THE BITS…
President Obama says he thinks the Washington Redskins should change their name because it offends people. In fact, ‘Redskins’ is the most offensive name in Washington, aside from ‘Congressman.’
Despite the government shutdown, members of Congress are still getting paid. It’s reassuring to know that when times are tough, America will dig down deep and continue to take care of its rich and more fortunate.
The big shutdown continues. Not the shutdown of the federal government, the shutdown of the New York Giants.
Miley Cyrus says that Hannah Montana is dead. Hannah apparently died along with Miley’s dignity.
Miley Cyrus says that Hannah Montana has been murdered. Apparently Hannah was killed in a drive-by twerking.
Fox has renewed The Simpsons for a record-extending 26th season.Say what you will about him, but in 26 years Homer Simpson hasn’t aged a bit.
Fox has renewed The Simpsons for a record-extending 26th season. It means that Bart Simpson will have spent nearly as much time in elementary school as many college football players.
ABC has canceled the show Lucky 7. You had to figure the odds of that show becoming a hit were about the same as hitting the lottery.
ABC has canceled the show Lucky 7. Well, there’s one shutdown that we can all be happy about.
SON OF THE BITS…
Madonna has revealed that when she first moved to New York her apartment was broken into three times. Madonna said she felt violated, exposed and prone and was heartbroken when they stopped robbing her.
Chris Brown has revealed that he lost his virginity when he was eight years old. The only thing I ever lost at eight years old was my bicycle.
Chris Brown has revealed that he lost his virginity when he was eight years old. When I was eight years old I was lucky if I could ride my skateboard.
Britain’s Prince Harry reportedly plans to propose to his girlfriend after she put her fears of marrying into the royal family to rest. What young woman wouldn’t be hesitant to marry a handsome guy and be set for life?
A 9-year-old Minneapolis boy was able to get through airport security and onto a plane and flew to Las Vegas. The good news is the kid is now married to a stripper.
The Midwest was hit with over three feet of snow this weekend. In fact, it was so cold in Wyoming that Dick Cheney had to put anti-freeze in his pacemaker.
South Dakota was hit with over three feet of snow this weekend. In fact, it was so cold at Mt. Rushmore that President Roosevelt was wearing a ski mask.
Police in Florida arrested a woman after she bent over and danced in a vulgar manner in front of a school bus full of kids. The good news is they say Miley wasn’t sticking her tongue out.
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed wehave clips from Saturday Night Live, reality with The Amazing Race, plus laughs with The Simpsons, Family Guy and American Dad and make believe drama with the Real Housewives and Kardashians.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at561-381-7598or
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
HALLE BERRY and her actor husband OLIVIER MARTINEZ welcomed a baby boy on Saturday. The baby was reportedly born at Cedars Sinai hospital in L.A., but no other details were revealed. (More on Halle in Dateline Hollywood)
Some more details have leaked out about KHLOE KARDASHIAN and LAMAR ODOM’S big face-to-face last week. TMZ says that Lamar told Khloe he’d been sober for three days and planned to stay sober on his own without going to rehab. Khloe blew up and told Lamar he was in denial and needed rehab and wanted nothing to do with him until he got help. Sources say at some point during the meeting, Khloe found a pipe and what looked like crack in a baggie, but it wasn’t clear if she found it on his person or the clothes he was picking up at the house. Khloe supposedly went ballistic, calling Lamar a "liar" and telling him, "I'm done with you," before throwing him out of the house. Word is that Lamar seemed "out of it" during the meeting and even accused Khloe of stealing his stash. Word is that Khloe is waiting until after the season finale of Keeping up with the Kardashians before filing for divorce.
LAMAR ODOM has started following Tube8 on Twitter. If you’re not in the know, that’s a free online porn site that boasts "Everything always tastes better when it's free, including porn."
There’s a rumor going around that Britain’s PRINCE HARRY may be about to pop the question to girlfriend Cressida Bonas. Britain’s Telegraph reports that Cressida has put her fears of marrying into the royal family to rest and that their wedding is "likely to take place next year."
CARSON DALY and his longtime girlfriend, Siri Pinter are engaged. The couple already has two kids together, but didn’t announce a wedding date.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
MILEY CYRUS hosted "Saturday Night Live" over the weekend and there were plenty of references to her MTV Awards performance. During the opening sketch it was revealed that Miley was responsible for a post-apocalyptic New York 30 years in the future as her MTV performance set the world's downfall in motion. She also said that there would be no twerking because "Now that white people are doing it, it seems kinda lame." She also did a parody of "We Can't Stop," called "We Did Stop," about the government shutdown, which featured Miley as Michele Bachmann. (More on Miley in Music Notes)
SINÉAD O'CONNOR may have moved on from feuding with Miley Cyrus and has instead targeted SIMON COWELL, saying in an interview that he’s "murdered music." Sinead also said, "What I'm worried about is it's all about the visual, the pyrotechnics, the tits out...shake your ass. It's not about the song." Sinead also revealed, "I was asked by my record company to start wearing short skirts and growing my hair, and try to act really sexy and that's why I shaved my hair. I wanted to be judged by my talent, if any, and not by how I looked."
