REFLECTION

We are called to live in Vincentian Friendship…

…but does “Bullying” happen in your Conference?

We begin every Conference meeting requestingthe Holy Spirit to come upon us, silently reflecting on the words of Jesus: “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Mt.18:20) and praying: “Lord Jesus deepen our Vincentian spirit of friendship during this meeting…”

But, in spite of our prayers and good intentions, there appears to be an increasing incidence of members of the Society using “bullying” tactics to intimidate and to control the meeting in order to get what they want.

Perhaps it is time for us to name it and to develop the moral courage to confront “bullying” in order to live in Vincentian Friendship, and thus becoming true followers of St. Vincent, St. Louise, Bl. Frederic and Bl. Rosalie Rendu.

Let us take time to reflect and pray on the gift of our Vincentian Vocation, especially our call to Vincentian Friendship.

Our Call to Vincentian Friendship

In Scripture, Jesus tells us:

“I give you a new commandment: Love one another; such as my love has been for you, so must your love be for each other. This is how all will know you for mydisciples: your love for one another.” (John 13: 34-35)

The Rule, our inspiration and guide, tells us:

“Vincentians are called to journey together towards holiness….They grow more perfectin love by expressingcompassionate love to the poorand one another.Their journey together towards holiness is primarily made through:

  • Attending the meeting of the Conference or Council, where shared fraternal spirituality is a source of inspiration.” (Rule 2.2)

“Meetings are held in a spirit of fraternity, simplicity and Christian joy.”

(Rule 3.4)

In our Conference meetings, let us ponder and reflect:

  • As disciples of Jesus, do we truly love one another?
  • Are allowing Jesus to really be in our midst?
  • Is our Vincentian spirit of friendship growing deeper or disappearing?
  • Is our fraternal sharing a time of inspiration or a time of scandal?
  • Do we find joy or do we come home depressed?

Does “Bullying happen in your Conference?

What is Bullying?

Repeatedly using position or personality to intimidate others, typically to force them to do what one wants.

When does Bullying happen?

In order to intimidate andcontrol, bullies repeatedly use:

  • Non-verbal signs
  • Sarcastic put-downs
  • Exclusion
  • Invading personal space
  • Accusing/blaming
  • Yelling/shouting
  • Mockery/Public ridicule

Who are Bullies?

  • Bullies are often insecure, domineering and they

believe their point of view is correct and absolute.

  • We can assume they are good people at heart.
  • We often feel too afraid, uncomfortable or inadequate to confront them.
  • We must love them enough to speak up.
  • We have a spiritual responsibility to them, to ourselves and to the Society.

Why should we confront bullying?

  • Bullying destroys the Vincentian heart and soul.
  • Bullying scandalizes members and chases them away.
  • Bullying robs the members of the joy of their Vincentian vocation.
  • Bullying will continue if not challenged.

OUR CALL TO VINCENTIAN FRIENDSHIP

When Bullying appears to be occurring in aConference Meeting, it is important forsomeone to intervene. It is preferable that this be the President or Spiritual Advisor, but if they’re doing the bullying or are unwilling to confront the situation, someone else should have the moral courage to do so, by using the following process:

1. Stop the discussion with something like:

I’d like to interrupt the discussion for a moment and ask all of us to consider whether this conversation reflects the spirit of Jesus or the intentions of Blessed Frederic. Let’s start by joining in a short prayer.

2. Praytogether:

The Our Father/Hail Mary

Repeat the Opening Prayer.

Or some other prayer.

3. Challenge members to reflect on how the conversation or meeting might

different if:

Jesus was really “in our midst.”

Vincent or Frederic was present at the table?

4. Sharewhat can we do to live our VincentianFriendship with greater integrity?

5. Concludeby praying the words of Scripture together:

“Never let evil talk pass your lips; say onlythe goodthings all need to hear, things that will really helpthem…Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger,harsh words,slander,and malice of every kind.In place of them, be kind to one another, compassionate, mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.” Amen (Ephesians 4: 29-32)

In gratitude to John Heithaus, St. Louis Council, for his Vincentian heart and moral courage in confronting the issue of Bullying