Be Your Best Self!
Five Powerful Habits of a
Mentally Strong Person
by Paul Melinte
Copyright © 2015 Paul Melinte
Table of Contents
A Word about Me
Introduction
The nature of habits
Being a mentally strong person
How this book can help you
Chapter 1
Habit 1 / Actively engage in daily positive self-talk
Using inner dialogue to start and stay with a new habit
Exercise 1: Imagining the elephant
Exercise 2: Triggering positive thoughts
Exercise 3: Meditation
Chapter 2
Habit 2 / Invest time and effort into gaining clarity
What do I want?
Why do I want it?
What are my options?
What will I do?
Chapter 3
Habit 3 / Stick with one primary goal at a time
Chapter 4
Habit 4 / Take time to relax and train your mind
Chapter 5
Habit 5 / Constantly be aware of, and manage, your emotions
Conclusion
A Word about Me
Before you readthis ebook, I’d like to tell you a few things about myself.
I was born on February 5, 1985, in a little village in Romania.
Romania is a picturesque country in the southeast of Europe, but compared to most western countries, is quite poor and undeveloped, especially in the rustic regions.
As a child I was quite shy and began spending a lot of time reading books.
I started with novels, and then moved on to psychology books, astrology,esotericism, business books, political analysis articles, self development, psychiatry, and so on. I actually read everything that crossed my path and that piqued my curiosity, especially if the book was related in some wayto subjects like personal evolution, the future, money, and offered either uncommon or general knowledge.
Not having anyone in my life, either as a child or as an adult, who would share their interests and passions with me, I oftenavoided telling people what I was actually thinking. I was afraid they’d see me as a weird individual. Ironically, that ended up happening anyway because, unfortunately, reading books or ebookswas not such a popular habit in my village (especially among children).
At school I handled myself quite well and was one of the top pupils in my class. But the truth is that I was completely bored with most of my classes (often due to the teachers) and in those classes I never gave my all. In contrast, when I really liked a class, I worked to my fullest capacities and got the highest grades.
After finishing highschool, I didn’t have enough money to attend a good university, nor did I have any idea what I wanted to do with my life. So I chose to get a job and I worked in a variety of places until 2010. That’s when I quit my last job, which was with the Romanian Army.
Since 2010, I have been working only for me, and there are more details about that within this book!
It has already beentwelve years since I finished highschool, and I’ve taken my life seriously as an adult. I’ve experienced a great deal during this period of my life and I’ve had a significant number of life lessons, which you’ll learn about in the chapters you are about to read.
If I could give you one piece of advice for reading this ebook, or about reading in general, it would be this:
“Don’t EVER forget that the main role of education is not to fill your headwith new information; it’s to bring about beneficial changes in your life, helping you think and act in better ways, compared to how you thought and acted previously.”
I sincerely hope this ebook will make this happen for you.
Yours,
Paul Melinte
Introduction
There are 24 hours in a day and365 days in most years. This is true for all of us, whether we are performing at ourpeak or struggling to survive. We are all given the same amount of time to live out our lives.
But you’ve probably wondered why some people are able to achieve in one lifetime what others can’t achieve in a thousand lifetimes. Maybe you are one of those people whose life seems to be drifting along slowly, and you haven’t seen much progress toward your goals.
If that’s true, you might ask yourself: What is the difference between my life and the life of someone who has accomplished a great deal? The answer is simple, and all you need to do is start to look more deeply into yourself and your actions.
Think about it: What were your main activities yesterday? What were they a day or two before?
Now think about what you expect to do tomorrow or in the next few days. Looking at this closely, you will notice that a great deal of your life takes place in the form of automatic behaviors that you “rehearse” or repeat daily, or almost daily.
Stop and look closely at your habits!
Now think about all the dreams you’ve had; the ways you have hoped to make the most of your life. Ask yourself honestly: Am I living my dreams? Do I really want my life to look just like it looks now?
Probably not. I’m guessing there are a few things you would change about your current lifestyle, no matter how well things are going.
Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be reading this ebook.
So what can you change about yourself in order to live the life of your dreams? I believe that examining and working with your habitsis the most powerful action you can take. And there are five powerful habits in particular thatcan help you to become a mentally strong person—the kind of person who is most likely to accomplish what you really want to accomplish.
