CCNSolutions: Words of Wisdom, 9—Heartfelt WisdomPage 1
CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES
THE WEEK OF JULY 27, 2009
Words of Wisdom, 9:
Heartfelt Wisdom
Featuring
Dr. John Townsend
Psychologist
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
author of How People Grow
I. Being heart-smart
You have permission to take care of your heart
“I lost my heart”
Guarding your heart is being a good steward
An example of non-self care
II. Guarding the heart: “good in, bad out”
• Taking in good things: the things you need
God’s love and leading
Support and care from other people
• Grace / • Empathy / • Validation• Acceptance / • Encouragement
• Protecting ourselves from toxic issues, people, and situations
Emotional unavailability
Condemning and criticizing
Controlling
Guarding the heart means saying no to those things
“That’s not okay” / “That’s not appropriate / “No”“That’s not me” / “That’s wrong”
You are defined by your “no”
Guard against guiltifying messages
III. Aspects of guarding your heart
“Am I the healthiest person I can be to do the best purpose I am to be about?”
Am I supported, or isolated, or being sucked down or toxified?
Deal with innocent intrusions and unhealthy intrusions
Innocent intrusions
Unhealthy intrusions
Be able to contain the anger and disappointment of other people, in small doses
Putting limits on the anger that we hear
Begin to become emotionally present
In real time, be present enough to say “Ouch!”
Separate love from need
People it’s not okay to need:
People without
Toxic people
The 80-20 Principle
Give your 80% to the 80% who are doing well
IV. Obstacles to being heart-smart
• Guilt
• Fear of abandonment
V. Skills
• Take ownership of the fact that only you can do this
• Get a life team
• Begin to look at the ratio of self-care vs. other-care
“NFHA”
• Develop an observing ego
Next time on Solutions: Best of Solutions
It’s Not My Fault, 1: “You Can Own Your Own Life”
Resources
Leadership Beyond Reason
by Dr. John Townsend
Ultimate Leadership
One-week intensive
Executive coaching
Sponsored In Part By:
New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental and spiritual health issues.
Contact Information
Visit CCN on the web at
CCNSolutions: Words of Wisdom, 9—Heartfelt WisdomPage 1
Dr. John Townsend
Cloud-Townsend Resources
18092 Sky Park South, Suite A
Irvine, CA 92614
Phone: 800-676-4673
Web:
Church Communication Network
PO Box 1718
Mountain View, CA 94042
Phone: 800-321-6781
Fax: 650-745-0660
Email:
Web:
Visit CCN on the web at