Verbal Communication

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MC109/COMM100: VERBAL COMMUNICATION

SULAY JALLOH

VERBAL COMMUNICATION

In communication, we use two major signal systems; the verbal and the nonverbal. This chapter focuses on the verbal system: language as a system for communicating meaning and, specifically, how it can be used effectively and how it creates problems when it isn’t. In actual practice, however, you communicate—in both sending and receiving—with both systems simultaneously.

THE NATURE OF LANGUAGE AND MEANING

a) Language Meanings are in people.

A) Language is denotative. In other words, their meanings are objective and generally easily agreed upon. E.g: If you wanted to know the definition of the word "love," you’d probably turn to a dictionary. This is the denotative meaning.

B) Language is connotative. In other words, Their meanings are subjective and generally highly individual in meaning. E.g: If you wanted to know what Zack means when he says "I’m in love?" Of course, you’d turn to Zack to discover his meaning. This is the connotative meaning.

NOTE:

To uncover meaning, you need to look into people and not merely into words especially in INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION . Also recognize that as you change, you also change the meanings you created out of past messages.

Failure to recognize meaning in people:

Bypassing is a pattern of misevaluation in which people (sender and receiver) fail to communicate their intended meanings.

Bypassing can take one of two forms:

1)Bypassing occurs when two people use different words but give them the same meaning; on the surface there’s disagreement but at the level of meaning there’s agreement. E.g:

PAT: / I want a permanent relationship. I’m not interested in one-night stands. [Meaning: I want to date you exclusively and I want you to date me exclusively].
CHIS: / I’m not ready for that. [Thinking and meaning: marriage]. Let’s keep things the way they are. [Meaning: let’s continue dating only each other.]

2)Bypassing occurs when two people use the same words but give the words different meanings. On the surface it looks like the two people agree (using the same words). But the apparent agreement masks real disagreement. E.g: Couples who say they’re "in love"

B) Meanings Depend on Context

Verbal and nonverbal communications exist in a context (all the four types of context), and that context to a large extent determines the meaning of any verbal or nonverbal behavior. E.g: The greeting, "How are you?"

C) Messages Are Governed by Rules

Both verbal and nonverbal messages are regulated by a system of rules or norms that state what is and what is not meaningful, appropriate, expected, and permissible in specific social situations.

These rules will vary greatly from one culture to another. E.g: you learned how to express sympathy along with the rules that your culture has established for expressing it

D) Language Varies in Directness

Indirect messages are those that communicate your meaning in a roundabout way. You don’t really say what you mean, but you imply it. Indirect messages have both advantages and disadvantages.

The popular stereotype holds that women are indirect in making requests and in giving orders. This indirectness is thought to communicate their powerlessness and discomfort with their own authority. Men, the stereotype continues, are direct, sometimes to the point of being blunt or rude.

DISCONFIRMATION AND CONFIRMATION

Definition:

a)DISCONFIRMATION is a communication pattern in which you ignore someone’s presence as well as that person’s communications. E.g: you claim that what this person says or does simply does not count.

b)CONFIRMATION is the opposite communication pattern. In other words, you not only acknowledge the presence of the other person, but you also indicate your acceptance of this person.

E.g: Talking with the grief person: "You must miss him a great deal" confirms the person’s feelings. "You can’t cry now; you have to set an example". Disconfirming expressions

You can gain insight into a wide variety of offensive language practices by viewing them as types of disconfirmation, as language that alienates and separates. The three obvious practices are:

a)Sexism (policeman, mankind etc),

b)Heterosexism (language used to discredit gay men and lesbians), E.g: "lesbian doctor" “lesbians are so loyal or gay men are so open with their feelings”

c)Racism. “any language that, through a conscious or unconscious attempt by the user, places a particular racial or ethnic group in an inferior position is racist”

USING VERBAL MESSAGES EFFECTIVELY

a) Language Symbolizes Reality (Partially)

Language symbolizes reality; it’s not the reality itself. Have you ever bought something because of its name rather than because of the actual object? If so, you were probably responding as if language was the reality.

b) Language Expresses Both Facts and Inferences

Language enables you to form statements of both facts and inferences without making any linguistic distinction between the two. Similarly, when we speak or listen to such statements. Yet, there are great differences between the two. E.g: that you can say, "She’s wearing a blue jacket," as well as "He’s harboring an illogical hatred." Although the sentences have similar structures, they’re different. You can observe the jacket and the blue color, but how do you observe "illogical hatred"?

