NIRVANA
1. INT. CANTEEN
A WORKMATE JOINS TWO COLLEAGUES
Maggie
Arwight you two? What’s new?
Helen
Nothin’ much. The gaffers been on my back about quotas…oh actually Frank, tell Maggie your news.
Frank
Och naw, I don’t like to say…
Maggie
Ooh, come on, just tell me! I’m aw intrigued noo!
Frank
Och it’s nothin’ excitin’…
Helen
Nothing exciting he says. He’s only gone and achieved Nirvana!
Maggie
Have you Frank? Have you really achieved Nirvana, the serene inner peace frees you from emotions like lust, anger or craving?
SHORT PAUSE
Frank
Aye, ah huv aye…
NIRVANA
Maggie
Aw that’s great Frank! You’ve been trying ages for that haven’t you? Oh, we should have a night oot tae celebrate!
Helen
Oh that’s a great idea! Do you fancy that Frank?
Frank
I’m no bothered to be honest….
Maggie
Course you’re no’. That’ll be the Nirvana eh? He’ll no be bothered about anything noo. That must feel great.
Frank
Aye, s’awright, you know?
Helen
Some things must bother you though Frank. I mean what if I do this?
HELEN SCUDS FRANK ACROSS THE JAW
Frank
Naw, ah’m minted. I just feel a slight sense of sympathy for the inner turmoil I see in you, ken?
Maggie
Surely this must annoy you Frank.
MAGGIE GRABS FRANK’S CHEEKS AND START WAGGLING HIS FACE. FRANK LOOKS SLIGHTLY ANNOYED.
NIRVANA
Frank
Naw, sorry. Mine is the liberated mind that no longer clings.
MAGGIE AND HELEN BOTH GET EITHER SIDE OF FRANK AND START SHOWING HIM FROM SIDE TO SIDE
Helen
Naw I’m no’ buying it. This has to be annoying.
EVENTUALLY FRANK GETS MORE AND MORE ANNOYED BEFORE RISING IN A RAGE.
Frank
Right! That’s enough, lemme alaine! Yeas have pure ruined it, yeas huv ruined Nirvana fur me! There! Ur yeas happy?
FRANK STORMS OFF
Maggie
Oooh! Awright touchy!
Helen
Here Maggie I think Frank’s needin’ tae “enlighten” up a bit eh? Ye gettit? Ye gettit?
ENDS
(ENDS)