Healing Sentences

Healing Sentences are the language of the Soul. They are simple, expressed truth, and acknowledge what is. The power of the healing sentences lies in their simplicity as they move us from the story and opinion to simply stating what is undeniable. Over the years, collectively and individually, facilitators of Family Constellations have developed standard healing sentences that have been proven to have a healing effect. However, at times, the “Knowing Field” informs us and provides us with the appropriate sentence.

There is a world of difference between the practice of psychodrama and the use of healing sentences within Family Constellations. The basis of this work is simple truth and acknowledging what is, whereas psychodrama much like psychotherapy tends towards creating and becoming stuck in stories which often ignore the simple truths, creating a view of reality that is neither helpful nor healing.

The important role of healing sentences cannot be underestimated.

Unlike traditional forms of therapy Family Constellations look at the bare facts and is event-orientated.In other words we ask “What happened?” rather than “How do you feel?”

When working with individuals within the context of Family Constellations, we do not need to know, nor is it desirable to know, the personalities of the individuals being represented. Statements like “my brother was the favorite” or “my mother was controlling” or “my father was distant” do not support the use of representatives within the “Knowing Field”nor does it provide a true picture of any given family or situation.

Instead, we ask about events and the known facts of the family such as

the early death of parents and grandparents
the death of an infant or someone young
accidental deaths and murders
abortions, miscarriages and stillbirths
adoptions
anyone who has been forced into the role of black sheep or is considered to be the black sheep of the family
war experiences
the experiences of ancestorsas in the American Civil War, Anglo-Boer War, Apartheid, the Holocaust, the Pogroms, Native American and Australian Aboriginal Genocide, African Slavery and the Diaspora, WWII and other wars
divorces
previous significant relationships such as former spouse or first love
ill-gotten gain

Here are some typical healing sentences that have been observed to create a healing movement within clients and their family system:

On early death of a sibling:

“It’s a great pity you couldn’t stay because I’ve missed you”
“Look upon me kindly if I stay”
“Bless me if I live life fully in honor of you”
“Wait patiently for me, I shall come when it’s my time and not one moment before”

Parents to children when an infant has died:

“It was so difficult when you left; I could no longer look at you”
“Now that we’ve given a place to your brother, once more we can see you”

In the case of divorce:

“It’s a pity that things went the way they did. I take all that was good between us and give it a place in my heart”
“I honor the part of you that I see alive in our children”
“I honor the part of your father that I see alive in you dear son, and it is good to see”
“Thank you for the gift of our children; without you, I would not have this blessing”
“It’s a great pity things went the way they did, because I loved you very much”
“Whatever happened between us, leave it with us. It has nothing to do with you, and together we are still the parents”
“Thank you for the gift of our children, I honor the part of you I see alive in them”

Early Death of a Parent

Emotional Incest (when a parent has their primary emotional relationship with one of their children)

Sexual Abuse and Incest:

“I allowed it out of love for you”
“You are still my brother, no matter what
“Yes, I love my father very much and I miss him
“No matter what happened, you remain my father and I remain your daughter

Adoption:

“Dear brother, it is such a pity that you had to leave because I’ve missed you deeply
“I take you fully as my brother and give you a place in my heart.

Abortion:

Miscarriages & Stillbirths:

“I take you as my son and give you a place in my heart”
“This is your brother, the first-born; he has his place”
“It’s a great pity that you couldn’t stay, because we’ve missed you. We take you as our brother”
“Dear brother, although you did not live, I shall live my life fully in honour of you. Wait patiently for me, for one day we shall be together when it is my proper time”
“Smile upon me kindly and bless all that I have”

Death of child:

“We mourn together”

Early death/first love:

“I couldn’t avoid it. It was my fate”
“Dear mother and grandmother, yours was a difficult fate. Respectfully, I leave it with you”
“I’ve carried your sadness out of love for you”

Domestic Violence:

“When I hit you, love is destroyed...and I am deeply sorry for that. I carry the consequences of my actions in my heart”
“Real men are gentle with their sons”

Trans-generational guilt/abuse:

“This guilt is mine, all of it. I alone carry the consequences. Leave it with me”
“I respectfully leave it with you” (and bow the head)
“Yours was a difficult fate. I shall now live my life fully in honor of you. I give you a place in my heart”
“I see that your burden of guilt is heavy. I respect the difficult fate you have chosen for yourself”
“We are a strong people and we have survived”
“We have endured great suffering and yet we gave you life. Because of our endurance, you live!”

“When we reject what is, we reject ourselves. When we reject what was, we reject life itself.”

“Dear …., it is a pity that you left so early, because we’ve all missed you”
“Dear …., even though you died so young, please smile upon me kindly as I live my life fully”
“Dear …., you were once forgotten, I now take you fully as my …, and give you a place in my heart”
“Dear …., although you suffered greatly, I will live my life fully in honour of you”
“Dear …, one day we shall be together. I shall come when it is my proper time, and not one moment before. Smile upon me kindly if I stay”
“I give you place in my heart”
“I take the guilt on myself; you don’t need to carry it. It’s mine”
“I respect/acknowledge you as my father/mother. No matter what you did, you are still my mother/father”
“I honour you are your death”
“I give you place in my heart as a big/small brother/sister”
“Please look me in a friendly way if I continue to live”
“I honour your pain and your and the loss of your brother

“I honour you and your fate”
“Please look kindly on me if I get involved with a man/women”
“You are big and I am small”
“I respect and honour you and all that you carry”
“You are my father/mother. Life has come to me through you. This is the greatest gift possible and I thank you”
“I take this life with everything it entails”
“I take this life even at the price it has cost you”
“And what I couldn't get from you, I thankfully take from others”
“What happens between us as your parents, it’s our business and we will take care of it. You are only a child”
“I carry you in my belly for nine months and gave birth to you”
“I am carrying something from my family history and it has nothing to do with you”
“Your relationship with women belongs to you and I leave it with you”
“You abused me and you are still my father/mother”
“It is your burden to carry, not mine and I let go of it now”
“Please be kind to me and look friendly on me”
“I am part of you and I need your blessing please dad/mum”
“It has been difficult at time, but we are strong people”
“I let you go with love”
“I am the big one and you are the small one. I give and you take”
“It would please me if you live well and do a bit better than I did”
“I am not allowing that to touch me”
“I am blocking off all my feelings”
“I am angry with you”
“I criticize you for having abandoned me”
“I feel very hurt for what you did”
“I am feeling aggressive”
“I won’t allow myself to let you in”
“I do the same thing that you do”
“Thank you for my life but I still blame you”
“I wish we were closer”
“I don’t want to look at you”
“I am only your husband /wife, not your mother or father”