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“WHO DO YOU TELL?”™PROGRAM

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

PARENT INFORMATION PACKAGE

For More Information Contact:

April Welshman
Community Educator
Sexual Assault Response Committee
477-3 ST SE (entry 5th ave)
Medicine Hat, AB T1A 0G8
Phone:(403) 504-8026, Fax: (403) 504-0351
email:

DYNAMICS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Definition of Child Sexual Abuse

According to the Child, Youth and Family Enhancement Act of Alberta, a child, underthe age of 18 years old, is sexually abused if the child is inappropriately exposed or subjectedto sexual contact, activity, or behaviour including prostitution related activities. This definition recognizes that child sexual abuse exists on a continuum. Child sexual abuse can includeshowing a child any type of pornography, using sexual language with a child, engaging insexual touching with a child, and any type of sexual intercourse with a child.

Children are Vulnerable to Sexual Abuse because:

  • Children are dependent on adults/teens, both physically and emotionally
  • Adults/teens are more powerful, physically and psychologically
  • Children often believe in the myth of the dangerous stranger
  • Children may not know what child sexual abuse is, or that it is harmful
  • Children are often taught blind obedience to adult authority, especially to familymembers and other adults in positions of authority
  • Children are isolated from community supports
  • Children are often not believed when they try to disclose abuse
  • Children often believe sexual abuse can not happen to them or that they wouldfight off would be offenders
  • Children may have low self-esteem

Children Find It Difficult To Disclose

Disclosing abuse to an adult can be very traumatic for a child. There are a number ofreasons why a child may find it very difficult to tell about the abuse.

  • Children may not have the vocabulary
  • Children are usually uncomfortable, embarrassed or ashamed to talk about abuse
  • Children may not know who to tell
  • Children may want to protect the offender
  • Children may have been threatened
  • Children may be afraid of not being believed,
  • Children often believe it is their fault
  • Children may be afraid of getting in trouble
  • Children may be afraid of showing disloyalty
  • Children may block out the abuse entirely

Myths and Facts (True or False?):

Witnessing violence in the home has a significant effect on children.

TRUE: Witnessing violence in the home can have a profound effect on children even if they are not being abused themselves. Canadian studies on domestic violence indicate that children who are exposed to violence between their parents are at increased risk of developmental and behavioural problems, and are at greater risk of becoming victims or perpetrators of violence themselves. Exposure to violence can include a wide range of experiences, from visually witnessing the violence or hearing it, to seeing the physical and emotional consequences of the violence. The Child, Youth and Family Enhancement Act (2004) includes exposure to domestic violence as a form of reportable child abuse. It is important to include this information because this is a serious issue and it is the responsibility of all adults in Alberta to respond to children in these situations.

Most children are sexually abused by strangers.

FALSE: 85% of the time the offender is someone that the child knows and trusts, such as a family member, relative, neighbour, or coach.

Children disclosed abuse when they have not been abused

FALSE: Children seldom lie about being abused. Children may not have the knowledge or vocabulary to talk about sexual abuse in detail. They may also minimize abuse for a variety of reasons such as embarrassment, fear, threats, protecting the abuser, or the feeling that it is their fault.

There is little evidence that many children deliberately make false allegations or misinterpret appropriate adult-child contact as sexual abuse. In the few recorded cases in which children appear to have made false allegations, it has usually been the result of manipulation by an adult. False denials of sexual abuse (saying it did not happen when it did) and recanting a disclosure of abuse (denying that it happened after having told someone about being abused) are much more common than false reports.

Most parents would not know if their child had been sexually abused.

TRUE: Symptoms of sexual abuse are often stress related symptoms that could be mistaken as related to developmental stage challenges or other stressors in the child’s life. Often, symptoms of child sexual abuse are not obvious. Remember most of the time the perpetrator is someone in the child’s life, and usually is someone who parents trust. After disclosure of sexual abuse, parents often feel guilty that they did not know about the abuse. Clearly, it is important for parents to learn all they can about this issue, but it is very important to remember the perpetrator is responsible for the abuse and often for manipulating both the child and adults into trusting them.

Few boys are sexually abused.

