The Self-Forgetfulness of Wisdom

The Self-Forgetfulness of Wisdom

Proverbs 31:10-31

As we get started, I invite all of you to open your Bibles to Prov. 31. And I’d also like to turn your attention to your bulletins, where you will find an outline of the sermon. You might find it helpful to follow along this morning.

Typically, when I see books about Proverbs 31 or Bible studies focused on Proverbs 31, they can be found usually in the women’s section at Christian bookstores. They are most often written by women, addressed to women.

Why do I bring this up? Well, it just so happens that this passage was originally addressed to men.[1] Young, single men, to be precise. Look back to Prov. 31:1. I believe this verse is a heading for the whole chapter.[2] It says, The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him. Verses 2-9 are obviously the words of a mother addressing her son, Lemuel. Verse 10 begins a new section, but I believe we’re still looking at Lemuel’s mother’s instruction of her son, probably before he became king.[3]

No one knows who Lemuel actually was, historically. If you study Kings and Chronicles in Scripture, and see all of the kings of Israel and Judah, you won’t find the name Lemuel. Either this man was a Gentile king of a territory around Israel who worshiped Yahweh,[4] the God of Israel, or Lemuel is a nickname of some kind for one of Israel’s kings.[5] Either way, what we have here is two separate lessons his mother taught him in his youth. After he became King Lemuel, he preserved her lessons and passed them on, and eventually these lessons were collected along with King Solomon’s collection of wisdom.

So, our passage should be understood, like so much of the book of Proverbs, as an instruction from a parent to a young son. Some have referred to the book of Proverbs as a “manual for boys.”[6] The book seeks to prepare young men to live wisely in every area of their lives. With that in mind, this concluding lesson of the book should also be recognized as directed at a young man. Lemuel’s mother wanted to instruct him on the kind of wife he ought to seek out. That’s the primary intention of this passage. But, of course, the passage has massive implications for women.

And, since this passage concludes the whole book of Proverbs, I believe we must recognize a second level of meaning. In the early chapters of Proverbs, we were introduced to a personification of wisdom: Lady Wisdom. She appears in chapters 1, 3, and 4, and especially in chapters 8-9. I think God has seen fit to include this final passage as the conclusion to help us see an embodiment of Lady Wisdom: Lady Wisdom in the flesh.[7] In fact, there are several specific connections between the woman described in this passage and the depictions of Lady Wisdom earlier in Proverbs. We can chart them:

There is one primary aspect of God’s Wisdom that this passage helps us see clearly: self-forgetfulness. God’s Wisdom enables a person, male or female, to live focused on others and not on self.[8] So, we’re going to look at this passage at both levels. We’re going to see the instruction for young single men and what kind of woman they ought to pursue; we’re going to see the implications for young single women and how they ought to grow; we’re going to see the implications for married couples and how they ought to live together; and, we’re also going to see how this passage applies to all of God’s people as a picture of God’s Wisdom embodied most plainly in Jesus Christ.[9]

Before we head down that path, I want to say a word to the ladies up front. Some of you may have read this passage in the past and felt oppressed by its message. Even worse, some of you men may be guilty of using this passage as a bludgeon, holding it over your wife’s head as a standard you expect her to meet. If that’s true of any of you men, I have been praying that God will grant you repentance, so that you never use the Scriptures in that way again. And, ladies, let me mention three things that you must remember about this passage, so that you don’t set yourself under it as a yoke you were never meant to bear.[10]

First, this passage is a praise song. It is a poem, not a checklist. Too many books I’ve seen use this passage as though it were a checklist of skills every woman must master in order to be a successful, godly wife. That is a gross misunderstanding and mishandling of this passage. It is a praise song. If I were to write a poem about my wife, of course I wouldn’t mention any of her flaws.[11] Of course I wouldn’t describe any of her weaknesses. Would she be flattered or impressed if I did? Remember, this is a mother painting an artistic picture[12] of the kind of wife she wants her son to marry.

Second, this passage is describing a wealthy, upper-class, middle-aged wife in the ancient near east. It is only focused on a precise set of circumstances, and it is not considering other stages of life. The same woman would be described quite differently, I’m convinced, if she were being considered right after being newly married,[13] or while pregnant, or when her kids were babies, or when she was old. This passage is not describing a poor woman, of low social standing. That is really important for you ladies to remember. Most of you aren’t wealthy, by our culture’s standards. Most of you probably don’t fit into the upper echelon of society. And there are women in this building from every stage of life. This passage is focused on one stage of life, a certain kind of woman with certain resources. We’re going to look carefully at how to apply this passage generally and correctly, regardless of your circumstances.