GENE SIMMONS threw some major shade at KURT COBAIN and AMY WINEHOUSE. Simmons said just because Cobain and Winehouse were acclaimed musicians who died young doesn’t mean they're icons. Simmons cited Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, The Who and others as being true legends, but added, "Kurt Cobain -- no, that's one or two records. That's not enough. Amy Winehouse -- that's one or two records. That's not enough. What, just 'cause you died, that makes you an icon?"
STACY KEIBLER is denying stories that she’s broke following her split with George Clooney and will return to the WWE. While Stacy say she’s grateful to the WWE for launching her career, she’s moved on.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
MADONNA revealsin Harper’s Bazaar that she was raped at knifepoint on a rooftop in New York within months of her arrival in 1977. Madonna writes, “New York wasn’t everything I thought it would be. It did not welcome me with open arms. The first year, I was held up at gunpoint. Raped on the roof of a building I was dragged up to with a knife in my back, and had my apartment broken into three times. I don’t know why; I had nothing of value after they took my radio the first time.” Madonna went on to say, “I was defiant…Hell-bent on surviving, But it was hard and it was lonely, and I had to dare myself every day to keep going.”
CHRIS BROWN revealed to Britain’s Guardian newspaper that he lost his virginity when he was eight years old to a girl who was 14 or 15. Brown didn’t reveal how many women he’s slept with, but did say, “Most women won't have any complaints if they've been with me. They can't really complain. It's all good.” He also said were it not for "the incident with Rihanna," he would now be "bigger than life."
CASEY KASEM'S kids are giving their step-mom, Jean Kasem, one more chance to let them see their ailing father or they’re going the legal route. Casey has advanced Parkinson's and probably not a lot of time left. The kids say that if Jean doesn't let them see their dad, they’ll go to court and ask a judge to create a conservatorship for Casey and make them the conservators. The kids have been cut out of Casey’s will, but they say they just want to see him before it's too late.
SELENA GOMEZ could end up paying more than a $1 million to settle a lawsuit with perfume maker Adrenalina over a fragrance line she was supposed to front. The company claimed Selena bailed on the deal whileSelena counter-sued, claiming she backed out because the company was going broke and couldn't afford to produce the product.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
ROSEANNE has accused ASHTON KUTCHER and "Two and a Half Men" creator CHUCK LORRE of stealing one of her jokes. During a recent ‘Men’ episode, Ashton told someone something like, "You're wet where you're supposed to be dry."Roseanne attacked Ashton on twitter, calling him"an immoral thief of intellectual property." She then went after Lorre, saying:"Chuck Lorre is a thief! Stealing my jokes for his s**t two and a half moron." Lorre once worked as a writer on Roseanne’s sitcom and she added: "I wish I'd NEVER hired Chuck Lorre. Like EVERY 'sober' Hollywood mkultrabot, he went from being a drunken bum 2 an overbearing arrogant thief." (See ‘Men’ clip here)
JACK OSBOURNE posted a photo of his baby daughter Pearl wearing on Ozzy wig and glasses…and it’s worth a look! (See here)
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
This Weekend’s Top 10 Movies…
1. Gravity: $55.6 million
2. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, $14.5 million
3. Runner Runner: $7.6 million
4. Prisoners: $5.7 million
5. Rush: $4.4 million
6. Don Jon, $4.2 million
7. Baggage Claim, $4.1 million
8.Insidious Chapter 2, $3.9 million
9. Pulling Strings, $2.5 million
10. Enough Said $2.2 million
The first cancellation of the new fall TV season has been announced and the unlucky show is the ABC lottery drama "LUCKY 7." It'll be replaced for the time being by reruns of "Scandal."
DAVID LETTERMAN and CBS have agreed to a contract extension that will keep the Late Show on the air through 2015. In a statement, Letterman said: "Les (Moonves) and I had a lengthy discussion, and we both agreed that I needed a little more time to fully run the show into the ground."
Fox has renewed THE SIMPSONS for a record-extending 26th season. The show is already the longest-running scripted show in television history.
The news isn’t good for BETHENNY FRANKEL on the daytime talk show front as QUEEN LATIFAH’S ratings are averaging about a third higher than those for the former The Real Housewives of New York City star.
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD 2…
HALLE BERRY has signed on to star in Steven Spielberg's new serialized drama Extant. Berry will play an astronaut who returns home after a year-long solo mission in space and struggles to reconnect with her husband and son while also grappling with her experiences in space that that will ultimately change the course of human history. The show is set to debut next summer.
