Introduction

Think back over the past week of your life. Has anyone asked you a question that youdidn’t want to answer? What about the language you used when you communicated via mediated communication vs. face-to-face communication? What would someone notice differences in your nonverbal communication with friends compared to co-workers? Over the past few weeks, I have been tracking my interactions with my mother, a close friend (Sammy), and one of my co-workers (Charles). I have noticed that there are distinct differences in the way I communicate with each of these individuals in my life and will discuss some common issues I noticed. In this presentation, we will discuss topic avoidance, the influence of mediated communication, nonverbal communication, and finally I will speculate on the influence of each of these aspects on my relationships.

Body

<Transition>As I looked at my encounter logs, one of the first things I noticed in each of the relationships I tracked was that there were certain topics that I tried hard to avoid. There were just things that I did not want to talk about.

  1. Self-disclosure has long been a topic of interest for scholars and is directly related to topic avoidance. The concept of topic avoidance first came to light in a conference presentation by Afifi (1993). According to Afifi & Burgoon (1998), topic avoidance can be defined as the purposeful evasion of communication about a certain issue with a partner.Some other research has chosen to define topic avoidance even more specifically as “a goal-oriented communicative behavior whereby individuals strategically try to keep a conversation from certain foci,” (Dailey & Palomares, 2004).
  2. I found that during conversations with my mother, I actively avoided conversations about my health. In two conversations, I provided evasive answers and changed the subject quickly to something else. During conversations with my friend, Sammy, I noticed that I avoided negative topics. Each discussion was light-hearted, rather than being serious.
  3. Individuals avoid topics for a variety of reasons. Afifi & Guerrero (1995) have identified four general reasons that individuals engage in topic avoidance. The author’s study focused looked at topic avoidance in friendships, but these reasons can be applied across other types of relationships as well.
  4. We may avoid topics for self protection, which allows us to avoid criticism or vulnerability.This reason seems particularly well connected to my topic avoidance with my mother. I did not want her to criticize the decisions I had made about my health care, so I did not bring them up. I also noticed this in my conversations with Sammy. During one phone conversation, she brought up a recent conflict we had with another friend. Sammy was still not happy with our other friend, but I have already made up with this person. I avoided the topic because I did not want her to criticize me for deciding to move on from the conflict right away and hang out with our friend.
  5. Individuals may also avoid for relationship protection, which allows us to avoid conflict or relational dissolution.I can see this as being a reason for my avoiding negative topics with my friend Sammy. Based on past interactions, I know that unhappy discussions cause us to have conflict. I do not want us to fight, so it is easier to simply avoid those topics entirely.
  6. Partner unresponsiveness may also cause us to avoid by allowing us to a situation in which a partner will be unable or unwilling to provide support for us. When we know that a person cannot deal with certain information, we may avoid even brining up the topic. This is another reason I can see for my topic avoidance with my mother. As a parent, it is hard to deal with a child having an illness when you cannot make it better. In this way, it seems like my topic avoidance in this area benefits not only me, but also my mom. I may be attempting to reduce her potential stress over the situation. I also noticed that I avoided the topic of my health with Sammy. History with her has taught me that she is uncomfortable with talking about health. So I knew going into our interactions that she would be unable to support me.
  7. And finally, in situations where we feel that disclosure would not be socially acceptable, we may avoid due to social inappropriateness. For example, there are certain things that society may dictate that we “just don’t speak about.” This definitely relates to my interactions with my friend Sammy as well. While we are close friends, I definitely felt like there were things that we were not supposed to talk about during our conversations.
  8. Research has also considered topics that are commonly avoided.
  9. Baxter and Wilmot (1985) found that individuals tend to avoid discussing relationship’s status, extra-relationship activities, relationship norms, prior relationships, conflict-inducing topics, and negative information.
  10. In a 1995 study, Guerrero and Afifi examined topic avoidance in family relationships.
  11. The participants were 169 high school and university students from a large southwestern university.
  12. Respondents were asked to complete questionnaires asking them about topics they avoided in their relationships with their mother, father, sister, and brother.
  13. Several interesting results came from this study.
  14. Adolescents avoid discussing negative life experiences and dating experiences with parents than siblings and more with males.They also avoided discussing sexual matters with opposite sex family members.
  15. Female dyads (daughter/mother, sisters) practiced the least topic avoidance on topics involving relationships or friendships. I also found this to be true in my discussions with my mother. During each conversation, I talked to her about the other relationships in my life.
  16. Males avoided discussing relationship issues, negative life experiences, dating, and friendships more than females.