False: 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 9 boys will experience some sort of sexual abuse before the age of 18(Bradley Report, 1984). In this report, sexual abuse includes speaking to children in sexually inappropriate ways, exposing children to pornographic pictures or videos, sexual touching, and all forms of sexual intercourse. It is important to know that all forms of child sexual abuse can be extremely traumatic for a child. It is also important to note that boys are less likely to recognize and talk about sexual abuse, therefore the incidence of sexual abuse for boys and girls may be quite similar.

Child sexual abuse is often violent, like rape.

FALSE: Although physical violence may be used by perpetrators at times, it is more common for sexual abuse to occure repeatedly, increasing in intrusiveness gradually over time. Usually subtle rather than extreme force is used, such as the child being persuaded that the sexual behaviour is okay, or told not to tell and being emotionally (more common) or physically threatened.

Some of the responsibility for abuse rests with the child.

FALSE: Child abuse is NEVER the child’s fault. Adults are in a position of trust and authority over children. Because abuse is about power and control, it is important to tell children who have been abused that it is not their fault in any way.

Child abuse is more common in certain ethnic groups or low income neighbourhoods.

FALSE: Child abuse happens in all areas of the city and crosses boundaries of socio-economic and educational status, culture, and ethnicity.

Discussing child sexual abuse with children will make them afraid of “good” touches from well-meaning and caring people.

FALSE: Children often know or can sense the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touches from a very early age. Discussing child sexual abuse with children in a calm, sensitive way will not make children fearful or afraid. Several studies have been done in this area over many years.

Most children would tell their parents if they were sexually abused

FALSE: Most often, children do not ell their parents about sexual abuse. Most of the time, if children do tell, they tell a friend or another trusted adult. This is not a negative reflection on the relationship between the child and his or her parents, instead it more often reflects the concerns the child may have about upsetting their parent or messages from the perpetrator. When, as parents, you are not the first person the child tells, it is extremely important to tell the child that you are glad they told someone, that you believe them, and that the abuse was not their fault.

If child abuse is reported to Children’s Services, they will remove the child from the home and put them into foster care

FALSE: The job of Children’s Services is to act in the best interests of the child and to protect that child from abuse and neglect. Children’s Services often works with the family to protect the child, as removing a child from the home is not always necessary or the best way to achieve its mandate to protect children. Usually, only when it becomes clear that parents or guardians are unable to protect a child does Children’s Services remove that child.

How Children Say They Need Help

  • Children may not disclose the abuse directly to an adult. They may have a difficulttime talking about what happened and can be vague in their descriptions.
  • “I don’t like Mr. Smith anymore.”
  • “My dad’s weird.”
  • “I’m not getting along at home anymore.”

Children may think they have told you, but statements like these are easily brushedaside and ignored by adults. Check it out if a child suddenly develops a dislike for a particularperson or is afraid to be left alone with a friend or relative. Ask questions, it may be nothingserious, but it needs clarification.

Open ended questions or statements may allow you to understand what is botheringthe child. For example:

  • “Why don’t you like Mr. Smith anymore?”
  • “If you want to talk about something that is bothering you, I am here.”
  • “What do you mean when you say your dad is weird?”
  • “Do you want to talk to me about why you are not getting along at home

anymore?”

It is important to find a private place where you and the child can talk. (For further information on how to respond to a child’s disclosure see Responding to a ChildDisclosing Sexual Abuse).

Indicators of Child Sexual Abuse

The following may not always be signs of child sexual abuse; many of these indicatorsmay be signs of various stresses in a child’s life. However, clusters of these signs and/orsignificant changes in a child’s behaviour may be indicators of child sexual abuse. Eachchild’s situation should be assessed individually.

Clusters of any of the following indicators warrant documentation and consultation with Child Protection Services. Child Protection Services will document anyconcerns called in.