GRAVITY was the top movie over the weekend, but SANDRA BULLOCK wasn’t exactly their first choice to star in it. The part was originally written for Angelina Jolie, but she later backed out and Marion Cotillard, Scarlett Johansson, and Blake Lively were all linked to the movie before the role was offered to Natalie Portman. However, she passed on it and Bullock finally got the part.
Some BREAKING BAD fans chipped in and paid for Walter White's obituary in the Albuquerque newspaper. The obituary credited White as a co-founder of "Gray Matter" and said he had a "long battle with lung cancer, and died from a gunshot wound."In lieu of flowers, the obituary says donations can be made to a drug abuse prevention charity of your choice." The obituary even included a photo of Bryan Cranston, who played White. The paper says it sold out of copies and many are now selling on eBay.
MUSIC NOTES…
STING will guest star on The Michael J Fox Show. Sting will be playing himself in a holiday-themed episode later this year.
A Russian Islamic religious leader has called ELTON JOHN "the devil's work" and is calling for a boycott of his concerts in Moscow and Kazan in early December. The imam said Elton’s promotion of same-sex relations could be a Sodom and Gomorrah moment for Russia. Elton has said he’ll defend gay rights during his Russian tour, even though he risks a 15 day prison sentence and a $150 fine under Russian law.
KORN guitarist BRIAN "HEAD" WELCH tattooedthe Hebrew word "Shekhinah" on his eyelid. TMZ says it translates to mean God's presence on Earth.
FIONA APPLE had a bad night in Portland, Oregon last week. Near the end of her show, a woman yelled out, "Get healthy, we want to see you in 10 years!"Apple turned from the piano and said she was healthy and followed up with a swarm of expletives, prompting the house lights to be turned on. Another heckler shouted that she was a "has-been," and eventually, the first heckler was booted and Fiona finished the show. Fiona called the evening "a historically stupid night." Apple also called TMZ "turd-munching zombies," slamming its reports of her drug arrest last year and her subsequent attempts to explain the bust at her live shows.
ANNIE LENNOX went on Facebook to slam female pop stars for wearing next to nothing and gyrating in “overly sexualized performances.” Annie didn’t name names, but she was most likely looking atMiley Cyrus and Rihanna. Annie said, “It seems obvious that certain record companies are peddling highly styled pornography with musical accompaniment.” She added, “As long as there’s booty to make money out of, it will be bought and sold.”
MUSIC NOTES 2…
Video has surfaced showing BLUES TRAVELER harmonica man JOHN POPPERbarfing onstage after chugging some whisky. Apparently he’d been drinking throughout the show, but the last cup did him in, although he had an excuse…he says there was a bug in his cup! (See here)
MILEY CYRUS has revealed that she’s already working on the follow-up to Bangerz. Miley says, "Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but that's just because I have so much to say. I'm already at a different time than I was when I finished the record." Miley also said she plans to go on tour next year.
JUSTIN BIEBER released his new track "Heartbreaker" as part of his Music Mondays promotion. Bieber will release a new song every week for 10 weeks.Bieber said of the tune: "It's a song for people going through heartbreak—like I was when I wrote it." (Hear here)
LAURYN HILL has been released from prison after serving three months for tax evasion. Lauryn was released a little early for good behavior.
GRETCHEN WILSON will release her first holiday album, called Christmas In My Heart, tomorrow. The 10-song album will include traditional carols, holiday favorites and a few new tunes.
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Actress Stana Katic; animal expert Jack Hanna
CBS This Morning: Singer Kenny Rogers
Today:Miley Cyrus; author Elizabeth Smart; actor Tom Hanks; TV hosts John Colaneri and Anthony Carrino; ``Property Brothers.''
Kelly& Michael: Tom Hanks (``Captain Phillips''); swimmer Diana Nyad
The View: Guest co-host Matthew Dowd; journalist Diane Sawyer; Joan Jett & the Blackhearts perform
The Talk: Guest co-host Carnie Wilson; TV host Drew Carey; chef Jet Tila
Ellen: Julianne Moore (``Carrie''); Demi Lovato performs
Primetime:
ABC: Dancing with the Stars(Guest judge Julianne Hough) and Castle are new
CBS: How I Met Your Mother,Men, Two Broke Girls Mom and Hostages are new
Fox:Bones and Sleepy Hollow are new
NBC: The Voice and The Blacklist are new
CW: Hart of Dixie and Beauty and the Beast season premieres
TBS: Baseball with the Red Sox at Rays and Braves at Dodgers
ESPN:Football with the Jets at Falcons
Late Night:
Jay Leno:Drew Barrymore; actor D. L. Hughley; the Avett Brothers perform