I’ll be discussing more about this in a moment, but first let’s look a little more closely into the nature of habits.
The nature of habits
The first step in changing your life is to realize that you are the sum of your habits. Much of your life, as you probably realized from the little exerciseabove, is carried out in daily repetitive behaviors.
People often point to concepts like willpower or talent to explain both the success of others and their own failure (or rather their lack of action), but the truth is that willpower and talent are overrated.
Talent is not the subject of this book, but if you want to discover more about it, the bookTalent Is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin, contains many fascinating studies and explanations.
However, let’s talk about willpower.Have you ever seen top performers (in any field) working hard and meeting challenges, day in and day out, without really liking or loving the work they are doing?
I certainly haven’t. Instead, I have noticed that top performers are always verypassionate about what they do, sometimes to the point that others consider them freaks, or mad, or crazy. They overcome obstacles, easily doing things that seem difficult to others. They have developed habits that allow them to perform in this way.
Importantly, these people seem quite disciplined, working in a steady and calculated way (this concept is called “deliberate practice”) in order to become more proficient.
Why do I say,“these people seemquite disciplined”instead of, “these people are quite disciplined”?
I say it because it has become increasingly harder to achieve our goals based on willpower and discipline alone.Ourattention is often disrupted by a variety of external factors. The very technology that we use on a daily basis has the side effect of weakening our “attention muscles.”
These days, we have smartphones, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, and many other applications and devices,all “screaming” at us to engage with the Internet or divert our attention in other ways.
As Nicholas Carr explains in hisexcellent book The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, humanityhas started onto a pathfrom which it will probably never return.
In today’s world, attention is rare, and people have a hard time concentrating on a single task,especially if it’s a difficult one.The only activities that we can performeasily are the ones wehave managed to turn into habits.
Once you realize that a set of good habits can take you anywhere you want to go, and that their lack can lead to disaster, your life will never be the same again! When more and more people realize this, businesses will be based on this concept, which will give birth to a veritable industry around our habits.It will be a real revolution that will change the world we live in.
When people understand that we can use our minds to develop as many habits as we want, without too much effort, I believe they won’t be willing toreturn to the life they led until then.People will see how much they can achieve if they developsuitable habits, there will be no limit to humanity’s imagination, and the world in which we live will truly flourish.
These changes have already started to happen, because I am seeing increasing numbers of people who strive to master their habits.
Unfortunately, there are still many people who believe that nothing is possible without hard work, and this makes them blind to the powerofhabits,which could ease their lives considerably.
The right habits are the key to open the treasure chests of our imaginations and the locked-up solutions to all our problems!
The only problem with habits is that we can’t developall of them at the same time. This is precisely why I propose that youbegin with the first fivehabits of mentally strong people. Only after you have integratedthese into your life will it be time to move on to the next ones (learn more on
Being a mentally strong person
One of the most constant universal truths is that people who are the happiest, who cope with stressful situations better, and who have the greatest achievements, are mentally strong people.
To be mentally strong, you need to learn how to manage your emotions, thoughts, and habits in ways that set you up for success in life.
Those who learn to do these things are the people who willlead their communities, and possibly even the world, to new levels. The truth is, it’s the people who are best able to “lead” themselves (efficiently managing their emotions, thoughts, and habits) who are most able to lead others.
Writing this, I can’t help wondering how good it would have been if I knew people like thisearlier.
When I was about 14 years old I started dreaming about whatit would be like to bean important man;a man who brings a significant contribution to the world in which he lives. I wanted to be a leader.
I was well motivated and well intended, but unfortunately,I didn’t know the importance ofhabits. At about 20 years old, I was broke and had a shitty job.What did I do to get out of this situation, except to complain? Absolutely nothing!
Although Ihad a lot of free time, allI did was worry about how I’dpay the bills, I played silly games on the computer, and I watchedTVor read the tabloids.
The result: myhead was filled with nonsense,unimportantthings, and negative ideas that were of no use.
I was on the bottom of apit, but instead of trying to get out ofit, all I did was complain about how hard life waswhile I continued to deepen that hole through my behaviors and thoughts. Pretty silly, huh?
