The Messages We Send the World

Sicha 1: Self / B’tzelem Elohim

Adapted by Maury Jacobs for SWUSY Kadima Convention 2014 from materials created by Amy Dorsch, Aaron Jacobs, and David Helfand, and from “Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself” a USY sourcebook

Goals:

  • Kadimanicks should learn to be cautious of what we share about ourselves online
  • Kadimanicks will learn the concept of B’tzelem Elohim and apply it to what they type as well as what they say

Materials:

  • Copy of Appendix B (2) & E (1)
  • Copies of Appendix A & C (1 per 2 Kadimanicks)

Overview:

  1. Mixer and Intro (10 minutes)
  2. Talk vs. Text (10 minutes)
  3. My Social Media (15 minutes)
  4. B’tzelem Elohim / Jewish Responsibility (15 minutes)
  5. When We Hit Send / Closing (10 minutes)

Step 1: Mixer and Intro (10 minutes)

Mixer: Have the group go around introducing themselves. Name. City. Favorite Social Media Site/App (or the one they want most if they aren’t allowed yet).

Activity: Lay out the sheets of paper with names to social media sites/app around the area. Explain that you will read off a list of situations and after each one, the Kadimanicks should stand by the app which they would use for that information in most cases. This is meant to be a quick activity, but it may be worthwhile to ask a few to briefly explain their choices if you expect it would be interesting.

  1. Share your new favorite t.v. show.
  2. Share a photo from your family vacation.
  3. Let people know that you just ate a delicious dessert.
  4. Share that you are upset that you didn’t do very well on a recent test.
  5. Share an awesome selfie.
  6. Find out what your best friend is up to.
  7. Share a funny video of your friend drooling in their sleep.
  8. Find out what a cute boy/girl is up to.
  9. Complain about how unfair your parents are being.
  10. Share an embarrassing picture of yourself with a close friend that you wouldn’t want anyone else to see.

After this activity take a moment to distinguish the difference between apps like facebook messenger, text messaging, skype, etc (which are 1-1, or for small groups) vs. those like facebook, instagram, google +, twitter, etc which have a much wider reach.

Step 2: Talk vs. Text (10 minutes)

Activity: Ask for 3 volunteers. Each of them should come up with 2 true facts about themselves and one lie. Group members must guess which are true and which are false.

Discussion:

  1. Was it difficult to determine which were true and which was false?
  2. If it had not been Shabbat, and each person had written down their truths and lies instead of saying them, would it have been easier or harder to discover which one was a lie? Why?

Activity: Ask for another volunteer. Hand them the notecard which reads “Yeah. She is really smart.” Ask the volunteer to read the card out loud to the group seriously. Afterwards, ask them to read it again sarcastically.

Discussion

  1. How did the two readings convey different messages?
  2. If this had been a text message conversation, how could we have known which way to read this?
  3. Have you ever received a text message from someone which you didn’t know how to interpret? What did you do in that situation?
  4. Have you ever sent a text message / post / tweet/ etc which could have been misinterpreted? What did you do after you realized your mistake?
  5. When reaching out to a friend, are you most likely to send a text message or give them a call? Does it depend on the situation?
  6. What are the benefits of talking over the phone rather than via messaging?

Step 3: My Social Media (15 minutes)

Explain to the groups that this discussion will be an open and honest look at how we share information about ourselves through digital mediaand online social networking.

These questions will be led by the USY leaders assigned to your group. See Appendix A for the questions.

Step 4: B’tzelem Elohim & Jewish Online Responsibility (15 minutes)

Text Discussion: Pass out the text page (appendix B). Have someone read a text and then you will discuss. Then repeat for the other texts

Text 1: B’zelem Elohim

  1. What do you think it means to be made in the image of G-d?
  2. Think about the characteristics that we believe are aspects of G-d. Which of these characteristics can be seen in man? (possible answers: creator, love, anger, thinker, power)
  3. Do you think you emulate G-dly characteristics? Which ones? In what ways?
  4. What kinds of responsibilities are placed on us for being made in G-d’s image? Does this knowledge effect your actions?

Text 2: Noach embarrasses himself

Before going into this text, make sure that the group knows the context of this story. Ask who was Noach (Noah). Then share that text 2 happens in Noach’s life after the flood story.

  1. What do the underlined sections tell us about Noach’s “revealing” behavior?
  2. Sometimes we or our friends make bad choices or engage in behavior or conversations that others should not see. Why do some people choose to put it online for the world to view?
  3. Have you ever been embarrassed by something you or someone else put online about you? What can we do to make sure these situations don’t happen?

Text 3: Purim Connection – Esther keeps her secret

Ask for a short explanation of the Purim story. Who was Esther and who was Mordichai?