Third, the qualities described are for everyone, male or female, rich or poor, old or young. All of them are lauded or commanded for all of God’s people in other passages in Proverbs and throughout Scripture.

Let me make one more introductory statement to the ladies who have a history with this passage. The homemaker wife is not more biblical than the career woman. It is not more biblical or more godly for a woman to stay home and not pursue a career than for a woman who chooses to pursue a career outside the home. The praise in this poem for this wife involves her working outside of the home. So, let’s be sure to check our attitudes towards other women; let none of us look down on a woman who chooses to work outside the home, and let none of us look down on a woman who chooses to stay at home. Neither is more godly. God’s design for both women and men is that they work and that they work bringing glory to him; this passage is mostly about the heart attitude of the wife characterized by God’s Wisdom.

So, after too long an introduction, let’s get into the passage. First, let me make a few comments about the structure. I mentioned already that this is a poem, a song. It is incredibly artistic, and it is made up of two major poetic features that help us understand the meaning. First, the poem is an acrostic in Hebrew. That is, the first word of verse 10 begins with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Then, the first word of verse 11 begins with the second letter of the Hebrew alphabet. And so on all the way through the 22nd and final letter of the Hebrew alphabet. This is very difficult to bring into English, and no major English translations attempt it. However, I gave it a shot, and what you have in your bulletins is my attempt to paraphrase the poem, bringing out the acrostic in English letters, A-V. That’s not in any way a literal translation, but I think it communicates the meaning of each verse sufficiently well. The point of making the poem an acrostic communicates a certain comprehensiveness to the characterization of this wife and her wisdom.

Second, the poem has been crafted as a chiasm.[14] That is, the poem has been shaped with a mid-point in mind. Everything before the mid-point moves toward it, and everything after the mid-point moves away from it, and each section before the mid-point has a parallel section after the mid-point. Does everybody follow that? It creates a V-shape to the poem that identifies the main idea of the poem in the middle. Many students of Scripture have recognized this, but different folks draw out the parallels in different ways.[15] You can see in your sermon notes the way I understand the shape of the poem.

A. High value of a wife of strength (v. 10)

B. Her husband benefited by wife (vv. 11-12)

C. Her industrious work [elaborated] (vv. 13-19)

D. She shares resources (v. 20)

E. She is fearless (v. 21)

F. She makes the best clothing (v. 22)

G. Her husband’s public reputation (v. 23)

F.’ She sells the best clothing (v. 24)

E.’ She is fearless (v. 25)

D.’ She shares truth (v. 26)

C.’ Her industrious work [summarized] (v. 27)

B.’ Her husband and children praise wife (vv. 28-29)

A.’ High value of a wife of strength (vv. 30-31)

With this in mind, surprisingly, the mid-point is verse 23...which is all about the husband![16] So, this sermon will be quite different from other sermons, in that I’d like to take the parallel sections of the chiasm together. So, we’ll begin by looking at verses 10-12 and 28-31 together, and we’ll proceed toward the middle.

Verses 10-12 serve as an introduction, and verses 28-31 serve as a conclusion. The focus of these sections is the value of a strong wife. Look at verses 10-12: An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Here’s the point of these introductory verses: Wisdom’s value is found in adding value to others. The word translated by the ESV as “excellent” is translated by lots of different English words in different English translations: “noble,”[17] “capable,”[18] “virtuous,”[19] “worthy,”[20] “good.”[21] The word has the basic meaning of “strength,”[22] and it is most often applied to men in military contexts, but it also sometimes refers to someone having great skill,[23] and at least once it refers to someone being spiritually mature.[24] The only historical woman in Scripture who is described by this phrase is Ruth,[25] who, interestingly enough, when she was called this by Boaz, was not wealthy, had no children, was not married, and was, in fact, a destitute widow. Yet, Boaz and all the townsfolk recognized the qualities of God’s Wisdom in Ruth. She was a woman of strength.

Her value is described as “more precious than jewels.” This is also the way Solomon described Lady Wisdom in Prov. 3:15: She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Notice that verse 11 says that “her husband trusts in her.” The phrase “trusts in” is used around 70 times in the Old Testament. More than half of those refer to trusting in Yahweh, trusting in God. In all of those other passages, this is the only verse in all of the Old Testament where an author commends trusting in anyone or anything other than God. How highly exalted the wife is in this verse! The word “trusts” means more specifically finding security, feeling safe. One of the most famous verses in Proverbs uses this phrase, Prov. 3:5-6: Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Trust in Yahweh. But here the husband should trust in his strong wife, “make himself totally vulnerable to her,” and find that he is safe and secure in her care.[26]