The Plane Ride:
Day One of a Life Changing Adventure
My ambition was to see the world on someone else’s dime, but not by means of joining the Army. I had just graduated from a technical school and got a job working for an international company. When I started work, I realized that I really did not know what I seemed to need to know. After about two weeks of intense training I was sent into the field to work on equipment and satisfy customers’ needs. I found that these were the two things I had not learned in school and had not been trained for in that intense training session. I was supposed to be good at this job, but there was a strange feeling of incompetence lurking in the back of my mind. If I wasn’t ready for the US customers, how would I ever be ready for the European customers?
On one of my first service calls, my manager decided to help me out. When we got to the customer’s location, we were led to the machine in question. I opened up the broken machine and proceeded to look at it like it was a brain and I was an auto mechanic. My manager, in a helpful tone, asked where “we” should first start. Of course this was the easy question. I pushed the power on button and to my surprise, nothing seemed to happen. After a couple of seconds and an increasing smell of burnt plastic, I decided to turn the machine off. My manager’s next question was even less helpful. At this point, I realized how much more resourceful I was working without an audience.
After about six months of talking to technical support, self teaching and many bottles of beer after work with customers and coworkers, I was very comfortable with our machines and customers. I had made friends and changed some opinions. Those who thought I was incompetent now thought I was incompetent yet resourceful. I had also earned the respect of a night manager at one of my customer sites who was influential on my big life-turning event. I sure wish I could remember his name.
Being low man on the totem pole I was assigned the 10PM to 10AM shift for a very sensitive job. I was a little worried because I was still feeding off our technical support team and they only worked nine to five. My after-hours job was to keep a super duper highly expensive piece of machinery running. However, I had no training nor was I going to get any technical support. After three long months working on my own, I became an expert. I learned that this super-duper highly expensive piece of equipment must have been designed by the janitor rather than an engineer. It was a very clean machine but it made no engineering sense. If it weren’t for the fact that something on it was breaking down every hour, I might not have been an expert and I would not be recounting this life-changing event. I sure wish I could remember that manager’s name.
My life-changing event started at 35,000 feet heading west over the Pacific Ocean. I distinctly remember commenting on how nice Europe was and how I could be important to our German customers and could learn a lot by attending The Great Castles and Beers Tour of Europe. My manager agreed and put me on a plane heading west. My geography may not be strong but I remember Europe being east. I guess my manager’s geography wasn’t especially good either. Sure, everything is west if you go far enough. For those geographically challenged, that means I was heading for Asia, Japan to be precise. At least this company paid better than the Army.
I had flown from San Francisco to Boston before. I had learned how to occupy six hours on a plane by planning tasks. I could read for a couple of hours, do some work on the laptop and play a couple of games on my hand held. I figured if I just extended each task an hour or two, we would be landing in Japan, not Germany, before I was done with everything. I had learned from the travel agent that I would be getting two meals also. If I did it right, this could account for two more hours. Any extra time, which it didn’t look like there would be, would be scheduled into the sleeping task.
One of my talents is being able to sleep on airplanes. This task was scheduled after the final reading task. I had everything planned out. I would read for the first hour. The next hour was eating and watching an hour and a half movie. After that, I would spend two hours on the computer doing my reports and work documents. After that would be two hours of reviewing the manual for the machine I would be working on. I had worked on this type of machine many times but I wasn’t interested in impressing my new customers with my ability to create smoke. Next was another hour of reading then I would finish the rest of the flight with a good five hour nap. Working for this company I had learned that a well laid out plan and resourcefulness were your best bets for survival. I had my plan for the flight and that was all I needed.
We took off from SFO at 5:50PM Friday evening. Everything was going according to plan with one bonus: alcohol is free on international flights. First, I read for a whole hour. During this time, I had two beers. I found it amazing how thin the air is on international airliners. I found myself re-reading a couple of pages. Soon dinner came and the air thickened up a bit. I was finally getting over the light headedness. Dinner lasted about a half an hour. I had hoped to extend it a full hour but had realized that I’ve never had a full hour of dinner time at home. I guess this was an overestimate of time. As luck would have it, the five consumed beers were ready to come out. I was now fortunate enough to stand in line at the back of the plane, which was the smoking section at the time, for 20 minutes with the rest of the people who had drunk as much as I or who just had small bladders. Everyone ahead of me in line was Asian. The tallest man there was about five foot six. I wondered to myself, “small people, small bladders?” On my way back to my seat all I could think was, “large person, small bathroom.” By the time I returned to my seat I was ten minutes behind schedule. This was perfect. If I could over schedule all my tasks, I would be landing in no time.
The movie started a couple of minutes before I sat down. My tasks were planned and being executed perfectly. I would be off this plane before I knew it! The movie turned out to be a chick flick. Since watching the movie was a task in the plan, I was going to watch the movie. The nice flight attendants came by bringing after dinner coffee, tea or liquor. Since I wasn’t driving, I got a drink and a beer chaser. The air was getting thin again. I guess airlines cut back on air during time of relaxation to ease people into a long trip. It was a good idea. I would sit back and relax with the rest of the movie after I used the bathroom again, which was through the smoking section.
Smoking section might be too gentle a description. Everyone’s been in restaurants with a smoking section. If you sit next to a smoker, you can get up and move. In a restaurant, you sometimes can move further from the smoking section or even find a new restaurant. On a plane, the plane becomes the smoking section. As you walk towards the back of the plane, the smoke thickens like fog coming in off the ocean. There’s no avoiding it. You can’t even roll down a window to let some fresh air in. Just when you think the smoke can’t get any thicker, a smoker will disagree and light up one more.