To avoid fact-inference confusion, label inferential statements as tentative. Inferential statements should leave open the possibility of alternatives. E.g: "Our biology teacher was fired for poor teaching"

c) Language Is Relatively Static

Language changes only very slowly, especially when compared to the rapid change in people and things. In other words, because reality changes so rapidly, you need to constantly revise the way you talk about people and things. E.g: That’s the way he is; he’s always been that way.

d) Language usage has ethical dimension

Two obvious types of messages suggest attention: lying and gossip.

Lying

lying occurs when one person intends to mislead another, doing so deliberately, without prior notification of this purpose, and without having been explicitly asked to do so by the target. Similarly, although most lies are verbal, some are nonverbal and most seem to involve at least some nonverbal elements. E.g: The innocent facial expression,

Most lies are told to benefit the liar, generally (1) to gain some reward. E.g: to increase desirable relationships, to protect one’s self-esteem, or to obtain money. (2) to avoid some punishment. In an analysis of 322 lies, researchers found that 75.8 percent benefited the liar, 21.7 percent benefited the person who was told the lie, and 2.5 percent benefited some third party.

SELF-TEST

[When] Is Lying Unethical?
Each of the situations below presents an occasion for a lie. Rate each in terms of its ethicality, using this scale: 1 = definitely ethical; 2 = probably ethical; 3 = not sure, need to think more about this one; 4 = probably unethical; 5 = definitely unethical.
_____ / to lie to a child to protect a fantasy belief, for example, to protect the child’s belief in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy
_____ / to lie to achieve some greater good, for example, to lie to someone to prevent her or him from committing suicide or from getting depressed, or to lie to prevent a burglary or theft
_____ / to lie in an employment interview in answer to a question that is overly personal (and irrelevant) or illegal
_____ / to lie to protect the reputation of your family, some specific family member, or some third party
_____ / to lie to make another person feel good, for example, to tell someone that he or she looks great or has a great sense of humor
_____ / to lie to enable the other person to save face, for example, to voice agreement with an idea you find foolish, to say you enjoyed meeting the person when you didn’t, or to compliment the other person when it’s totally undeserved
_____ / to lie to get what you deserve but can’t get any other way, for example, a well-earned promotion or raise or another chance with your relationship partner
_____ / to lie to get out of jury duty or to the internal revenue service so as to pay less taxes in April
_____ / to lie to keep hidden information about yourself that you simply don’t want to reveal to anyone, for example, your religious beliefs, affectional orientation, or financial situation
_____ / to lie to your relationship partner to avoid a fight
_____ / to lie to get elected to some office; after all, you reason, everyone else does it and if I don’t I’ll never get elected
_____ / to lie to get yourself out of an unpleasant situation, for example, to get out of a date, an extra office chore, or a boring conversation

Gossip

Gossip refers to third-party talk about another person; the word "now embraces both the talker and the talk, the tattler and the tattle, the newsmonger and the newsmongering"

Gossip is an inevitable part of daily interactions. Not gossiping would eliminate one of the most frequent and enjoyable forms of communication. In some instances, however, gossip is unethical:

1)It’s unethical to reveal information that you’ve promised to keep secret. When it’s impossible to keep something secret (Bok offers the example of the teenager who confides a suicide plan), the information should be revealed only to those who must know it, not to the world at large.

2)Gossip is unethical when it invades the privacy that everyone has a right to.

3)Gossip is unethical when it’s known to be false and is nevertheless passed on to others.