What happens at a humanist wedding?
Age 7-11
Summary of lesson:
Students will explore what happens at a humanist wedding and why many non-religious people feel the need for a personal and meaningful occasion to mark their marriage. Watching a montage of images from humanist weddings, students will discuss what they see and explore different ways non-religious couples might choose to symbolise their love. They will also compare and contrast photos and vows from humanist and religious weddings, looking for similarities and differences. Using what they have learned about humanist weddings, they will write questions a humanist celebrant might want to ask of a humanist couple to help them prepare for their wedding and the answers the couple might give.
Lesson:
Starter:
Spot the difference: Give each student a different wedding picture so one student has picture of a humanist wedding and the other has a picture of a church wedding. Ask each student to describe the picture to their partner without showing their partner the picture. What things can they find that are the same? What things can they find that are different?
Then ask the students to reveal their pictures. Show the pictures on the board and continue looking for similarities and differences. Older students could create a Venn diagram. Make sure that you are clear that not all humanist or church weddings look exactly the same.
Ask if the students have ever been to a wedding or civil partnership ceremony. What happened?
Ask the students what they already know about marriages or civil partnerships.
Ask why people might decide to get married. Do couples have to get married?
Show and explain the key beliefs of humanists:
· Human beings are special and human life is valuable
· Humanists don’t believe in a god, or believe we can never know if there is a god
· Humanists don’t believe there is any evidence for an afterlife and believe we should therefore make the most of this life
· Human beings should try to live full and happy lives and help others do the same
Explain that marriage or civil partnership is the formal and legal union of two people as partners in a relationship. Many non-religious people in England and Wales get married in a register office and this is necessary to make the marriage legally binding. Many, however, want and feel the need for something more personal and meaningful and so arrange a humanist wedding ceremony. Explain why humanists might get married (and that some choose not to), what might happen at a humanist wedding, and what types of people might have a humanist wedding (see the teachers’ notes).
Film:
Explain to students that they are going to look at some more images of humanist weddings.
Show the questions on the slide for the children to think about while they watch the film and hand out the question sheet for them to fill in. After the film, discuss what they saw and any questions they have.
Questions:
1) What feelings do you think people have? (Write down as many feelings as you can think of)
2) What promises do you think are being made?
3) What locations can you see?
4) What do you think about these weddings might be meaningful to the couple?
5) What is similar to and what is different from religious weddings?
6) What questions do you have about humanist weddings?
Activity 1:
Explain that couples are encouraged to write their own vows at a humanist wedding.
Show the students two different wedding vows: one from a humanist wedding and one from a Christian wedding. Check the understanding of any vocabulary. Ask the students to find words and promises that are the same. Ask the students to find words and promises that are different. Ask them what promises they think are important for married couples to make to each other.
Explain why the fact humanists don’t believe in a god or gods means that the love and support of other people is so important to them (see the teachers’ notes).
Activity 2:
Explain that there are no special rules, traditions, or symbols at a humanist wedding. Each wedding is personal and unique. Some humanists like the idea of symbolising their love for each other by performing actions to represent their union (e.g. handfasting, lighting candles, mixing coloured sand). However, others feel no such symbolic action is necessary. Be clear that these symbols are not present in all humanist weddings.
Show students pictures of rituals and symbols that might be incorporated into a humanist wedding (handfasting, candles, sand, truce bell). Challenge the students to explain what is happening in the picture without using the words underneath the picture (e.g. ribbon, sand). Then ask the students how they think the objects might be used at a wedding. Ask them what they think they might symbolise or represent (e.g. the unity of two into one). Which do they like best? Which one do they think is the most meaningful?
Independent work:
Remind the students that a humanist wedding is a personal and meaningful occasion for a couple.
Ask the students to imagine they are a humanist celebrant, helping a humanist couple to plan their wedding day. Using the wedding planning template, ask them to make a list of questions they would want to ask the couple before the wedding day to help them ensure their ceremony is meaningful to them. What information is it important for the couple to think about? How could they find out what the couple wants to happen and what they want to say? Show some example questions on the slide if necessary.
Questions that could be asked include:
· Why do you want to get married?
· What is special about this person?
· What would you like to do on your special day? (guests, symbols, readings, music, events)
· What promises do you plan to make to each other?
· What makes your relationship work?
· How will you work to keep your relationship strong?
Then ask students to think about how a humanist couple might answer each of the questions and write their answers.
Alternative or extension independent work:
· Ask students to write their own personal vows / promises.
