M4L 2013 Lesson 11:
What's the best way to face reality? Learn the Yin-Yang principle.
© Paul T. P. Wong
Viktor Frankl always emphasized that we live in reality, no matter how harsh it is. It is not helpful for us to be delusional and live in a dream world. It is obviously harmful for us to create our own hell and live in a fictional world full of demons and tormentors. Since we are rational beings, we can live with dignity, freedom, and autonomy regardless of circumstances. This is the main thrust of Frankl's logotherapy and Wong's meaning therapy.
To live in reality means to accept life as it is rather than as it should be. It also means to confront life in totality, both the dark and bright sides of human existence.
Life is a continuous series of problems and opportunities. The challenge confronting us is how to achieve our life goals by overcoming obstacles and making the best use of opportunities. This lesson focuses on how to manage our avoidance and approach tendencies in an adaptive way.
Generally, people tend to make two mistakes: some want to focus solely on the positive and ignore the negative side of the human condition; others focus only on the negative and ignore what's good and beautiful about life.
If we only accentuate the positive and ignore the negative, we may be defeated by our own foibles, because everyone has theirAchillesheel. By the same token, if we only focus on the negative, we may be paralyzed by excessive anxieties or crippled by the burden of too many worries.
The Yin-Yang way avoids these two extremes.
As the symbol shows, life is a balancing act between positives and negatives. In fact, each positive experience contains the seed of self-destruction; each negative contains the seed of personal growth. The Yin-Yang approach avoids the excesses of the pursuit of happiness and success, while allowing us to discover the potential benefits of negative experiences.
The dual-systems model represents a psychologist's attempt to translate the Yin-Yang principle into psychological processes. Simply put, the dual-systems model focuses on the interaction between our approach and avoidance tendencies, in order to yield the best possible outcome.
The PURE model represents a meaning-centered approach to developing what is good and right about us. This model emphasizes the four pillars of meaningful living (purpose, understanding, responsibility, and enjoyment), because the pursuit of meaning is most likely to bring out goodness in ourselves and in others.
The ABCDE intervention represents a meaning-centered approach to transforming what is hindering or troubling us. It captures the power of acceptance, belief, commitment, discovery, and evaluation/enjoyment.
Basically, life involves a series of approach-avoidance conflicts. In every situation, there are always two options: go or no go. If you choose to go ahead with your plan, you can rely on the PURE principle to ensure that you are pursuing something that is meaningful and worthwhile. However, in the process of goal striving, there are always bumps in the road or real obstacles. These setbacks will make you consider the other option of “no go”; this thought will trigger the ABCDE process to evaluate how to overcome the difficulty.
The ABCDE process might result in continuation of your initial goal striving, believing that the problem is solvable. Alternatively, the ABCDE process might lead to the conclusion that the original goal is not attainable and it is better to give up and switch to an alternative goal, thus restarting the approach process.
The continuous interactions between approach and avoidance represent a constant tension between Yin and Yang. Optimal functioning is possible when we do not invest all our energy in futile pursuit of an unrealistic and unattainable goal. Similarly, we would not be living fully if we gave up readily and spent most of our days in avoidance mode.
The dual-systems model enables us to embrace all of life and benefit from both positive and negative experiences. This Yin-Yang way reflects the Buddhist ideal of compassion and letting go; it is also consistent with the Christian teaching of loving our neighbours and accepting the troubles in this world.
In sum, the best way to face reality is to embrace both the negatives and positives in order to live a balanced and fully functional life. I invite all of you to come to this Meetup to find out how the Yin-Yang principle actually works in your life.
Resources
Please note that these resources range from academic papers to self-help blog postings; feel free to read whatever meets your needs. You are also welcome to suggest additional resources:
1)Wong's Positive Psychology 2.0 - Toward a balanced integrative model of the good life
2) Jeanne Segal's Bring your life into balance:http://www.helpguide.org/toolkit/emotional_health.htm
3) Schlossberg's Happiness is a balancing act:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/transitions-through-life/201111/happiness-is-balancing-act
4) The Story of the Taoist Farmer:http://livewellspace.com/2012/12/19/the-story-of-the-taoist-farmer/
Exercises
1) Count your blessings in a negative situation you currently experience.
2) Consider the hidden dangers of success when all your dreams are realized.
3) In everyday situations, how do you balance the positives and the negatives so that you feel good at the end of each day?