LESSON 9

MARRIAGE:

Intentional, Sacrificial Love

TEACHING AIM: Communicate the sacredness of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church, and present a vision of a healthy, God-honoring marriage.

WHY STUDY THIS LESSON: Christian marriage is sacred because it offers a picture of Christ and the church.

DESIRED OUTCOME: Help believers to see the sacredness of their marriage vows and to relate to their spouse in ways that honor God and their spouse.

Background Passage: Ephesians 5:1-6:9

Focal Passage: Ephesians 5:21-33

  • Imitators of God (vv. 19-21)
  • Filled with the Spirit (vv. 22-24)
  • A Word to Wives
  • Husbands Love Your Wives (vv. 25-31)
  • Better Together (vv. 32-33)

Memory Verse: To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband (Eph. 5:33).

PREPARING TO TEACH

After reading the background and Focal Passages, write the phrase, This mystery is profound, from Ephesians 5:32 in the margin of your Venture In Travelogue (p. 90). Write in one sentence what this phrase means to you as a description of biblical marriage.

Read the Memory Verse aloud. Reflect on the commandment that the husband is to love his wife and the wife is to respect her husband. Use an online or hard copy commentary or Bible dictionary to research the meanings of “love” and “respect” as applied to this verse. Write a one-sentence summary for each word.

Develop your teaching plan with awareness that the makeup of your group will be a major factor in the direction your plan takes.

  • If your group is made up of married adults, plan knowing that everyone in the group has a perspective on marriage based on experience.
  • If the group is primarily never-married singles, the approach may be more on the values they are seeking if they do marry.
  • If the group is made up of married men or married women, the study may deal more with gender roles in marriage.
  • Divorced adults may need to be challenged to put past failures behind them and focus on biblical teachings about marriage.
  • Some widowed adults may hope to marry again while others do not.

Your planning will need to take these differences into consideration.

Above all, organize your teaching plan around the concept that Christian marriage is sacred because it offers a picture of Christ and the church. Through all activities seek to present a picture of a healthy, God-honoring marriage.

TEACHING SUGGESTIONS

A PROFOUND MYSTERY

Lead the group to brainstorm characteristics of a healthy, God-honoring marriage. Record responses on the marker board or a tear sheet. Review and discuss as needed.

Ask: Would you rather have a marriage based on romance and roses or a mutual commitment to the hard work of a healthy relationship? Call on volunteers to respond with their choice and the reason behind it.

Point out that the challenge of building a healthy, God-honoring marriage can be made greater by a society that devalues marriage. Call on volunteers to identify from their responses in the Travelogue (p. 90) examples of ways our culture devalues marriage.

Discuss ways marriage can be over-romanticized and identify problems that may occur in a marriage when the husband and/or wife have an over-romanticized view of marriage.

Emphasize the importance of believers having a clear understanding of what the Bible teaches about marriage.

IMITATORS OF GOD

Call on a volunteer to read aloud Ephesians 5:1-2. Display on the marker board or a tear sheet the following three phrases from this passage: imitators of God, dearly loved children, and walk in love. Take one phrase at a time and lead the group to brainstorm ways believers 1) can be imitators of God, 2) the significance of understanding they are dearly loved children, and 3) actions that illustrate walking in love. Then lead them to identify at least two ways each phrase applies to a biblical marriage.

Teaching Option

Instead of discussing the three phrases as a group, create three teams and assign each team one of the three phrases from Ephesians 5:1-2. Ask each team to create a word picture to illustrate the meaning of the phrase as applied to biblical marriage.

Ask adults to read silently Ephesians 5:19-21 and be prepared to describe the meaning of submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Ask: What are some negative connotations to the idea of submitting to another person? What are some benefits of submitting to one another in the fear of Christ?

Discuss ways mutual submission of the husband and wife to each other can strengthen their relationship.

FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT

Ask adults to read silently Ephesians 5:22-24 from their Bibles. As group members are reading, write these statements on the marker board or a tear sheet: Identify one phrase you disagree with or feel you need a greater understanding about. Identify one phrase you strongly agree with.

After adults have read the verses, ask these questions (Travelogue, pp. 92-93): Without giving a “Sunday school answer,” what is your first reaction to these verses? Based on Paul’s point here, where does our power for a godly marriage come from? Call on volunteers to identify their answers to the first statement on the marker board or tear sheet. Follow the same process for the next statement.
Emphasize the point from the Travelogue (p. 93) that Paul was speaking about a marriage between two believers. The same was true of John in John 14:17, 27. Both emphasized their teachings applied to a relationship in which both husband and wife were filled with the Holy Spirit.

Point out that a marriage that honors God requires believers who have accepted Christ as Savior, who rely on Him to strengthen their relationships, and allow the Holy Spirit to empower them for a healthy relationship with their spouse, family, and friends.

Allow time for any questions about the key points of the lesson so far and/or personal issues related to the passage.

A WORD TO WIVES

Ask adults to review Ephesians 5:21 where Paul admonished husbands and wives to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. Ask: Why does our culture resist the idea of submission? In addition to marriage, what occupations or settings require submission to someone or something?

