/ Tips for Helping Siblings Adjust
to the Birth of a New Baby
Ann Kellams, M.D.
  • Be Open and Honest...this is not just a "new baby", but another child, a baby brother or sister. Avoid "why" discussions; you may not ever be able to convince them this was a good idea!
  • Warn them that babies aren't that "fun" at first: sleeping, crying, eating all the time, lots of diaper changes, etc.They may be expecting an instant playmate.
  • Do not tell them that this is something "for them". They may decide quickly they don't want that kind of "gift" after a while!
  • Let them express their feelings. You can expect some hot and cold feelings about the new baby: "You could keep her at your office, Daddy" could be re-phrased as "Wow, it is hard having a new baby move into the house”.
  • Do set up rules about being "gentle," only holding the baby with help, washing hands first, etc. (You cannot demand that they love each other, but you can demand that they treat each other decently).
  • Check-out some books at the library to read in preparation.
  • Let the older child be a part of the preparation for the new baby.
  • Do not leave the new baby unsupervised with the sibling. Don't rely on their judgment and self-control to be appropriate; take that burden off of them.
  • Arrange for someone familiar to keep the sibling while you are away– try to keep things as "normal" as possible, preferably at their home. Let the child know ahead of time what the plans are.
  • When the child comes to visit at the hospital (as soon as possible after delivery), have the baby out of the room or somewhere in the corner and concentrate on having a "reunion" with the parents first.
  • Have some toys or treats for the sibling in celebration of this event, to pull out when others come with gifts for the baby. The new baby can even give the sibling a gift!
  • Let the older sibling "help" bring the baby home from the hospital and show him or her the house.
  • Practice with doll babies, holding, diapers, being gentle, etc.
  • Say one "nice" thing about the sibling for every "cute", "sweet" thing said about the baby.
  • Prepare new sleeping arrangements long before the arrival of a new baby so the baby is not "invading" space or taking away special places.
  • Praise the sibling for all of the things that she is able to do that the baby can't (like potty training, etc).
  • Expect some regression in skills already achieved and behavior.
  • If both kids are wanting you at the same time, tend to the older sibling first (this is the one who will remember). Even say "Just a minute_____, your big brother needs me".
  • Use the baby's facial expressions, etc. to let the sibling know the baby likes him or her. “See how she is looking at you and smiling at you?
    She loves you!"
  • Moms: Don’t fall into the trap of always being the one who is with the new baby. Make an effort, even if it is 15 minutes, to have special time and duties with the older sibling. Pass the baby off to someone else!
  • Have a place for the older child's "special" things that the baby can't touch.
  • Get out the baby pictures of the sibling: “You were tiny once, just like ______".
  • Finally, resist the urge to compare!!! Resist the urge to say "You're a big girl (or boy)"; they still need to feel like a child who is safe and protected and loved even if they are older and more independent.