August, 2007 Elmhurst Christian Reformed Church 630.279.5516
My mother died last week Monday, August 6, 2007 at 7:00 am in Ingalls Memorial Hospital with my brother, Rich, at her side. She slipped quietly and peacefully from her life on this earth to her new home in the other life.
My other brother, Carl, described her life and death in a unique way at her funeral luncheon. He reminisced about how our mother labored to birth each of her children into this world, how she worked hard to feed us, clothe us, make life enjoyable for us, and most of all how she labored to instruct us and lead us into a life of faith.
Some time over the past years, our roles reversed and we, her children, began laboring with and for her. Gradually we began helping her with finances, shopping, cooking, transportation, medical decisions, etc. We walked with her
through every transition – home to hospital to rehab to home to hospital to my brother’s house to hospital to nursing home to Assisted Living, etc. Near the end we helped bathe her, clothe her, and feed her.
But even more than that, we labored to instruct her, lead her, and walk with her in her life of faith. You see, there was a period of time when my mother struggled with deep depression after a significant stroke. During this time, she lost her assurance of salvation. Because her relationship with God was so important to her, this caused an agonizing sense of loss, hopelessness and fear. There was no joy in life for her. When my mother failed physically – it was difficult, but when she failed spiritually and emotionally, it was agonizing. My brothers and I tried everything we could to help her. We read scripture and prayed for her and with her, we arranged for counseling and tried anti-depressants, we tried reminding and convincing her that salvation is not dependent on works (something she had pounded into our heads since we were children). Just like a pregnant, laboring mother, we worked, we sweat, we pushed, we cried, and we waited. Many times it seemed like we were talking to a brick wall, but gradually over time, the cloud lifted and slowly the rays of God’s grace began to shine through.
On Sunday afternoon, the day before she died, she calmly told her me that she didn’t think she was going to live long. I asked her what she thought about that and she answered, “We are not here on this earth to live forever.” We talked about how the sufferings of this time can’t be compared with the glory that waits for us. (Romans 8: 18) I asked her if she still had the lack of assurance of salvation that she had after her stroke. She answered quietly, calmly, and honestly, “Once in a while”. I said, “It’s a good thing our salvation isn’t dependent on our faith” and she answered emphatically, “No, it depends on the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ”.
For the next 12 hours, mom’s condition gradually deteriorated, evidencing itself mostly in fluid buildup in the lungs and difficulty breathing. It was like she was drowning. But through it all, she never once was panicky or anxious. She never complained. She patiently waited for the end. At this point, she was like a helpless baby, waiting in the birth canal for that final deliverance into life. Sitting near her bedside that entire night, I labored hard. I assisted with the suctioning, I begged for medication to keep her comfortable, I paced, I drank coffee and ate candy bars, I prayed, “Lord, just make her heart stop”, I waited and waited, I tried to pray, but didn’t have words, I read Romans 8: 26-27.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.
And finally, she slipped quietly out of that birth canal called earthly life and into the most glorious, light en-blazened, awesome, majestic, joy-filled, and intimate presence of God.
And Jesus said, “Welcome to Our World!”
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (doubts, fears) can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 37-39
P.S. Clyde and I went with my brother and his wife to their church Sunday morning. They had a guest pastor. He preached from Romans 8.
It’s Yours for the Asking!
One of the ministries of the parish nurse program is to help families and individuals navigate their way through the maze of aging issues, options, choices and decisions. Thirteen years of experience in dealing with the elderly and their families, plus personal experience with parents who have died with/of cancer, Alzheimer’s Disease, and strokes and heart disease, have equipped me to be able to give support and advice during these challenging times. I am available to meet with individuals and/or families in my office or in homes or any other designated place. This service is free and unique to our church and community.
Five Wishes
Five Wishes is the first living will that talks about your personal, emotional and spiritual needs as well as your medical wishes. It gives you a way to control something very important – how you are treated if you get seriously ill. It’s an easy-to- complete form that lets you say exactly what you want. It lets you choose the person you want to make health care decisions for you if you are not able to make them for yourself.
It was written with the help of The American Bar Association’s Commission on the Legal Problems of the Elderly, and the nation’s leading experts in end-of-life care. Once the form is completed and properly signed it is valid under the laws of 36 states (includes Illinois, but not Indiana).
I completed this form with my mother in April, 2005. Little did I know at that time, how useful and meaningful it would become. The last of the five wishes proved especially helpful. That wish asks questions like: How do you want to be remembered? What kind of memorial service do you want? Do you want to be a donor? Where do you want to be buried?
Talking about this prior to any medical emergency and when a person is of sound mind, opens the way for serious and meaningful communication. There are free copies available in the parish nurse office.