1
What’sthePluralof Nemesis, Anyway?
HIGH ABOVE THE cavernous glass roof of ThePoison Gardens,thecrimsonskiesofPandemoniumswirled lazilyoverthecity.Insidethegreenhouse,thespikedblack branches of the Nemesis Tree swooped and darted like krakententaclessearchingforships.Thesapoozingfrom theTree’strunkwasbrightyellowandsmelleduncannily ofmouldytrainers.Anycreatureunluckyenoughtoget tooclosewouldbesweptupbeforebeingslowlycrushed todeath.
IknewallthisbecauseIwashangingupsidedownfrom thetreetop.
Andthebranchesroundmyankleswerereallystarting topinch.
Asmallcrowdhadgatheredbelow.Theygapedupat me,open-mouthed.InthemiddlestoodMrFrumble,my biologyteacher.MrFrumblewasarotund,jolly-looking demonwithbluehorns,blueskin,andabluebowtie.That
jolliness did not extend to his personality.
‘Jinx D’Evil, you calamitous, cack-handed carbuncle!
How the devil did you get up there?’ he thundered.
It’shardtoshrugwhenyou’reupside-down.‘Badluck?’I mumbled,tryingnottodribbleontomyhorns.
I never did have much luck on field trips.
Thatmorning,beforewe’dtroopedofftheschoolbus, Frumblehadpointedthreateninglyatus.‘Don’ttouch anything unless I say so, and whatever you do, don’tgo
neartheNemesisTree.It’sthelastofitskindinHellanda protected species. Also, it’ll eatyou for breakfast.’
The busload of red-skinned, black-winged twelve-year- olds muttered vaguely back at him.
‘Butincaseofemergency,youallhavetheantidotesyou madelastweek,right?’
Wedutifullywavedthevialsofliquidwe’dpreparedin thepreviouslesson.Myeyesgrewwide.Oh,brimstone. Purple.Theywereallpurple.Mine,ontheotherhand,was asludgybrown.Ohwell,itwasn’tlikelyI’dhavetouseit.
Frumbleclankedopenthebusdoor.‘OK,followme.I thinkyou’llfindThePoisonGardensbotheducationaland exciting.’
Ilookeddownpastmydanglingarms.Frumble’seyes werenearlypoppingoutofhisblueface.Idon’tthinkhe’d expected quite this level ofexcitement.
Bythispointmywholeclasswasthere,everytinyhorned figureholleringandjeeringupatme.I’dneverexactlybeen popular.Twovoicescackledlouderthantherest–Benny andArael,thedemonswho’dthoughtitwouldbefunny totripmejustaswewerewalkingpasttheTree.TheTree wasnotmyonlynemesis.Itriedtodribbleintheirgeneral direction.
‘Waterfalls, Jinx,’ yelled Arael. ‘Think waterfalls. And
lakes, and dripping showers, and splashing waves.’
Oh,brilliant.NowIneededtopee.JustwhenIthought things couldn’t get anyworse.
Another spiked Nemesis branch snaked towards me. That was worse.
Did I mention I hate field trips?
Myeyeswerewateringandmyheadfeltlikeitwas abouttoexplode.Aloneteardroprandownmybrowand plopped to theground.
‘Aw, crying for Daddy, are we?’ sneered Benny.
I decided if I fell to my death I would aim for him.
‘Usetheantidote,D’Evil!’shoutedupanincreasingly panicked-lookingFrumble.
Theantidote.Yep.Right.Theantidotewhichwasmeant tobeswallowedifyouwerebittenbyagrabbersnutchplant, orspikedbyaverlinderpetal.Notasaweaponagainst somethingwhichcouldactuallypickyouupandeatyou.
Butsincenooneseemedtobecomingtomyrescuewith achainsaw,Ididn’thavemuchchoice.
Ireachedupintomy–thankfullyzipped–jacketpocket, grabbedthevialandyankedthelidoff.Anevilsmellwafted out.Ugh.Well,maybeitwouldstartletheTreeenoughfor ittoloosenitsgriponmyankles.Itookadeepbreathand flungthebrownmixtureintothenearestbranches.
Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Brilliant. Now what?
The Tree shrieked.
OK, that was surprising.
Itshriekedagain,andthebranchesholdingmeshook. Then,beforemyeyes,theNemesisTreebegantochange. Spikesshrivelledanddroppedoff,andthecolourofthe barkturnedfrominkyblacktohealthybrown.
Then little pink flowers burst out everywhere. ‘What in Lucifer’s name...?’ squawked Mr Frumble.
Thebranchesholdingmeweresuddenlysmoothand flowery, and smellingof...bubblegum?
Ohno.I’dreallydoneitthistime.TheNemesiswasno longeramonstrousbringerofdeath.I’dturnedthemost eviltreeinHellGood.
Butwhocared?Iwassaved!Iwouldlivetoseemy thirteenthbirthdayafterall.Abroadgrinspreadacrossmy face.IwassorelievedIforgotIwasstillfiftyfeetupinthe air.
Untilthetree,whichwasnowhumminggentlytoitself, droppedme.
Uhoh.Flyingwassonotmystrongsuit.Iflappedmywings frantically,roseafootintotheair,thenwentintoatailspinand whirleddown,anddown...andlandedwithacrunch.
Ontopofablue-skinned,blue-horneddemonwearing abowtie.
‘D’Evil!’hebellowed.‘Iamgoingtoskinyouandmake youintoahandbag!Ahandbag,doyouhearme?’
So much for being happy to be alive.