Manager’s Corner

May 2016

“What a wonderful Month”

“Look for 4 mistakes in this part of the newsletter”.

Funny Mother’s Dayjokes

Laugh out loud with these funny Mother’s Day jokes.

Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning?
Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed.
Mom No. 1: How does that help?
Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there.

Submitted by Stephen C., Salem, Va.

Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, son.Why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!

Submitted by Mark R., Barrington, R.I.

Chris: Why is a computer so smart?
Mom: It listens to its motherboard.

Submitted by Christopher W., Gladwyne, Pa.

So: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

Submitted by Steven F. II, Naperville, Ill.

Sundy school teacher: Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?
Johnny: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook. Submitted by Matthew W. San Antonio,

Doug: I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.
Dan: How do you know?
Doug: She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.

Submitted by Doug D., Wellington, Fla

My mother, who has Alzheimer's and is in nursing care, called me one night to tell me she "just had the most wonderful shower" and she wanted to know "should she tip the man that gave her the shower?" I told her "only if she had a good time." lol. It was actually a woman that gave her the shower but with her bad eye sight, Mom thinks anyone with short hair is a man.....
- michfla317

My wife has Alzheimer's and I put some jewelry on her for a Christmas party. While waiting to leave, she took one of her bracelets off, I put it on, she took it off - neither of us saying much. This time picked it up and I set it on the table & informed her that she could not wear it. All was silent, then she quietly said - without looking at me - "you have got an attitude". I had to LOL!
- SAMSMAN

After turning down the covers and placing a nightly glass of water next to her side of the bed, my mother asked dad if he was coming to bed. His reply "Oh NO my wife would kill me! But thank you for offering" This happened after 10 years of her caring for him with Alzheimer's.
- jquinn7

My mother is a little peanut of a woman - barely 5 feet tall. For some reason all the exam tables in doctor's offices are way too high, but they still expect Mom to hike herself onto them. One day, a nurse was trying to help Mom and complimented her on her ability to get up on the table. Mom turned to her and said, "I'm little but I'm mighty." The nurse could not stop laughing.
- Lilliput

I was kneeling beside Mom's bed last night when she was saying her bedtime prayer. This night she prayed, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the LORD my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray he takes me like an earthquake." Instead of ...my soul to take. I said "what?" Mom laughed and said, "well, I couldn't remember the rest and ...well, it rhymed" ! ~ Amen!
- lighthouseido

Enjoy Cinco De Mayo

Funny Tale of a Lost Seenyour Citizen

Some funny stories

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'

He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'

I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'

He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'

Quotations Which May Make You Smile

Apparently this is a true story:
When WC Fields, the actor, was in his dotage he was seen to be reading the Bible by a close friend who demanded to know what he was looking for.
'Loopholes, dear boy, loopholes,' murmured Fields.

Some true stories from Scaregivers

  • My mother, who has Alzheimer's and is in nursing care, called me one night to tell me she "just had the most wonderful shower" and she wanted to know "should she tip the man that gave her the shower?" I told her "only if she had a good time." lol. It was actually a woman that gave her the shower but with her bad eye sight, Mom thinks anyone with short hair is a man.....
    - michfla317
  • My wife has Alzheimer's and I put some jewelry on her for a Christmas party. While waiting to leave, she took one of her bracelets off, I put it on, she took it off - neither of us saying much. This time picked it up and I set it on the table & informed her that she could not wear it. All was silent, then she quietly said - without looking at me - "you have got an attitude". I had to LOL!
    - SAMSMAN
  • After turning down the covers and placing a nightly glass of water next to her side of the bed, my mother asked dad if he was coming to bed. His reply "Oh NO my wife would kill me! But thank you for offering" This happened after 10 years of her caring for him with Alzheimer's.
    - jquinn7
  • My mother is a little peanut of a woman - barely 5 feet tall. For some reason all the exam tables in doctor's offices are way too high, but they still expect Mom to hike herself onto them. One day, a nurse was trying to help Mom and complimented her on her ability to get up on the table. Mom turned to her and said, "I'm little but I'm mighty." The nurse could not stop laughing.
    - Lilliput
  • I was kneeling beside Mom's bed last night when she was saying her bedtime prayer. This night she prayed, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the LORD my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray he takes me like an earthquake." Instead of ...my soul to take. I said "what?" Mom laughed and said, "well, I couldn't remember the rest and ...well, it rhymed" ! ~ Amen!
    - lighthouseido
  • Top 10 Senior Texting Codes
  • * ATD - At the Doctor's
  • * BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
  • * BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
  • * BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
  • * DWI - Driving While Incontinent
  • * FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
  • * FYI - Found Your Insulin
  • * LOL - Living on Lipitor
  • * ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
  • * TOT - Texting on Toilet
  • * WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
  • Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)

Old Flame?

Two elderly guests, Martin and Chris, attended a party given by a business associate to mark his daughter's engagement to a man she had been living with for three years, were grumbling about the decline in moral standards.

'All these people sleeping together before they're married,' Martin muttered indignantly. 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?'

'I don't know,' answered Chris thoughtfully. 'What was her maiden name?'

UPDATES:

As you are aware the windows are being installed in your apartments and it does prove to be a little inconvenient for all involved. As of today the windows are being installed on the 3rd floor. You will be notified the day before the contractors will be in your apartment between 3:30PM and 4:30PMby JD. Once the windows are installed I will be doing an inspection with the contractor to make sure there are no issues. If any additional work needs to be done to complete the installation you will be notified in writing of the day the contractor will again be in your apartment. During the inspection or additional visit YOU DO NOT have to leave your apartment.

Using your windows:

  • Leave your screens in the down position. The reason for the screens are to keep out the critters.
  • Do not place plastic over your windows at any time. It will cause damage to your windows.
  • Remember to close your windows before you leave your apartment in case of storms.
  • If you have plants on your window sills please place plastic or a water barrier on your window sills.
  • Open and close your windows from the center of the window

This is your home please remember:

  • Please pick up any trash (tissues, napkins, etc.) you may drop in the hallways, elevators, or on Amos Towers property
  • Do not feed the animals –This brings in many unwelcomed animals such as mice, skunks, ants and neighborhood animals
  • Please carry your dog in and out of the building. Pick up all feces from your dog. DO NOT PLACE IN OUR OUTSIDE TRASH CAN. Bag securely and put down the chute.

PLEASE REMEMBER if any of your visitors or guests are parked in the back parking lot at any time in any space or against the building the car will be towedat their expense. If the tow truck is in the process of towing there is still an expense to the owner of the car. DO NOT AT ANY TIME PARK IN THE BACK PARKING LOT!

PARKING IN THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING is limited to the far left of the canopy by the planters for 10 minutes only. Cars will be towed from under the canopy and the fire laneif they are parked there longer than 15 minutes. Parking is available on the street and there is no charge on weekends and Holiday and after 6:00 PM during weekdays.

“The cameras for the parking area are now being monitored on weekends. THE CARS WILL BE TOWED without any further notice.”

When you are scheduled for the bus for the grocery store or other stores and restaurants make sure you are down in the lobby or outside ½ hour before the scheduled pick up time. The bus will not wait for late arrivals.

A Special Thanks to All!!

Happy Mother’s Day

Until Next Month!!

Cathie