Side 5 – Porthos/Aramis (musketeers)
PORTHOS What do you make a wonder about? The latest fashion. It is a trifle, I admit, but still it is the fashion. Besides, one must lay out one’s inheritance somehow.
MUSKETEER 1 Ah, Porthos! Don’t try to make us believe that you obtained that baldrick by paternal generosity. It was given to you by that veiled lady I met you with last Sunday.
PORTHOS No, monsieur, by the faith of a nobleman, I bought it with the contents of my own purse.
MUSKETEER 2 Yes, in the same manner as I bought this new purse with the money my mistress put into the old one.
PORTHOS I say Inheritance! And it cost me twelve pistoles. Is it not true, Aramis?
(all look to Aramis for verification)
PORTHOS Well? is it not true? (Aramis answers his friend with an affirmative nod of the head) Who says this Aramis is not a wit? What a misfortune it is you did not follow your first vocation – what a delightful priest you would have made!
ARAMIS Oh, it’s only a temporary postponement. I shall be one, some day. You know very well, Porthos, that I continue to study theology for that purpose.
PORTHOS He will be one, he says. He will be one, sooner or later.
ARAMIS Soon.
MUSKETEER 1 He only waits for one thing to occur before he will don his cassock.
MUSKETEER 2 What is he waiting for?’
MUSKETEER 1 Only till the Queen has given an heir to the crown of France.
(much laughter from the group)
PORTHOS No jokes upon that subject, gentlemen. Thank God, the Queen is still of an age to give one.
ARAMIS They say that Monsieur de Buckingham is in France. Perhaps he can help.
(The rest of the group reacts as if this were the naughtiest of jokes)
PORTHOS Aramis, my good friend, this time you are wrong. Your wit is always leading you astray. If Monsieur de Tréville heard you, you would repent of speaking thus.
ARAMIS Are you going to teach me ethics , Porthos?
PORTHOS My dear fellow, be a Musketeer or a priest. Be one or the other, but not both. You know what Athos told you the other day: you dine at everybody’s table. You go to Madame d’Aguillon’s, and you pay your court to her; you go to Madam de BoisTracy’s, and you seem to be far advanced in the good graces of that lady. No one asks for your secret – all the world knows your discretion. But since you possess that virtue, why the devil don’t you make use of it with respect to her Majesty? Let whoever likes talk of the King and the Cardinal, and as he likes; but the Queen is sacred, and if anyone speaks of her, let him speak well.
ARAMIS Porthos, you are as vain as Narcissus. You know I hate moralizing, except when it is done by Athos. You wear too magnificent a baldrick to be strong on that point. I will be a priest if and when it suits me; in the meanwhile I am a Musketeer. So I say what I please, and at this moment it pleases me to say that you annoy me.
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