Read aloud the following sentence from the Travelogue (p. 94): You surrender some of your independence for a greater good. Discuss examples of greater good as applied to marriage. Call on volunteers to identify ways a wife might need to submit to her husband for the greater good of their marriage.

Ask these Travelogue questions (p. 94): Based on these verses, what is a wife’s role in marriage? How is this an important picture of the way the church serves Christ?

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES

Call on a volunteer to read aloud Ephesians 5:25-31. Draw from the Travelogue (pp. 94-95) to overview ways this passage, especially the command for a husband to love his wife, was radical for the time.

Discuss ways a husband may treat his wife if he loves her as His own body. Ask: If all husbands followed the mandate in these verses, what could be the impact on the exploding problem of domestic violence?

Discuss the meaning of the sentence in verse 28, He who loves his wife loves himself. Ask: Why is this important?

Call attention to the phrase, the two will become one flesh as it applies to marriage and also to Christ and His bride, the church. Ask: How is this important, both for marriage and the church?

Choose one of the life situations below or create another more relevant to your group to further discuss biblical roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives.

Life Situations for Husbands and Wives

Choose one and discuss in light of Paul’s teaching about gender roles in marriage.

1) Shortly after their marriage, Donna noticed a distinct change in the way her husband related to her. Carl had become very direct in telling Donna what to do, what to wear, and how she should behave. When she questioned him about the change, Carl said he was only trying to carry out his role as head of the house. What Scriptures might help this couple to resolve their differences?

2) During premarital counseling, Marie and Joe discovered their parents’ marriages were quite different from each other and so they were approaching their marriage from different perspectives. Marie’s mother had always worked outside the home while Joe’s mom had been a full-time wife and mother. How might Marie and Joe talk about these and other differences? Why is that discussion important before marriage?

3) Bill and Jackie had been married 52 years when Jackie suffered a paralyzing stroke. Bill suddenly found himself facing tasks Jackie had always done—preparing meals, doing laundry, and managing the household. He was determined to stand by Jackie as a loving and dutiful husband, but he didn’t know where to turn for help. What should he do?

Teaching Option

Instead of discussing one of the life situations, invite a couple who have been married many years and whose marriage reflects biblical teachings to visit the class. Ask each to share one characteristic of their marriage they believe has contributed to its longevity. Allow a brief time for questions.

______

BETTER TOGETHER

Read aloud Ephesians 5:32-33. Ask: Why do you think, especially in light of the culture of the time, Paul commanded wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives? If not mentioned, suggest men often offer respect more easily and women love more easily. Suggest that Paul may have emphasized the action that would be most difficult for each spouse.

Call on volunteers to identify their responses to the Travelogue question (p. 96) about specific ways marriage bears witness to Christ’s love for His church.

BIBLICAL MARRIAGE STILL MATTERS

Ask adults to turn to p. 97 in the Travelogue where three truths about biblical marriage are presented. Briefly review each statement. Discuss especially holiness versus happiness in the first statement, falling in love versus choosing to love in the second, and, in the third statement, making your marriage a picture of what God can do when He is the center of a relationship.

A GOOD PLACE TO START

Briefly review the three stages of marriage described on pp. 97-98 of the Travelogue. Begin by explaining the principle, Wherever you are is a good place to start.

Ask adults to reflect individually on their response to the Travelogue question (p. 98): Which of these three stages best describes you and why? For any who had not done so earlier, ask them to identify the current stage of their marriage, if married. (Do not call for oral responses.)

Call attention to the Travelogue quote (p. 98) from a wife being interviewed about the longevity of her marriage: We were born in a time when if something was broken you would fix it, not throw it away. Discuss the significance of her statement in today’s world.

Conclusion

Distribute to each adult the following list of seven traits that separate good marriages from great ones (from an online article by Dave Willis: patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/7-traits-that-separate-good-marriages-from-great-marriages).

Seven traits of great marriages:

  1. Great marriages always have contentment but never have complacency.
  2. Great marriages don’t have any secrets.
  3. Great marriages don’t have an “Exit Strategy.”
  4. Great marriages prioritize fun.
  5. Great marriages keep an optimistic outlook.
  6. Great marriages don’t live on leftovers.
  7. Great marriages have a foundation of faith.

Ask adults to reflect individually on this list and identify one trait they believe is a strength of their marriage and one that needs attention. Encourage them to share the list with their spouse as it applies to their marriage. If time permits, encourage adults to share other statements they would add to the list.

Close the session by asking adults, married and single, to pray silently asking God to help them value marriage as God intended.

Follow Through

  • In your weekly communication with group members, urge those who are married to schedule a time to talk with their spouse about the current state of their marriage and actions they can take to strengthen it. Suggest that those who are single, divorced, or widowed review key truths from the lesson they want to prioritize in a future marriage or to share with a friend or family member.
  • Pray for group members, especially any who are struggling in their marriage or seriously considering marriage.