  1. What is Esther keeping a secret? Why did Mordichai tell her to keep it secret?
  2. This text is short but has a profound moral. What is it? How do we apply the lesson to our lives (online and offline)?
  3. Some people choose to use social media as a way to share their inner-most secrets. Do you think that sometimes it’s a good idea to hold back from broadcasting everything? What types of information might we want to make sure we keep off of social media?

Text 4: Moshe hides his face from G-d

  1. What is the setting of this story? (answer: burning bush)
  2. What are some of the consequences you fear from revealing too much of your “face” on social media?
  3. Moses hid himself out of fear of the unknown. How can this apply to how we should use our social media?

Step 5: When We Hit Send / Conclusion (10 minutes)

This is a good time to bring it all back together. Ask some “big picture” questions about what we’ve learned through our conversations.

  1. How can we use social media for good?
  2. How can it be used for bad?
  3. What responsibility do we have being created in G-d’s image in the way we represent ourselves on and offline?

Pass out Appendix C: “When we hit send” and review these safety items with the group. Share any closing thoughts you may have.

Appendix A: Representing Yourself through the Internet

Directions: In your group, discuss the following questions. Feel free to ask your own questions, but be sure to remain on topic. Feel free to choose which questions you’d like to discuss.

  1. Ask the Kadimanicks to raise their hand if they use the following social media sites and apps?
  2. Myspace, Facebook, Google +
  3. Twitter, Vine, Snapchat
  4. Blog
  5. Skype, Google Hangouts
  6. Pintrest
  7. Instagram
  8. Others?
  9. Are there any social media sites/apps that your parents currently or previously did not let you use? How did/does that make you feel?
  10. Are there any other restrictions that your parents put on you regarding social media? i.e they must have your password, you must be friends with them on facebook, etc.
  11. Why do some parents have these restrictions? Is it fair? Is there a real danger here?
  12. Is it okay to post any picture you like, associate with any group, or use vulgar language on Facebook/Instagram/Twitteras a way of expressing yourself? Does the same hold true for a text message?
  13. If someone else is in your picture, do they deserve a say before you post it somewhere?
  14. Is there anything on your Facebook/Instagram or other social mediaaccount that you would not want your parents to see or know about?
  15. How do you decide what goes on your profile and what you hold back? Are you always cautious about what you text to people viacell phone?
  16. What do you consider before accepting a friend request?
  17. If a complete stranger had access to all the information in your various social media accounts, what words might they use to describe you? Do you feel that is accurate to who you really are?
  18. Have you ever been made uncomfortable by something a friend posted on a social media site? Did you do anything about it?

Appendix B: Texts

Texts 1-4 for sicha 1

Text 2

Text 3

Appendix B pt 2

Text 4:

Texts 5 – 7 for Sicha 2

Texts 5 & 6:

Text 7:


Appendix C: When We Hit Send

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

BEFORE HITTING SEND

Don’t assume anything you send or post is going to remain private.

Your messages and images will get passed around, even if you think they won’t. 40% of teens and young adults say that they have had a message or photo shown to them which was clearly meant to be private. 20% admit to sharing messages or photos which were meant to be private with others who the message was clearly not meant for.

There is no changing your mind in cyberspace.

Anything that you send or post will never truly go away. Something that might seem fun or flirty on a whim will never really die. Teachers, coaches, friends, enemies, strangers, future college recruiters, and future potential employers may be able to find your past posts, even after you delete them. Additionally, it’s nearly impossible to control what others are posting about you. Even if you have second thoughts and delete a post/photo, there is no telling who has already copied it and shared it elsewhere.

Consider the recipient’s reaction.

Just because a message is meant to be fun doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. It’s easier to be more provocative or outgoing online, but anything you write post or send does contribute to the real life impression you are making. That’s only mentioning the intended recipient. What if someone else see’s the message?

Next time you are about to send a message/post, STOP!

Ask yourself – Is this something I would say to his or her face? Is it something worth saying? How would I feel if the “wrong” person read it? Would I want a trusted adult in my life to see it? If you have any doubts, then don’t send or post it.

The Messages We Send the World

Sicha 2: Others / Lashon Horah

Goals:

  • Building off the first session on being cautious of what we share about ourselves online, Kadimanicks will explore the dangers of what we share about others online
  • Kadimanicks will learn the concept of Shmirat Halashon and apply it to what they type as well as what they say

Materials:

  • Copies of Appendix B, D

Overview:

  1. Telephone (5 minutes)
  2. Lashon Hora: Pillow Story (20 minutes)
  3. Shmirat HaLashon Scenarios (20 minutes)
  4. Mench Tweets & Wrap Up (10 minutes)

Step 1: Telephone

Activity: The Kadimanicks should be sitting in a circle or a straight line. Explain that we will be playing a game of telephone. There will be no “operators” (repeats) so everyone should listen closely. Play a few rounds, with longer “stories” each time.

