reasons:

a)  The 1st Reason – The sinful rebelliousness of the human heart to authority.

b)  The 2nd Reason - People misunderstand what the headship of the husband means and misunderstand what submission of the wife means.

I.  What Submission is NOT

A.  Not putting the husband in the place of Christ

V  Ephesians 5:22 – Be subject to your husband “as to the Lord.”

V  Colossians 1:18 – Christ is to have “first place in everything.”

V  1 John 5:21 – “Little children, guard yourself from idols.”

V  The ultimate goal is not to please the husband but to please the Lord.

B.  Submission does not mean giving up independent thought and becoming intellectually stagnant

V  Genesis 12:13 - Sarah and Abraham

V  Acts 5:8-9 - Sapphira

V  Exodus 1:17 - Midwives disobeyed Pharaoh

V  Colossians 3:16 - “Let the word of Christ dwell richly within you.”

V  Proverbs 31:26 - “Opens her mouth in wisdom.”

V  Proverbs 1:8 - “Forsake not your mother’s teaching.”

C.  Submission doesn’t mean letting gifts lie dormant

V  Proverbs 31 - Gives us the picture of an active wife.

V  Proverbs 14:1 - Speaks of a wise woman actually building her own house!!

D.  Submission doesn’t mean giving up all efforts to influence your husband

V  Ephesians 4:15 & 25

V  Genesis 2:18

E.  Submission doesn’t mean being fearful of your husband

V  Proverbs 29:25 – “The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted.”

V  1 Peter 3:6 - “Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by fear.”

V  Church – Church elders should be willing to intervene and give the wife advice in difficult situations - Church discipline of the husband may be necessary.

V  Government – The government exists for the punishment of evildoers according to Romans 13:1-4.

F. Submission is not based on the husband’s superiority or

worthiness

II.  What is Submission?

Submission in a marriage means that the wife willingly places herself under her husband to fulfill God’s intent for her in the marriage.

A.  Submission should be accompanied by Respect for the husband.

V  Ephesians 5:33 - The “wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

B. Submission should also be accompanied by Love for her husband.

V  We spoke earlier of Titus 2:3-4 – “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.” The Greek word translated here as love is the Greek word phileo>, the word for friendship love.

C. Submission means a Willing choice

V  hupotasso> means to willingly place yourself under someone else’s authority.

D. Submission is a Spiritual Matter

V  Ephesians 5:22 - Submission is to be done “as unto the Lord.”

E. Submission is a Comprehensive matter

V  Ephesians 5:24 - wives are to subject to their husbands “in everything” unless her husband asks her to sin.

Submission is not always fun!

V  1 Peter 2:19-20: “For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it, you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.”

Submission is God’s way of attaining and maintaining function and order in the home

V  1 Corinthians 14:33 & 40 - God is not a God of confusion!

Submission does not mean that the wife shouldn’t try to influence her husband – How should she influence him?

V  1 Peter 3:1-2 - “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

V  Proverbs 31:26 - “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

V  The wife has Spiritual weapons at her disposal to be used as she tries to influence her husband. Scripture directs her to:

(a)  Put on the Armor of God - Ephesians 6:10-18

(b)  Prayer daily and often for your husband

(c)  Associate with other godly couples where the man will encourage her husband

(d)  Practice quietness, purity, respectful behavior

(e)  Overcome evil with good - Romans 12:17-21

(f)  Give a soft answer - Proverbs 15:1 - “A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

(g)  Speak the truth in love - Ephesians 4:15

(h)  Practice Patience - Ecclesiastes 10:4 - “If a ruler's temper rises against you, do not leave your post: calmness can lay great offenses to rest.”

Proverbs 15:18 - “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”

#2) HELPER - She is a HELPER through faithful companionship.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” - Genesis 2:18 - She complements or completes her husband as his companion.

Four Ways to Help Your Husband

1.  Regular, Ongoing Intimacy

2.  Be an Encourager

3.  Practice Hospitality in Your Home

4.  Help Your Husband in His Service to God and His Ministry to God’s People

TMS Seminary Wives Dr. Sanders 10-19-16

APPLICATION QUESTIONS ON COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE

  1. In what ways do you help your husband? In what areas could your activities be termed unhelpful?
  1. Do your communication habits encourage commitment or distance in your relationship with your husband?
  1. If your husband were to reprove you for overspending in your food purchases, how would you respond in word, thought, and action that would foster commitment?
  1. Please share with your group some of your best tips on how you influence your husband for the better while maintaining an attitude of submission. (P.S. Ladies, don’t let your husbands in on these secrets! J)
  1. Your husband has just been approached by a church that is soliciting his application for a pastor position. You have serious misgivings about the church, the location, and the job description. How would you handle this, yet not undermine commitment in your marriage?
  1. A woman that you are counseling has a husband who is overbearing and repressive. How would you counsel her in dealing with this situation as she seeks to build up both her and her husband’s commitment to the marriage?
  1. You have a novel idea for how to earn money from home, yet your husband does not seem to share your enthusiasm for the project. How would you respond biblically and promote commitment to the marriage?
  1. You have just received notice that you will be honored at an upcoming women’s tea for your exemplary communication skills in marriage. What tips would you give to your audience in your acceptance speech that would allow them to emulate your success?