recap season 3 ep 6 Lifesize
So once again we foray into the Chaikenverse folks!
Keep that feedback coming - lovin' it as usual and really enjoying hearing where you guys are all from in the world!
Fade up on:
PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD:
Tina gives Josh her card and tells him to call her.
MANgus tries to woo Kit by donning eyeliner and serenading her.
Moira tells Jenny that she's "not fish nor fowl"
Jenny gets Moira to dress up/drag upas a guy and thinks she's "hot" like that.
Dylan and Helena scorch up the screen sitting down.
Alice 'gets on down' for a bite with Uta.
Dana tells her friends about the lump and her surgery.
Carmen tells Shane to act like she has a girlfriend after meeting Cherie.
Shane then promptly goes off to give Cherie a good seeing-to.
Fade up on:
A MUCH younger Bette sitting talking with a guy in a college dorm.
(Is that Siouxsie and the Bansheesplaying in the background? If so, our Young Bette had TASTE!)
They are looking at a male nude B&W photo in a book by famous American photographer, Mapplethorpe. (He was renounedfor taking stylized, erotic black and white portraits, flowers and naked guys. The cover pic on Patti Smith's album Horses was by him btw)
Young Bette's (who is played by a different actress but still voiced by Jennifer Beals) hand strays off the book and onto the crotch of her friend (who turns out to be Coleman - Mr Gay Cowboy - from last weeks opening flashback scene) and finds him to be hard just from looking at the photographs.
The two start to make out and very quickly are having sex.
It's all very wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am and soon Young Bette is looking off to the side while Coleman plows away.
"You ok?" asks Coleman, stopping.
"You're fucking that guy in the photograph" states Young Bette.
Coleman promptly gets off her and sits on the bed, embarrassed.
"It's ok" says Young Bette...... "I do it too" - referring to fucking one person and thinking of another.
"You do? Who?"
"Professor Danica Palmer" answers Young Bette.
And I'm presuming from Coleman's expression that Danica is a woman's name.
Ahhhh, our Young Bette started out Young indeed! ;-)
OPENING TITLES
"Girls in tight dresses
who drag with moustaches...... "
Let me tell you folks, ANY girl coming onto me in a tight dress, wearing a moustache is gonna get mighty short shrift!
Just let's sing along and pretend the theme music is Breathe by Melissa Etheridge shall we?
You know it makes sense.
FADE UP ON:
Our favourite lothario hairdresser, sneaking back into the house after spending the night showing Cherie Jaffe just what you CAN do with a strapon and some enthusiastic initiative.
But Shane is not to be that lucky, as Carmen is lying on the sofa waiting for her.
"Did you fuck her?" asks Carmen, straight out.
Shane, much like a rabbit caught in headlights between a rock and a hard place just stands there, trying to find something to say to justify her actions.
She ends up just hanging her head in shame and defeat.
CUT TO:
A pile of books on a table next to a clock.
Btw, one of the books is Cutting Through Spiritual Materalism, so I'm guessing the person in this scene will be Bette.
Ohhhhh hello! It's BETTE! ;-)
sitting in bed next to Tina, early in the morning.
Well, I SAY "next to", but from the look of it, it has to be one of the biggest double beds I've ever seen, cause in the middle of Tina lying there and Bette sitting there, there's at LEAST 5 miles of space between them!
Oh. Ok. Maybe not 5 miles.
Maybe more like 5 feet, but still, I'm sure you see where I'm headed with this...
How has the Bette/Tina relastionship gone quite so wrong over this season?
It's so heartbreaking to witness the demise of their once-solid love for each other.
"Have you fucked him yet?" asks Bette
Tina, rouses herself and eventually answers no.
They continue to talk about Tina's attraction to men/her internet dalliance etc and all the while we see, literally and metaphorically, the distance between them.
"So, is there a real man in the real world somewhere?" asks Bette, trying to be all stoic.
Tina confesses that there is, and his name is Josh.
Bette recognises that name and confirms that he's the producer that Tina is working with.
Tina says she doesn't even know if Josh fancies her and Bette counters with the fact she's heard her partner on the phone with him - you can't flirt that much unless the other person in the conversation is flirting back etc.
Tina gets up and leaves the room whilst Bette sits there with all her anger, doubts and fears.
Cut to:
MANgus and Kit, the morning after.
"I love you" says MANgus, as they lie in bed together.
"Do you know how many men have said that RIGHT after they did what you just did?" says Kit playfully.
Kit goes on to say that all the other guys have left, but MANgus tries to make her see that he does indeed love her.
He KNOWS how he feels.
Kit isn't so sure and says so.
MANgus still tries his best to make her see that he's serious about her, but Kit is still trying to play it all down.
"So, I'm just your boytoy is that it?"
"Would that be so bad?" answers Kit, honestly.
But MANgus doesn't want to be just a roll in the hay.