  • Alexa is our Regional President. She used to think that Maury was a werewolf.
  • Avi and Dan both live in Oklahoma. Dan thinks Katy Perry is cute and Avi looks a bit like Justin Timberlake.
  • Avital led Shabbat Ma’ariv for the first time last night. She wishes that she could be Amy Pond.
  • Eddy would like to be a banana, even though they are gross. Ben and Maddi are really great convention chairs! They were both born in February. We all love Kadima!

Questions:

  1. How did our group do?
  2. What is the lesson of this exercise? (possible answers: messages can get changed as they are passed along, rumors spread quickly, etc)
  3. Who knows what Lashon Hora is? (it means gossip or evil speech)

Explain: Last night we talked about how we need to be careful and protect ourselves online. What about comments we make about others?In every school, there is an “in crowd” and an “out crowd.” But, no matter which “crowd” you feel you’re part of, everyone talk about everyone else. We have all been both victims and perpetrators of the negative remarks of others. We strive in USY and Kadima to be a safe space, free from gossip and judgment. Let us learn a little more about Lashon Hora.

Step 2: Lashon Hora: Pillow Story

Read the story below to your group and then discuss the questions below and any others that come up.

Questions:

  1. What lessons do we learn from this story?
  2. Has someone ever said something about you that spread like the feathers? How did you feel?
  3. Have you ever said something about someone else that had the same effect?
  4. Do you think that the “feathers” (gossip) travel faster when we speak or via the internet?
  5. When we post something that upsets someone, and they let us know. What can we do to make it better?

Explain:

The key difference between bullying online and teasing in the halls at school is the breadth and scope of the bullying. Once those words are sent or posted, they’re out there, for the entire world to see and you can never take them back. The online content has spread near and far and there’s no way to retrieve it. For those who could escape the torment of others at home or after school, they were able to get through it. Now, when your ‘Safe space” also becomes a site of torment, there is no escape.

Text Study: The Kadimanicks should read the short texts for this sicha. Have a volunteer read text 5 and then 6, then do the questions. Last will be text 7 which will help lead into the next activity.

Questions for Texts 5 and 6:

  1. What do we learn from these texts about the power of our words?
  2. Is it something that is powerful or easy to control?
  3. Is it different with our words and our posts? Can one cause greater harm than the other? Is one easier to control?

Questions for Text 7:

  1. What do you think a “talebarer” is? (a person who gossips or shares secrets)
  2. In Jewish tradition we learn that spreading gossip is just as bad as murder. Why might that be? Do you agree?
  3. What does it mean to “not stand idly by”?
  4. These two verses from the Torah are next to each other. What might “blood of your neighbor” mean? Can we only read it as physical bloodshed?

Step 3: Shmirat HaLashon Scenarios

Explain: Some of you may be thinking, “I don’t gossip online, and I’ve never been bullied online. How does this all apply to me? It’s not just enough to refrain from gossip online and offline – the bystander has responsibility too. It’s our responsibility to guard our tounges (Shmirat HaLashon) and our texting fingers, we also must stop others from being harmed, on and off line.

Split the group into 4 smaller groups. Hand out “What would you do” scenarios – in appendix D and get groups to imagine themselves in those situations and decide how they would respond in the situation with which they presented. After about 12 minutes, the groups should come back, act out the scenario, and then explain how they would handle it.

Presentations: For each one, ask them to explain how they were able to practice Shmirat Halashon and the responsibility not to stand on the blood of your friend as a bystander. Other groups may step in and make other suggestions as to what they would do.

Make sure as the educator, that you also give suggestions and options of what they can do if faced with these situations in real life and the importance of telling a trusted adult before things get out of hand. Have them brainstorm other options such as reporting it to the site, telling the victim that you’re going to help them deal with it, etc.

A Question: Ask the group as a whole what the consequences could be if you DON’T say something or do something. Imagine it was you. With online communication, no one is safe from cyberbullying or saying/posting something by accident.

Step 4: Mench Tweets & Wrap Up

If you didn’t get to go over appendix C during the first session, try to find time to fit it in here.

Activity: Mench Tweets

Explain: We’ve talked in both of our sichot about the potential dangers related to social media and apps, but we haven’t spent much time talking about some of the things its good for. Facebook and similar apps help us stay in touch after convention and share memories. We can also use social media to give our friends compliments. Lets take a minute and practice using it for good! Since it’s Shabbat and we can’t log in, I’d like everyone to send a verbal tweet to a member of the group. The tweet should be a compliment, but keep it short, you only have 140 characters (or about 10 seconds)!

It’s important to make sure that everyone gets a turn here – both as giving and receiving compliments. You may want to control this by having everyone give the compliment to the person sitting next to them. Or you can just make sure that no one gets more than 1 compliment. You can run this activity a few times if you have extra time.