English King Enthusiastic About Chances of Conquering France

English King enthusiastic about chances of conquering France

By Michael Glastonbury

26 October 2017

Yesterday, our young King Harry managed to defeat the French army in a forest just outside the French town of Agincourt. Although this battle had been expected for months, its results were quite shocking, as no one imagined that it would be fought at such great odds, or that it would be such a monumental victory. The Duke of Exeter said that although he was confident, he did not expect the battle to be as successful as it was.

“We were all prepared for the fight. The King even gave a great emotional speech just before the battle. However, we were expecting merely to hold them off. We were certainly not expecting to destroy the French army en masse,” said the Duke.

Indeed, the numbers do seem to defy expectations. While there is no official estimate, experts at the scene believe the French army to have numbered about 25-30 thousand soldiers, while the English army had nearly 6 thousand soldiers, mostly archers. The French casualties are believed to be over 10 thousand, nearly half of their force. To make matters worse for them, many of those casualties are nobility, including their battle leader Duke D’alencon. The English army escaped rather light, with casualty estimates being 350-500 men, many of them boys from the baggage train.

On the French side, there are accusations of blame in all directions. The Duke of Orleans feels certain that he would have done a better job than D’alencon. “D’Alencon was a fine commander, but this battle was in Orleans, and he would have benefitted from my local knowledge of the area had he been willing to listen,” said the Duke of Orleans.

Others have pointed out that it could be the impetuous unsupported cavalry charge at the beginning of the battle. Many French soldiers are upset at the Italian crossbowmen, claiming that they were an inadequate response to the English archers. Some are even blaming the weather. One local Frenchman put it clearly, “It had rained the night before, and we marched nearly a mile through some rough mud. It was the kind of mud that pulls your boots right off your feet, so naturally, by the time we got to the English line, we were already in bad shape,” said Gaston Villein, Sergeant-at-Arms.

Of course, King Harry is extremely pleased with the results of the battle, and claims that this is just the beginning, and that he is far from finished. “When we began this thing, we were debating how far to go with it before launching a second campaign next year. However, this victory speeds up the timetable. S0, we’ll take advantage of this opportunity to press further into France,” said King Henry the 5th.

Although the British are enthusiastic, there is some controversy. Some of the French are accusing the English of massacring captured soldiers. On the other side, King Henry is claiming that any prisoners who were killed occurred after a French force attacked the wagon train, killing many of the young boys following the army.

Still, in spite of these setbacks, the King has said that he is going to push on until he reaches Paris. He says he intends to be ruler of both France and England, or at the very least, establish a mutual lineage for the two thrones (rumor being that he intends to marry Princesses Katherine).

Charles the Sixth could not be reached for a comment.