The Big Bang Theory

Series 2 Episode 08 – The Lizard-SpockExpansion

Scene: The apartment.

Sheldon: Oh look, Saturn 3 is on.

Raj: I don’t want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space Nine is better.

Sheldon: How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?

Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you it’s six better.

Leonard: Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.

Sheldon: In what sense is that a compromise?

Leonard: Well, five is partway between three… Never mind.

Raj: I’ll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?

Sheldon: Ooh, I don’t think so. No, anecdotal evidence suggests hat in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other will tie 75 to 80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock.

Raj: What?

Sheldon: It’s very simple. Look, scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock. Rock crushes lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard. Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes rock. And as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Raj: Okay, I think I got it. (They prepare)

Together: Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock! (Both hold up the symbol for Spock) Oh!

Howard (entering, wearing an eye patch): Hello, boys.

Leonard: Ahoy, matey.

Howard: Noticed the eye patch, did you? It’s all part of a technique I’ve been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable.

Sheldon: Oh yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters.

Leonard: Or in this case, the bar mitzvah boy with pinkeye.

Howard: Mock me if you will, but it works. You show up at a club in something distinctive, scope out your target and toss out some negs.

Raj: What are negs?

Howard: A neg is a negative compliment that throws a pretty woman off her game, like “Normally, I’m not turned on by big teeth, but on you, they work.” I’ve got a whole list of ‘em. Who wants to be my wingman?

Leonard: You’re not gonna need a wingman, you’re gonna need a paramedic.

Penny (entering): Howard, your scooter’s blocking my car. Aw, did you get pinkeye again?

Howard: Step one, she notices the eye patch. May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair? (She reaches out, pulls his eye patch away from his face, then lets go allowing the elastic to spring it back into place.)

Penny: Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.

Credits sequence.

Time / Show / Episode / Rating
9:00 pm / The Big Bang Theory / The Griffin Equivalency / TV-14
9:30 pm / The Big Bang Theory / The Euclid Alternative / TV-14
10:00 pm / The Big Bang Theory / The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem / TV-14
10:30 pm / The Big Bang Theory / The Panty Piñata Polarization / TV-PG

Big Bang Theory, The (SAP)
Panty Pinata Polarization, The
When Sheldon bans Penny from the apartment for numerous minor infractions, she decides to retaliate. Howard and Raj search fo... more:

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