The child who used to dream about leading the world, and who was determined to do so,was becoming a young adult without hope. I did not yet understand the importance of having the right people around to support me and help me grow.As a result, I left my faith in myself to chance and to the much-less-than-brilliant community I lived in.
However,miracles do happen. I eventually managed to learn some very important things with the help of some books that Iborrowed, and I promised myself that when the time was right, I would do anything to help othersin the same situation.
That’s why you are reading these lines today.
My message to you is:
“It’s possible. You can do it, too!”
How this book can help you
If I managed to get out of the morass I was swimming in, I am sure that anyonecan do the same.
Let’s review. Your life is largely built on habits. Mentally strong people have developed habits that differentiate them from others and that set themselves up for success. And the secret of a fulfilled and prosperous life is mastering those habits.
Mastering your habits is not as hard as it sounds, especially if you have an easy-to-understand guide that you can follow, such as this book.
By reading this book, and acting on what you read, you will learn which habits will help you to become a positive person, a person who attracts positive experiences. And when you are faced with difficulties, you’ll be capable of dealing with them with a smile.That’s because you will have learned that tough experiences strengthen us; that is the only reason why we have to endure them.
Now, don’t worry that I’ll stop with just telling you what the habits are. This book is going to show you, step by step, what you need to do to integrate these habits into your life.
If you fully develop them all, I guarantee that your life will change so much for the better that the result is going to feelalmost unreal.
And you won’t be the only one who will notice these changes. From my own experience, I can tell you that the people around you will noticethe differencein you. Whether they admire you or envy you, they will find it hard to believe how much you have changed, and they’ll respect you for it (even if some might not want to admit it!).
After reading this short book and taking the actions I recommend, you will:
•learn how to think like a champion;
•learn how to easily achieve dreams that formerly seemed impossible;
•become more relaxed;
•feel like a master of your life;
•learn how to create more time for yourself and for your own pleasure;
•be able to activatepositive habits in your life and let go ofthe badhabits that now torment you; and
•be able to overcome every difficulty you encounter with a smile, and move forward feeling stronger with each experience.
There’s no time to lose, so let’s get started!
Chapter 1
Habit 1 / Actively engage indaily positive self-talk
It is often said that our lives reflect an average of the qualities of the five closest people we surround ourselves with.If you accept that idea, as I do, it’s important to remember: the person you spend the most time with is yourself.
I’m not saying that those five people aren’t important, but that little voice in your headcan be a powerful positive influence.
For a majority of people, the inner voice is just an echo of the most significant voices in their lives. But a mentally strong personis one who understands that the real power springs from inside; the interior voice is authentic to you and you alone, and it can be more than a mere echo.
Acting on this, youcan be a true force of nature.
If youwant to become mentally strong, you have to work daily at positive inner dialogue, until youreach the point where this dialogue will work in your favor at all times.
This means you have tostay ontrack (“get out of your way”). This is the thinking of a true champion.
Using inner dialogueto start and stay with a new habit
When I decided to change my life after that low point at age 20, I wanted to be sure that I would be doing it right. Not only did I observe, test, and analyze my own and other people’s habits, but I also wanted to know what scientists say about habit building. So I read a variety of books, articles, and studies. One very important fact emerged from all this research:Reward is one of the most significant parts of creating a new habit.
In the absence of adequate rewards, habits are usually not created;and if the reward startsdisappearing, the habit will also disappear.
Here’s a key fact, though:Positive inner dialogue is, in many situations, the only or most important part of the reward.Even when other elements of the reward are quite important, inner dialogue appears to have the most impact on habit formation.
Let’s look at an example.
Trigger: You want to buy a new car, but you know that with your current salary you can’t afford it.
Possible Actions: You may get another job, increase your salary, renegotiate the price of the car, etc.
Reward: You get the car you dreamed about.
Now, what is going to cause you to take similar actions the next time you decide you want something? Is the car itself going to change your behavior to that extent? No, it’s the inner positive dialogue (such as “Did you see that? Anything is possible when you truly want it!” or“Well done,dude, you’re the best!” and so forth) that will set you up for further successes.