· Show the students some selected comments from humanist celebrants’ speeches and discuss their meaning (see Humanist Perspectives: Celebrations and Ceremonies). Ask students to write a humanist celebrant’s speech.
· Ask the students to write a best man / woman’s speech. What would they promise their friend?
Plenary:
Read out some of the students’ questions and answers. Ask the students whether, using what they have learned, they feel the couple is ready to get married, and how a humanist celebrant might help them to make their wedding ceremony meaningful.
Finish by asking students what questions they would want to ask a humanist about Humanism.
Extension activities:
· Alphabet activity: Ask students to think of words connected with weddings beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Then ask them to underline which are only features of a religious wedding. Then ask them to circle those which features they feel are the most important.
· Dictionary activity: Ask students to use a dictionary to find the difference in meaning between the following words: vow, promise, intention, and aspiration.
· Ask students to look at the list of wedding statements. Ask students if they could apply to a religious wedding, a humanist wedding, or both. Older students could work in groups and pull these statements out of a hat and sort them into a Venn diagram.
· Debate whether or not humanist marriages should be legally recognised: see the Humanist perspective: Celebrations and ceremonies for more information.
Teachers’ Notes:
A marriage and a wedding are not the same thing. Marriage or civil partnership is the legal union of two people as partners in a relationship. Many non-religious people get married in a register office and this is necessary in England and Wales to make the marriage legally binding (by law no religious language is allowed in this kind of civil wedding). However, many people find the experience of a register office does not meet their need for a personal and meaningful ceremony and want to do more. A humanist wedding ceremony provides this opportunity for non-religious couples. These ceremonies are often crafted over a long period of time. They are serious but joyful events and many couples feel it is their humanist wedding that is their ‘real’ marriage. A ceremony is a rite of passage that marks the transition from one stage of life to another. They are more than just a celebration. A humanist wedding can be held wherever the couple likes and they are encouraged to write their own promises to each other. They can be as formal or informal as they wish. There are no special rules or traditions, nor any set pattern or script, making each ceremony unique. Some humanists like the idea of symbolising their love for each other by performing actions to represent their union (e.g. handfasting, lighting candles, mixing coloured sand). However, others feel no such symbolic action is necessary.
Humanist weddings are becoming increasingly popular among the non-religious. In England there are more humanist weddings than there are of any non-Christian religions. In Scotland, where humanist marriages have held legal status since 2005, there are more humanist marriages than Roman Catholic or Church of Scotland marriages.
Some people believe that there is a god or are gods who love us and will help take care of us throughout our lives. Humanists do not believe in gods or are at least are uncertain if they exist. Therefore they believe we need the love of other people, particularly family and friends, to help us in life. For humanists, the love, commitment, and support of our family and friends is really important. We have a responsibility to take care of each other. The decision of a couple to agree to love and support each other, and take on the responsibility for each other’s welfare is therefore something humanists value and celebrate. They also recognise the importance of friends and family to support them in their marriage. Humanist weddings will therefore often focus on these ideas.
While not all humanists choose to have such celebrations, the British Humanist Association helps non-religious people who want to have a ceremony by providing booklets, ideas, and celebrants. A celebrant will work with the couple to create a ceremony that reflects who the couple really are, what they mean to each other, and what words they want to use to build the foundations of their marriage. They will also lead the ceremony on the day. Humanist celebrants will conduct weddings for couples who have been married to other people before, for couples from different faiths (who can share in the personal, non-religious content), and for same-sex couples. (Same-sex marriage was legalised in the UK, with the exception of Northern Ireland, in 2014). For humanists the most important thing is that the two people love each other and have decided to offer their commitment and support to each other. Humanists believe that both men and women should make their own choice about whom they are going to marry and be happy with that choice. They also believe that both parties should enjoy an equal status in a marriage: it must be cooperative venture.
Many humanists approve of the idea of marriage; many others believe that marriage is not an essential feature of a good relationship. These humanists therefore approve of cohabitation (unmarried couples living together). Humanists believe that couples should think carefully before making the decision to get married: it is not a commitment that should be entered into lightly. However, they do not believe that marriage is ‘sacred’ and recognise that some relationships fail. Most humanists would like to see married couples try to work through any problems in their relationship. However, because humanists think human beings should consider the consequences of their actions and aim to minimise suffering, they see divorce as acceptable if it reduces overall unhappiness. They accept that people can make mistakes.
British Humanist Association ©2016