Kit sits there wrapped in the bedsheets and shakes her head, confused that this one guy just wont seem tolove her and leave,like all the others have done in her life!
Cut to:
Alice's place, where Janice the lovely lesbian cleaner is still doing her stuff.
In breezes Ms Pieszecki and asks her lovely cleaner to dispose of the Dana standee that she's been holding onto all this time.
It seems that being bitten by Uta the vamp last week has done our Alice the power of good, as she swaggers down her hall, practically a new woman!
Cut to:
Dana and Lara, packing for Dana's stay in hospital.
Dana isn't handling having cancer very well, but then, how DO you handle having cancer?
Everyone handles it differently - so internalise their anger, some take it out on others.
Unfortunately for Lara, Dana seems to be taking the latter of those routes.
No matter what Lara does for Dana, it's not right or good enough etc.
Dana is bitter and angry and scared and a myriad of other things besides.
Lara is trying to be there for her, to be supportive and loving, but Dana is making it hard for her.
She's demanding and bitter. Shetries to push Lara away constantly and so far Lara has taken it.
But for how much longer?
Lara finishes the packing and sees how scared Dana is.
She goes over and holds her.
Cut to:
Jenny waitressing at The Planet while Billie looks on, trying to hurry her up.
In comes a woman whom Billie greets as a customer, but as soon as Jenny sees who is it they are greeting each other as friends and when Billie tries to give Jenny a dish of food to take to a customer, Jenny thinks he's giving it to her and her friend and tells him they're going over to a table to sit down and talk!
Billie's face is priceless at that! ;-)
Turns out that the woman is apublisher Jenny sent her manuscript to.
AND it turns out that she wants to publish Jenny's book, NEXT FALL!
(Yes, in the strange world of Ilene Chaiken, Jenny CAN get published!)
Jenny, unsurprisingly, sits there gobsmacked in shock.
"Are you serious?!" she challenges her publisher.
But she is indeed deadly serious.
Publisher Woman wants to know how much of the book is true.
Turns out she wants to send Jenny on a book tour and wants to know if she'd be ok with talking about her experiences.
Basically, she thinks the book should be changed to more of an autobiography instead of a fictional novel.
"In today's climate, survivor memoirs have a much better chance of breaking out and reaching an audience".
Just then Billie comes over and demands Jenny get back to work.
Obviously Jenny has no intention of just leaving this important conversation, and so when Billie calls over Kit to sort of Jenny's inactivity with her waitressing apron, Jenny introduces her to her publisher, "Jan Martin", pushing the point that Jan has flown in especially to talk to her about her novel.
To his credit, Billie looks a bit gobsmacked at that choice bit of information. lol!
Yep Billie, your new waitress has hidden depths! ;-)
Kit ushers Billie away, saying he can handle the customers for the moment, and Billie, indignant about being reduced to the level of waiter, protests as he goes. I love Billie and Kit moments, don't you folks! They're like a couple of kids ;-)
Jenny wants to know from Jan how much of the content of her novel she'd have to change.
Jan says not all that much, plus, she's giving her one of their most talented editors to work with.
Then she gives her an envelope containing half of her advance for the novel.
Jenny opens the envelope, and very calmly asks Jan if she'll excuse her for a second.
She takes about 4 steps away from the table and then bursts into screams and shouts of "OHMYGAWDOHMYGAWD! I'M SO HAPPY I'M SO HAPPY!" dancing about like a lottery winner!
Ooooh, I wonder how much the cheque was for?
;-)
Cut to:
The CaliforniaHospital Medical Centre
Dana and Lara wait for Dana to be taken in to be seen.
When she is, the nurse says that the hospital likes their patients to mark which breast is being operated on with a marker pen.
Dana, unsurprisingly, says "you gotta be kidding me?!", but the nurse explains that it's just for safety and they've never had a problem before.
The light in the hospital is all blued and weird as Dana strips off her top and puts on the hospital gown.
Lara stands and takes her top from her when she removes it.
Dana draws a cross on her right breast and the music accompanying the scene is as bleak as the mood.
Cut to:
Carmen standing in the kitchen while Shane sits at the table in the foreground.
Carmen, clearly upset but holding it back, asks of her girlfriend, "Are you in love with her?"
Shane, head on her arm on the table, simply answers "no"
"Are you sure?" adds Carmen, fighting to stop tears escaping.
"Yeah" answers Shane quietly.
S: "Please Carmen, I don't want to make this into a big deal...."
C: "You go all the way over to someone's beach house, you fuck em till the sun comes up and you're asking ME not to make it into a BIG FUCKINGDEAL!"
S: "YOU WERE PRACTICALLY CUMMING ALL OVER THOSE TWO DEF JAM GUYS!"
C: "THAT WAS WORK!!!"
The two shout at each other, not hearing what the other is saying.
Shane is trying to justify her actions by laying it off on something Carmen did, when it's patently obvious that Carmen DIDN'T go out and fuck the Def Jam guys. BUT Shane DID go out and fuck Cherie Jaffe.
