Sentence Composing: Focus 4
Sentence Expanding
Sentence expanding is a process for changing your sentences into sentences like those of professional writers. It transforms reduced sentences into fully developed sentences.
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Example
Reduced Sentence
There stood two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut glass.
Expanded Sentence
In the centre of the table there stood, as sentries to a fruit-stand which upheld a pyramid of oranges and American apples, two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut glass, one containing port and the other dark sherry.
James Joyce, "The Dead"
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Compare this version, a rewrite of the original, with Joyce's original sentence:
Two squat old-fashioned decanters stood there. They were in the centre of the table. They were like sentries to a fruit-stand near them. The fruit-stand upheld a pyramid of oranges and American apples. One of the decanters contained port. The other one contained sherry.
The rewrite is uneconomical, using six sentences to express what Joyce did in just one sentence; it uses 44 words to Joyce's 37. It's poorly organized, failing to show as clearly as Joyce's the interrelationships among the various objects described. It's uninteresting, beginning each of the six sentences in the same monotonous way.
Can an expanded sentence, like a balloon filled to overcapacity, "burst"? As long as a sentence is clear in meaning, it's not over-expanded, regardless of how many words are in the sentence, regardless of how many different structures are present, regardless of how many ideas are packed into it. Among American writers, William Faulkner is famous for the ultralong sentences that characterize his style. The French writer Victor Hugo is often cited as having written one of the longest sentences ever, one that has hundreds of words, in Les Miserables. The Irish writer James Joyce went even further, ending his novel Ulysses with a sentence that runs over twenty pages!
Even among professional writers, however, such ultralong sentences are rare. Still, on the average, sentences by professional writers are longer than those by students.
Practice 1
To practice adding expansions, substitute new ones for those in boldface.
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Example
Original Expansions
In the centre of the table there stood, as sentries to a fruit-stand which upheld a pyramid of oranges and American apples, two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut glass, one containing port and the other dark sherry.
James Joyce, "The Dead"
New Expansions
On a shelf in the china closet there stood, like fragile sculptures which boasted an old age and genteel birth, two squat old-fashioned decanters of cut glass, one opened, the other unopened.
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1. Now, in the morning air, her face was still before him.
Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome
2. Al was out already, unscrewing the steaming radiator cap with the tips of his fingers, jerking his hand away to escape the spurt when the cap should come loose.
John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
3. With them, carrying a gnarled walking stick, was Elmo Goodhue Pipgrass, the littlest, oldest man I had ever seen.
Max Schulman, "The Unlucky Winner"
4. Later that night, hunched over the kitchen table, still somewhat numbed by the unexpected turn of events, I chewed thoughtfully on a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, while my mother, hanging over the sink in her rump-sprung Chinese-red chenille bathrobe, droned on monotonously.
Jean Shepherd, "Wanda Mickey's Night of Golden Memories"
5. Their bedroom was on the second floor, a little cubbyhole really, attained at a special price, its window looking out beyond some rosebushes into the forest, thick with elms and oaks and hedgerows, a brook's rushing waters and bird song waking them in the morning.
Oscar Hijuelos, Mr. Ives' Christmas
Practice 2
Expand each sentence at the slash mark ( / ), using approximately the number of words of the original.
Reduced Sentence
1. She sprang dynamically to her feet, /3, then swiftly and noiselessly crossed over to her bed and, /3, dragged out her suitcase.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, "Bernice Bobs Her Hair"
2. He stood there, /4, and Rainsford, /6, heard the general's mocking laugh ring through the jungle.
Richard Connell, "The Most Dangerous Game"
3. /4, he knocked the big man down, and the big man came again, /9.
Maurice Walsh, "The Quiet Man"
4. We spent several evenings together, and the last one was the funniest, /15.
Bennett Cerf, At Random
5. That night in the south upstairs chamber, /18, Emmett lay in a kind of trance.
Jessamyn West, "A Time of Learning"
6. /21, Paul dressed and dashed whistling down the corridor to the elevator.
Willa Cather, "Paul's Case"
Practice 3
In the last Practice, you were given complete sentences to expand. Now expand incomplete sentences (fragments) by adding a main clause at the slash mark ( / ), using approximately the number of words of the original.
Sentence Parts
1. /5, helping her get ready, uttering cheerful banalities, and, at the same time, wondering how she felt as she looked in the mirror and saw the partially paralyzed cheek, the deepend lines, the wrinkled skin that hung down from her upper arms.
Doris Kearns Goodwin, Wait Till Next Year
2. On the outskirts of town, /5, though at first she did not realize it.
Elizabeth Enright, "Nancy"
3. /6, sweet, hot, and warming his empty stomach.
Ernest Hemingway, "The Undefeated"
4. When the hostess saw that I was awake and that my safety belt was already fastened, /9, waking the other passengers and asking them to fasten their safety belts.
Robert Bingham, "The Unpopular Passenger"
5. Running up the street with all his might, /11.
Murray Heyert, "The New Kid"
6. At night, untired after the day's work, /14.
Jessamyn West, "A Time of Learning"
Practice 4
For the first four sentences, add one expansion. (The original sentences have just one expansion.) For the next four sentences, add two expansions in two different locations. (The original sentences have two expansions.) Punctuate correctly.
Add One Expansion
1. In the hall stood an enormous trunk.
Willa Gather, Youth and the Bright Medusa
2. All members of the staff wore plastic tags bearing their names and color photographs.
Laurie Colwin, "Animal Behavior"
3. Jerry stood on the landing.
Joyce Carol Oates, The Wheel of Love and Other Stories
4. They lived in a square two-flat house tightly packed among identical houses in a fog-enveloped street in the Sunset district of San Francisco.
William Saroyan, "Boy and Girls Together"
Add Two Expansions
5. His teeth were pitifully inadequate by comparison with the mighty fighting fangs of the anthropoids.
Edgar Rice Burroughs, "Tarzan's First Love"
6. He used to ride,
Nancy Hale, "The Rider Was Lost"
7. She tossed her book to the deck and hurried to the rail.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, Flappers and Philosophers
8. It is hardly surprising that so many people lose their tempers with so many other people.
Shirley Jackson, "About Two Nice People"
Practice 5
Each sentence is a reduced version of a professionally written sentence. You're not told the number, position, or length of the expansions. You must decide all three.
The only guideline given is the number of words in the original sentence. Try to expand the reduced sentence to approximately the same length.
1. He can feel the eyes on him. (14 words)
Judith Guest, Original People
2. She made the best meatloaf in the world. (24 words)
Nancy Friday, My Mother/My Self
3. Weary made Billy take a very close look at his trench knife. (27 words)
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Slaughter-House Five
4. The gardens were laid out so neatly. (28 words)
Judith Guest, Ordinary People
5. A pale silk scarf is tied around his neck. (29 words)
Philip Roth, The Professor of Desire
6. The four animals continued to lead their lives. (30 words)
Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows
7. He went into the kitchen. (31 words)
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Slaughter-House Five