Chapter 3 Writing Improvement Exercises

REVISING SENTENCES

  1. When McDonald’s tested pizza, Pizza Hut fought back. With aggressive ads ridiculing McPizza.
  2. Companies sometimes sue their rivals they also may respond with counterattacks.
  3. Aggressive advertisements can backfire that’s why marketing directors consider them carefully.
  4. Although Tim Hortons is the country’s number one doughnut chain. Robin’s is popular in western Canada.
  5. About half of Swiss Chalet’s outlets make deliveries, the others concentrate on walk-in customers.

EMPHASIS

  1. Which is more emphatic?
  2. We need a faster, more efficient distribution system.
  3. We need a better distribution system.
  4. Which is more emphatic?
  5. Increased advertising would improve sales.
  6. Adding $50,000 in advertising would double our sales.
  7. Which is more emphatic?
  8. The committee was powerless to act.
  9. The committee was unable to take action.
  10. Which sentence puts more emphasis on product loyalty?
  11. Product loyalty is the primary motivation for advertising.
  12. The primary motivation for advertising is loyalty to the product, although other purposes are also served.
  13. Which sentence places more emphasis on the seminar?
  14. An executive training seminar that starts June 1 will include four candidates.
  15. Four candidates will be able to participate in an executive training seminar that we feel will provide a valuable learning experience.
  16. Which sentence puts more emphasis on the date?
  17. The deadline is December 30 for applications for overseas jobs.
  18. December 30 is the deadline for applications for overseas jobs.
  19. Which is less emphatic?
  20. Lily Takahashi said that her financial status had worsened.
  21. Lily Takahashi said that she had lost her job and owed $2000.
  22. Which sentence de-emphasizes the credit refusal?
  23. We are unable to grant you credit at this time, but we will reconsider your application later.
  24. Although we welcome your cash business, we are unable to offer you credit at this time; but we will be happy to reconsider your application later.
  25. Which sentence gives more emphasis to judgement?
  26. He has many admirable qualities, but most important is his good judgment.
  27. He has many admirable qualities, including good judgment and patience.

  1. Which is more emphatic?
  2. Three departments are involved: (1) Legal, (2) Accounting, and (3) Distribution.
  3. Three departments are involved:
  4. Legal
  5. Accounting
  6. Distribution

ACTIVE VOICE VERBS

  1. Initial figures for the bid were submitted before the June 1 deadline.
  2. New spices and cooking techniques were tried by Lick’s to improve its hamburgers.
  3. Substantial sums of money were earned by employees who enrolled early in our stock option plan.
  4. A significant financial commitment has been made by us to ensure that our customers can take advantage of our discount pricing.

PASSIVE-VOICE VERBS

  1. Andreas made a computational error in the report.
  2. We cannot ship your order for 10 monitors until June 15.
  3. The government first issued a warning regarding the use of this pesticide over 15 months ago.
  4. We will notify immediately if we make any changes in your travel arrangements.
  5. We cannot allow a cash refund unless you provide a receipt.

PARALLELISM

  1. (Hint: Match verbs.) Some of our priorities include linking employee compensation to performance, keeping administrative costs down, the expansion of computer use, and the improvement of performance review skills of supervisors.
  2. (Hint: Match active voice of verbs.) Yin Huang, of the Red River office, will now supervisor our Western Division; and the Eastern Division will be supervised by our Ottawa office manager, David Ali.
  3. (Hint: Match nouns) Word processing software is used extensively in the fields of health care, by lawyers, by secretaries in insurance firms, for scripts in the entertainment industry, and in the banking field.
  4. If you have decided to cancel our service, please cut your credit card in half, and the card pieces should be returned to us.
  5. We need more laboratory space, additional personnel is required, and we also need much more capital.
  6. The application for a grant asks for this information: funds required for employee salaries, how much we expect to spend on equipment, and what is the length of the project.
  7. To lease a car is more expensive than buying one.
  8. To use the copier, insert your account card, the paper trays must be loaded, indicate the number of copies needed, and your original sheet should be inserted through the feeder.

SENTENCE UNITY

  1. (Dangling modifier) To open a money market account, a deposit of $3000 is required.
  2. (Mixed construction) The reason why Ms. Rutulis is unable to travel extensively is because she has family responsibilities.
  3. (Misplaced modifier) Identification passes must be worn at all times in offices and production facilities showing the employee’s picture.
  4. (Misplaced modifier|) The editor-in-chief’s rules were to be observed by all staff members, no matter how silly they seemed.

  1. (Imprecise sentence) The business was started by two engineers, and these owners worked in a garage, which eventually grew into a million-dollar operation.

COHERENCE

  1. Our computerized file includes all customer data. It provides space for name, address, and other vital information. It has an area for comments. The area for comments comes in handy. It requires more time and careful keyboarding, though.
  2. No one likes to turn out poor products. We began highlighting recurring problems. Employees make a special effort to be more careful in doing their work right the first time. It doesn’t have to be returned to them for corrections.
  3. Service was less than perfect for many months. We lacked certain intangibles. We didn’t have the customer-specific data that we needed. We made the mistake of removing all localized, person-to-person coverage. We are returning to decentralized customer contacts.

ADPROPage 1 of 62009-02-27