Beautiful for life
Miss Chu Lai Sim, Simmy, Clinical Psychologist
“I am plump and ugly and my classmates all give me the cold shoulder. I will never be as popular as the pretty girl in my class!” Sau, who was 13, always fretted about her thick waist, stout legs, large dark circles under her eyes, wide face, bad teeth, coarse yellowish skin, and fluffy hair……She was always dissatisfied with her appearance and would moan about it all the time. To remedy these defects, she joined beauty and slimming therapies and spent hours dressing up every day, but the time and money she spent weren’t able to make her satisfied with her body shape and appearance. Instead, she became anxious and believed she needed even more skillful beautification and intensive therapies to fix her horribly flawed body. With time, she hated her appearance more and more and was deeply afraid of showing her “ugly” self-outside. She would lower her head when she was out, avoid eye contact and refuse to go to school or meet friends, which in turn locked her in a cage of anxiety and pessimism.
In all honesty, although Sau isn’t a gorgeous beauty, her appearance is fair enough that she shouldn’t be considered to be as hideous as she thinks. However, she always found her looks awkward, as if she was staring at her reflection in a distorting mirror. Based on her descriptions about her appearance, we can evidently see that her body image has been distorted. Body image is a part of self-image, and includes our own perception about our appearance and body shape. This portrayal of self is influenced by social culture, our growth experience, and the views of our family and friends. When Sau was little, she was always teased for having a round face, thus she always thought her appearance was ugly. During her secondary school years, like many other boys and girls, Sau began to pay more attention to her looks. During this time, she was also affected by the idea of “standard” beauty that was propagated by the mass media and her friends’ comments about how fat and ugly they were. The combination of these factors compelled Sau to think adversely of her own face and body. On the other hand, as she wasn’t popular in class like one fair-looking girl in her class, she became more convinced that others hated her appearance and so stayed away from her, without giving any consideration to other important factors such as her interpersonal and communication skills.
It is understandable for a person to dress up to some extent. But, if a person gets a relatively negative body image and it is associated with self-worth in such a way that the person believes a slim and beautiful body is essential to winning the respect of others, then this person may ultimately develop the same problem as Sau with a perpetual desire to change one’s appearance at the expense of living a normal life. Some people would even undergo repeated cosmetic surgeries or excessive dieting which sometimes leads to eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. Merely changing our appearance is of no help to improve our body image because our body image and self-image are usually unrelated to how we look in reality. In fact, we always see ladies of moderate figure complaining about being fat, or ladies of a flattering countenance complaining about their disastrous features. The smallest spot becomes colossal when one is unhappy with himself/herself.
To truly help Sau, one must make her understand that the crux of problem lies inside of her, not outside, and help her correct her distorted beliefs. She must understand that every individual is different and has a different body shape and personality, and she must learn to accept and appreciate her own traits and love her body. She also needs to understand that beauty is multi-dimensional, and that inner beauty is just as important as external beauty. Instead of judging people based on their appearances, she should try to recognize and appreciate inner qualities such as virtues and abilities. To get rid of the “chubby shadow” of herself and “be pretty” forever, she must build up a positive body image and self-image.
Note / This article is translated by a translation company from the corresponding original Chinese article in the Chinese section of this website. It is meant to be just an approximation of the original article for the benefit of readers who do not read Chinese.