  • Signs of physical injury to genitals and/or diagnosis of venereal disease
  • Signs of physical illness, stomach aches, sore throats, yeast infections, reoccurringurinary tract infections without apparent medical cause
  • Difficulty walking, sitting, or going to the washroom
  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Depression
  • Excessive worrying
  • Change in the level of scholastic achievement (decrease and sometimes increase)
  • Fear of specific adults or being alone with an adult
  • Sudden fear of the dark
  • Fear of being alone
  • Regression in patterns of behaviours or skills: thumb sucking, baby talking, wettingor soiling self
  • Feces smearing
  • Change in school relationships
  • Easily distracted, has problems concentrating
  • Overt sexual acting-out towards adults
  • Attempting sexual behaviour with other children, especially younger children, in an angry, aggressive, controlling way
  • Changes in behaviour patterns, unusually passive or hostile
  • Shrinking away from physical contact
  • Constant hand washing; child fears being dirty
  • Compulsive lying and/or stealing
  • Combination of violence or sexuality in art work, written school work, language andand play. Genital areas may be exaggerated or diminished- proportions may beskewed
  • Marked increase in receiving or giving of presents or money
  • Fire starting
  • Sexual attention and/or cruelty to animals
  • Self-destructive behaviour such as drug/alcohol abuse, running away or self-mutilationsuch as cutting, burning, tattooing
  • Truancy
  • Promiscuity/prostitution
  • Eating disorders such as anorexia, obesity, sudden weight gain and sudden weightloss
  • Pregnancy
  • Suicide attempts
  • Limited social life, withdrawal from peers

REPORTING RESPONSIBILITIES

  • The individual receiving a disclosure has the primary responsibility to report child sexualabuse to Children’s Services, according to the Child, Youth and Family EnhancementAct of Alberta.
  • You do not need to prove that abuse has occurred; your only responsibility is to reportany observations or suspicion of abuse. Remember Child Protection Services screeningpersonnel can be consulted for guidance in questionable situations. Consultations arenot considered a report and are confidential.

The Child, Youth and Family Enhancement Act of Alberta states:

Any person who has reasonable and probable grounds to believe that a child is in need of protective services shall forthwith report the matter to a director.

A child is deemed to be in need of protective services if:

The child has been or there is substantial risk that the child will be physically injured

or sexually abused by the guardian of the child

or

The guardian of the child is unable or unwilling to protect the child fromphysical injury or sexual abuse

If You Suspect a Child is Being Sexually Abused

  • Monitor the child’s behaviour
  • Document each concerning incident.
  • Build rapport with the child. Provide a warm, trusting atmosphere. You might say,“You seem a little upset, is there anything that you want to talk about?” or, “I amalways here for you to talk to and I will believe what you say.”
  • Call Child Protection Services, forconsultation, or your local sexual assault service (See Resources Page).

Responding to a Child Disclosing Sexual Abuse

  • Do your best to appear calm. Children may feel confused and responsible forsexual abuse.
  • Listen; let the child tell you in their own words.
  • Reassure the child he/she has done the right thing by telling you.
  • Tell the child you believe what they’ve told you.
  • Tell the child the abuse is not their fault.
  • You do not need a detailed disclosure to make a report. You need to get enoughinformation to establish a reasonable belief the abuse has occurred, who theoffender is, and how much access the offender has to the child.
  • Thank the child for telling you, and tell them that you will do your best to help.It’s best not to make promises.
  • Do not call the parents before consulting with Children’s Services or the Police.
  • Get support for yourself. You will probably experience strong emotional reactionswhen a child tells you about sexual abuse. Acknowledge your own feelings. It isnormal to feel overwhelmed. It may be difficult to hear what the child has to say.

Resources for Reporting Child Sexual Abuse

Child Protection and Intervention Services

Telephone:529-3607

Why call:To report or consult about a child you suspect is being abused. Services:Investigation of complaints involving children (under 18) such asphysical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional neglect. Social Workersoften work as a team with the Police (Child Abuse Unit) to investigateand assess complaints. Treatment for the child and significantothers may be facilitated by this service.

Family Crime Unit Medicine Hat Police Services

Telephone:529-8424

Why call:To report or consult about a child you suspect is being abused. Services:Criminal investigation of complaints of physical/sexual abuse against or involving children. Questioning and possible laying of charges against intra/extra familial offender.

Canadian Mental Health Association

Telephone:504-1811 (Sexual Assault Education)

Why call: To find out more information about sexual assault/abuse educational programs for elementary, junior and senior high schools. For information, support and referral of victims of sexual assault/abuse and family members.

Services: Education and Outreach

Sexual Assault Response Committee

Telephone:504-8026 (SARC Regional Coordinator)

Why call: For information, support, referrals and advocacy for victims and family members.

Services: Coordination of services for victims, family members, and community