And she cannot get out of that fact, no matter what she argues.
"ARE YOU JEALOUS?!" Carmen shouts
"NO! I'm not fucking jealous!...... " Shane comes back
(sure looked like it to me.....)
"...... it just made me sad....."
C: "SAD ENOUGH TO GO OFF AND FUCK CHERIE JAFFE!!!
WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOTIC RESPONSE IS THAT!!!!"
S: "well, I guess I'm really fucked up in that way....."
Carmen stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and works on her anger.
C: "Are you hungry?"
Shane says she's starving, so Carmen goes over to the fridge and opens it, getting out a box of pizza.
She stands there with her back to Shane for a second, then whirls round, throwing bits of pizza at her girlfriend, yelling
"DO YOU WANT SAUSAGE OR FUCKING PEPPERONI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Shane leaps up from her chair, trying to dodge the flying food.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THAT YOU WANT HUH???!!!!!" yells Carmen, still throwing pizza.
"BOTH?! IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED, HUH?"
Shane stops her, pointing and stating, "y'know what? sometimes it IS!"
"In that case..." spits Carmen, "you should have NO problem with ME fucking whoever I want!"
That throws Shane for a loop then, stopping her dead in her tracks.
Cut to:
Bette sitting in her bathrobe.
Tina comes in and Bette says to her that she should explore her feelings for Josh.
Er, what? Exsqueeze me Ms Porter, did I hear you right just then?!
Where you just ENCOURAGING your girlfriend to go off and fuck a GUY?!!!!!!!!!
"This is so fucked up!" states Tina, and I thoroughly agree with her, but Bette is insistent.
She thinks Tina should find out if Josh is what she really wants.
"You need to know that I can't promise I'll still be here once you've got your answers" adds Bette.
I wish these two would just either break up already OR have a marathon sex session and get back together, cause this constant battle between the two is starting to wear thin.
It's like an open wound that wont heal.
Either slap a band aid on it, or rip the band aid off it, but for heaven's sake don't let it sit there festering.
Cut back to:
Dana being prepared for surgery.
We see most of the scene from her point of view - everyone looking down at her in the bed etc.
Her doctor comes in and she introduces him to Lara.
Lara tells Dana she'll be there when she wakes up and everything will be fine.
She goes to kiss Dana on the forehead, but Dana wants a kiss on the lips instead, which Lara delivers, then she has to leave.
The music is still weird and the lighting is all blue because of the curtains round the bed, and it makes the whole scene very surreal and disconcerting as Lara walks away and has to leave Dana to the mercy of the doctors and surgeons etc.
Cut to:
Tina in her office.
Dylan and Danny arrive ready to talk about the documentary project.
I'd watch that Danny if I were you Tina! If I'm not very much mistaken, he's one of the Cylons off the (fucking amazing!) new series of Battlestar Galactica! ;-)
Helena arrives, shakes hands with Danny and says an awkward hello to Dylan before they all get down to business.
Cut to:
Moira, in the office at The Planet, fixing one of the computers.
In walks Billie and exclaims "YOU are the cutest boy I have ever seen!"
He also asks her if she's doing hormones, and Moira says she's thought about it.
Billie says she doesn't have to wait as he can hook her up with some.
Seems that Tom (remember him? sitting next to Bif Naked at the party?) can get some for him.
Cut back to:
Shane sitting outside smoking a fag and reading a paper.
In a rather humorous moment, Carmen comes out onto the deck where Shane is sitting, and she's reading from a huge dictionary:
"OK, we'e talkin MONOGAMY:
it is a noun
and it is the condition or practice of having a mate during a period of time...."
"I get it Carmen" says Shane, wishing it was all over already.
"Wait a minute" says Carmen "I just wanna make sure you and I both know what we're talking about here....
Oh, listen to this: monogamy is common among birds!"
"That's great, I love birds" says Shane, wondering where this is all leading.
Carmen goes on about the definition of the word monogamy and Shane says she wants to give it a try, and that doesn't that mean something? THAT she's willing to try something that doesn't come naturally to her?
By this time, Carmen has picked up the fire extinguisher that was standing on a nearby table.
Shane does NOT like the look of that.
"I'm talking about a goddamn fucking bird Shane! I'm asking you to be as civilized as a goddamn fucking bird!"
Shane warns Carmen not to do it, but Carmen is already shaking the extinguisher with a minxy look in her eye.
Then suddenly she lets it loose on Shane and Katheine Moenning disappears in a cloud of dry powder with an "ARGH!"
LMAO! Nice one Carmen de la Pica di Morales! ;-)
In comes Alice right then, with a "Knock knock!"
She takes a look at the scene -Shane covered in white powder, like a naughty dog who's been sprayed with a water hose - and adds a "Hi weirdos!"
Now THAT'S the sort of little gem of a line that makes this show still worth watching if you ask me.