First impressions and the likelihood of friendship
When you go to a conference where you know no-one, do you just wander up to the first person you see or do you do your homework, have a good look at the delegate list and plan who you speak to and, indeed sit next to? Well, recent research tells us whether or not it matters.
I saw a movie recently where a bunch of aging friends go on one last road trip together across the wastelands of the Mid West on Harley Davidsons. It’s rather like a reunion of old University pals that I attend. Fact is that we don’t own motor bikes; tend to meet up in the wastelands of Berkshire, and just stay put in a comfy hotel.
The point is that all six of us met on the very first day of University as Freshers and have remained firm friends ever since. And that’s despite sharing a flat in Newcastle for three years with all the inherent squabbling and subsequent deep resentment over things like cooking rotas and washing your smalls in the sink. A habit I’ve now managed to kick.
Our children think it’s amazing that our friendships formed on the very first day of University should last for more than thirty years. But is it so unusual? A recent study gives us the answer. Dr Mitja Back subjected brand new psychology students to a nerve-wracking first day. At their introductory session students were told to sit randomly. Then each fretting Fresher had to introduce themselves from the podium. Immediately after their presentation everyone else was asked to rate that person on two scales: how much they liked them and whether they would like to get to know them more.
The results showed that people liked - and wanted to be friends with - the people who they initially sat next to.. Fairly understandable.However,the most interesting results were revealed one year later when the students were well settled into the course, had mixed extensively with other students, and knew each other much better. Surely that first day when the lecturer tortured them with random seat allocations, public introductions and instant judgments can't still influence their friendships?
It absolutely did. Even after one year, students who sat on the same row as each other on that very first day liked each other better. And for those who sat right next to each other the level of liking was even higher. Why should this be? Well perhaps when we’re put in a brand new social environment we’re anxious to make a connection with someone. Any one. And when we find someone to talk to - an island of acceptance in a sea of strangers - we’re so relieved that we’re more likely to form a lasting bond.
So in the future, if you go to a conference where you know no-one, be selective about whom you first introduce yourself to. Choose who you want to be with. You may be with them for a very long time…
Philip Hesketh is a professional speaker on the psychology of persuasion and author of the Amazon number one best selling book, ‘Life’s A Game So Fix The Odds’
Philip Hesketh ~