The importance of similarities and differences for the provision of
support in the adult sibling dyad
Marieke Voorpostel
Tanja van der Lippe
Pearl Dykstra
Henk Flap
[Paper presented at the International Association for Relationship Research Conference, July 22-25]
Abstract
In this study we examined the importance of similarities and differences in the sibling dyad for the provision of emotional and instrumental support. Are siblings attracted to each other because of similarities between them, or do they exchange because of differences? Using data from the Netherlands Kinship Panel Study (2004) ordinal regression models are estimated. From the results we can conclude that there is only limited support for the relevance of similarities for emotional support. Needs of the sibling receiving help and resources of the sibling providing help is relevant for emotional as well as instrumental support.
1. Introduction
In the past decade, researchers in the field of family sociology have become increasingly interested in the adult sibling relationship. Until recently, attention for the sibling relationship was only minimal compared to the interest in other family relationships, such as the parent-child relationship or the spouse relationship, but more and more researchers have come to acknowledge the importance of brothers and sisters as a source of comfort and support (Bedford, 1995; Eriksen & Gerstel, 2002), companionship (Connidis & Davies, 1990) and well-being (O'Bryant, 1988). Even though siblings usually do not play a major role in most adult’s day-to-day life, they tend to be permanent members of adult’s social networks over the course of life, and therefore always a potential source of support.
Although there are several studies that have investigated support in the sibling relationship, many of them have used small non-representative samples. Analyses are often limited to the elderly, investigating the amount and type of support they can generate from their social network. Different kinds of relationships are compared rather than focusing specifically on the sibling relationship, but there are some that look at only the sibling relationship (Cicirelli, Coward, & Dwyer, 1992; Dykstra, 1990; O'Bryant, 1988). Other studies confine their sample to students (Cicirelli, 1980; Newman, 1991), or specific ethnic groups, such as Italian-American families (Johnson, 1982) or black American families (Taylor, Chatters, & Mays, 1988). Results of these examinations are group specific and should be handled with caution when making generalizations about a broader population. However, there are some exceptions that do use large representative samples from the United States (White, 2001; White & Riedmann, 1992), Britain (McGlone, Park, & Roberts, 1999) or the Netherlands (Verbakel & De Graaf, 2004) to draw conclusions on aspects such as frequency of contact, closeness or helping behavior in the adult sibling relationship.
Theory formation on support in the sibling relationship is limited. Theories often focus on the sibling relationship as a family relationship and explain support by comparing and relating to other family relationships. Previous studies on support in the sibling relationship have sought explanations for the exchange of support in theories such as the family system theory (Cicirelli, 1980), attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979; Cicirelli, 1989), theory on the hierarchy of helpers (Cantor, 1979). These theories do not do justice to the sibling relationship, because they assume that support between adult siblings is merely a result of the development of a close bond during childhood, or that siblings only come into play when alternatives are lacking. We propose that siblings can be approached as an independent relationship, susceptible to change over the life course. We will, therefore, start with theories on support in general and apply these on the sibling relationship. Two theoretical approaches of support will be used.
From social psychology comes the assumption that people who are similar, are attracted to each other. This line of research has mainly focused on chosen relationships, such as marriage partners and friends. The importance of similarity for ascribed relationships such as the one between siblings has only rarely been investigated. The link between attraction and specific behavior in relationships, such as the provision of various kinds of support has also hardly been made in previous research. In this article we will test the hypothesis that siblings who are alike will support each other more.
Since this study is concerned with explaining the provision of support, one could argue in favor of differences instead of similarities, because it is generally known in economics that different resources between parties stimulate exchange. From this assumption an alternative hypothesis is derived, expecting differences between siblings to facilitate the provision of support. To look at the provision of support in the sibling relationship with this exchange perspective gives a more instrumental view on the sibling relationship, contrary to the similarity argument that gives priority to attraction between siblings facilitating support.
Investigating support in the sibling relationship from these two perspectives will provide insight into the applicability of these theories to the special case of the sibling relationship, a relationship that is not necessarily close, but in which exchange of support often takes place. The main question that will be addressed in this study is: do similarities or differences between siblings facilitate the provision of support?
A distinction will be made between two kinds of support: emotional support and instrumental support. Talking about problems, giving advice, or just taking an interest in each other’s personal lives can be considered to be emotional support. With instrumental support more practical helping behavior is meant, such as home maintenance, help with domestic work or transportation. Emotional support from siblings might require an intimate relationship, comparable to friendship for which it is known that similarities are important, so for emotional support we expect similarities to enhance support.. Instrumental support, on the other hand, might be more dependent on resources, available time and skills, leading to the expectation that for this kind of support differences between siblings will matter.
2. Similarities
From studies on the development of friendship we have learned that people tend to form friendships with those who are similar to them (Lazarsfeld & Merton, 1954; Verbrugge, 1977). According to Lazarsfeld and Merton (1954), homophily emerges when people who have similar values, or are of similar status, can have rewarding interactions with each other if they express their views to each other. This will induce them to repeat their interactions which may evolve into a close friendship. Dissimilar values, on the other hand, lead to punitive experiences and are therefore less likely to be repeated.
Similarity has proven to be important for different kinds of relationships. People who are similar in status, values, taste or knowledge are more likely to be married to each other and to stay together (Kalmijn, 1998), to have strong social relations to each other (Marsden, 1988), to be friends with each other (Verbrugge, 1977). An overview of studies on homophily by Mc Pherson et al. (2001) provides evidence for the importance of similarity for the development of different kinds of relationships, varying from acquaintances to romantic partners.