So again I found myself standing in line, in the smoking section, waiting to use the bathroom. The only way to really avoid the full onslaught of smoke is to avoid using the bathrooms. This was a task that needed to be implemented into my plan. As soon as I got back to my seat, I would avoid the bathrooms. I wonder what the name of that manager is.
The movie was OK and I managed to sit through the whole thing. Again, I was on schedule. My plan was working just fine. As soon as I got done using the bathroom, I would pull out the laptop and do some work. I had forgotten about my bathroom avoidance plan about the same time the flight attendant came by with water. I got beer instead, twice. Now I really had to use the bathroom. As I stood in line, in the smoking section, to use the bathroom, I noticed it was called a laboratory. I had to read the name twice because I was more lightheaded now than before. They sure knew how to cut back the air. I also noticed that the turbulence made it a little more difficult to walk to the laboratory. I also noticed that the lines seem to take longer, even with fewer people.
I finally made it back to my seat. I bent over to open up my bag and realized that it wasn’t humanly possible to bend far enough to get to the floor in the cramped space of the airplane seat. If I could bend forward and put my head and shoulders between my legs, as was required to reach my bag, I was in the wrong profession. Since I had the whole row to myself, I would just transfer my stuff to the middle or even the far seat space. So I proceeded to move the four empty beer cans from the middle tray table and kicked my personal belongings over. Now I could easily get my computer. I got it out and turned it on. While it was booting up, I would take the opportunity to dispose of the cans and use the bathroom. I carefully made my way to the galley where the flight attendants were chatting. When I handed them the four cans, they smiled and nodded in approval. It must have been because I was doing their work. I used the bathroom, oops, laboratory and found my way back to my seat. The turbulence was lighter now. I opened my cold beer, which the flight attendants gave me in exchange for the empties, and I proceeded to do my work. What the hell is the name of that manager? I wonder if he smokes.
My mind was a little fuzzy. I looked at my watch and we were pushing 10PM. I thought since it was late, and I had had a long day, it was obvious why my mind was fuzzy. I would just have to concentrate more. After about 15 minutes of work, I decided to play solitaire to help me concentrate. I played a couple of games and decided I was ready for work again. I got up to use the bathroom and noticed that there weren’t any lines. I picked a perfect time. I had to make a mental note of this time and try to pick times when the lines were the shortest. I got back to my seat and started work. To help concentrate, I decided to listen to music. Again, I did the bending over routine and this time found it even harder to bend over because things started to spin. This wasn’t good. Apparently, I lost count of my drinking. I pulled out my CD player and set it on the chair. I took my empty beer can and exchanged it for a cup of coffee. I had to do 3 hours of work as per my plan. I started on my cup of coffee and dove into work.
After a while, I found it easier to work. I did some e-mail and wrote up my plan of attack on the broken machine and almost finished my reports. I was on schedule when I heard the beeping of my laptop just into hour number two. CRAP! I quickly saved everything before it did its auto shutdown. Sometimes it shut down before I got everything saved, but I was lucky this time. I realized that I had planned three hours for my laptop tasks, forgetting that I had a two hour battery. This was only an hour oversight on my part and I would amend my laptop plans with an hour of music listening. This would keep me on schedule. On my way to the bathroom, I noticed that the smoke had decreased considerably and it was almost breathable air. I finished up at the bathroom, exchanged my empty cup of coffee for a full one and headed to my seat. The second movie was about to start so I could postpone my one hour of listening until another time.
I sure felt tired after the second movie. Perfect! I thought. Sleep was supposed to end my plans and I still had the task of reviewing my machine manual. But who was I to argue that my body wanted to finish this day, this flight, and sleep to the end. So be it, I would sleep until landing. I rustled up my three pillows and three blankets. I had noticed how other people were sleeping in the rows so I was ready with a sleeping position. I got up one last time to use the bathroom and dispense with three empty coffee cups. I returned to my seat, pulled up the arm rests, set my pillows against the cabin wall, draped one blanket across the seat and proceeded to stretch out across the three seat section. As I was lying there I pondered how uncomfortable this really was. Everyone else was on their side stretched out, but it seemed that these were the same small people I had encountered in the bathroom line. When they stretched out across the three seats, they still had room for the rest of the family. When I stretched out I found myself hitting my head on the wall and kicking the guy across the aisle (who turned out to be a sound sleeper). “Big person, small seats,” I thought.
This was going to be more difficult than expected. I sat up in my chair and reclined like I would on a normal flight. This was comfortable enough but I really wanted to sleep prone. I got up one more time to use the bathroom and to scope out other sleeping positions. On the way back, the flight attendant offered me water. I almost said no, because I didn’t want to get up and use the bathroom after I found a comfortable position. I said yes because I was feeling a little dehydrated. Interesting, I was dehydrated and I hadn’t exercised. Anyway, I returned to my seat eager to try a couple of the sleeping positions I had spied. I finally found one that was comfortable enough to maintain for more than ten minutes. I had adjusted my body so that the seatbelt was jabbing me in the side were it was soft and less on my hip where it was boney. I found that bone on hard surfaces increased body re-positioning. It was now time to sleep, the one task I knew I could do well.
As I laid there awake for the remainder of the five hours flight I was able to run through my whole life. I fixed all the problems I had in my childhood and somehow developed new ones for my adulthood. I also contemplated my existence and tried to figure out why I had volunteered to spend 12 hours on an airplane. That customer manager who I can’t remember the name of is not getting a Christmas card this year! In fact, he’s getting bad service next time.