Similarities are expected to be important in the sibling relationship, because siblings are in some ways comparable to friends. Siblings, like friends, are age peers and have a relationship characterized by egalitarianism with an emphasis on sociability (Cicirelli, 1995; Connidis, 1989). On the other hand, the sibling relationship is a family relationship as well. Even though siblings are more likely to be companions than any other kin (Connidis & Davies, 1990), they are not as important as friends are for companionship and emotional support (Eriksen & Gerstel, 2002; Felling, Fiselier, & Van der Poel, 1991; McGlone et al., 1999; Wellman & Wortley, 1990). Nonetheless, of all family relationships, the sibling relationship is closest to friendship.
Because of the parallel of siblingship with friendship, we expect similarity between siblings to be mainly important for the provision of emotional support (hypothesis 1). Similar people are assumed to be more emotionally attracted to each other, and this attraction is expected to be relevant to emotional support especially. To be able to provide emotional support it is assumed that empathy is a necessary prerequisite. In order to better understand another person’s situation and feelings it helps if one is in a similar situation with similar attitudes and feelings.
Similarity in several characteristics are expected to be related to the likelihood of providing emotional support. First, similarity of sex in the sibling dyad is expected to be important for support. In friendships same-sex friendships are more common than cross-sex friendships (Kalmijn, 2002; Marsden, 1988). For this reason, it is expected that same sex sibling dyads are more likely to be close. When it comes to the provision of support, the centrality of sex is also well known. Women are more likely to provide emotional support than men (see for instance Felling et al., 1991; Wellman & Wortley, 1990). Therefore, we expect that support is most likely to be provided in sister-sister dyads.
Second, closeness in age is a very strong dimension in studies of homophily in close friendships. Those closer in age tend to have a relationship that is more close and more personal (Marsden, 1987; McPherson et al., 2001; Verbrugge, 1977). Furthermore, in his study on confiding relations Marsden (1988) found that there was a strong tendency to confide in someone of one’s own age, what can be expected to be related to the provision of emotional support. Being such a strong dimension in friendship relationships, closeness in age is expected to be important for the sibling relationship as well. Closeness in age is expected to improve the likelihood of providing emotional support to a sibling.
Similarity in sex and age are ascribed characteristics. However, similarity in characteristics that are to a greater extent achieved is also often found in the literature. The most important of the achieved characteristics is similarity in educational attainment (McPherson et al., 2001). In studying discussion networks of Americans Marsden (1987) found about half of the educational diversity than is found in the general population. Similar results were found by Verbrugge (1977) who showed that education showed roughly the same level of similarity as was found for sex. For siblings similarity in educational level might have a positive influence on their relationship as well. Therefore, we expect that a smaller difference in educational level between siblings, the more likely it is that emotional support is given to a sibling.
Other characteristics that are not so much ascribed but achieved are the partner status and the parental status of siblings. Similarity in partner status and parental status are also expected to influence support in the sibling dyad, because being in the same phase in the life course is expected to facilitate the provision of emotional support (Connidis, 2001, p.226-228). When both are in the same phase of the life course, it is easier to understand each other and to be empathetic. We expect that siblings who are both single or are both partnered are more likely to support each other emotionally than when one of both is partnered and the other is not. Similarly, we expect that siblings who are both childless or who both have children are more likely to support each other emotionally than when one of them has children while the other does not.
3. Differences
A second and contrasting approach to the provision of support in the adult sibling relationship originates in social exchange theory. Social exchange theory implies a ‘two-sided mutually contingent, and mutually rewarding process involving “transactions” or simply “exchange”. […] The exchange approach in sociology might be described, for simplicity, as the economic analysis of non-economic social situations’ (Emerson, 1976, p.336). The basic idea behind exchange in economics is that those who have plenty of one good, but little of another in which they also have an interest, will look for an exchange partner who has enough of this second good, but is interested in the first. Two people with the same goods of which they do not desire to acquire more, will therefore have no interest in each other, because no exchange can take place that will make them both better off. Goods one could think of are, for example, financial resources for lending money or specific skills for helping with certain chores.
Economic theory has been successfully applied to different relationships, of which the partner relationship is most common (Becker, 1976, 1991; Bernasco & Giesen, 2000; Van der Lippe, 1993). According to Becker, the exchange between partners in one household leads to higher returns than when the partners had stayed single, which is essential for the economic approach: people will engage in exchange as long as both parties are made better off than without exchange.
In order to learn about the provision of support to siblings, it may be fruitful to approach the sibling relationship as an exchange relationship, in which differences between two siblings lead to possibilities for the exchange of support. Differences in resources between siblings are expected to increase the likelihood of the provision of instrumental support (hypothesis 2). Those with more resources are expected to be more likely to provide support to their less resourceful siblings, and those with less resources than their siblings are expected to be more likely to receive support. Where for emotional support similarities provide the conditions under which emotional help to a sibling is likely to be provided, for instrumental support differences are expected to more exchange of instrumental help.
Differences in several characteristics are expected to be relevant. A first difference in the sibling dyad that is expected to be important, is the one between brothers and sisters. Because of the gender specific division of tasks in and around the house that is often found, where women are more likely to provide help with domestic tasks and men more often help out with home maintenance (Felling et al., 1991, p.216), women and men can be considered as having different resources. This means that when, for example, support with household chores is needed, it is more likely that this support will be provided by a sibling when this sibling is a sister than when a brother is concerned. For the more practical jobs, such as for instance home maintenance, the opposite can be expected. From an economic exchange perspective most can be gained from being part of a mixed sex sibling dyad, where the skills of a sister complement the skills of her brother. We therefore expect that it is more likely that instrumental support will be provided in mixed sex dyads than in same sex dyads.