01/17/06 - Posted from the Daily Record Newsroom

01/17/06-PostedfromtheDailyRecordnewsroom

BOBKARP/DAILYRECORD
AnneGillerofRockawayTownshipleftheradministrativemanagerjobfiveyearsagotooperateanorganicfarm.Shesoondiscoveredwhatmanysinglefarmersknow--it'sdifficulttofindadatingpartnerwillingtoplaysecondfiddletothedemandsofthefarm.

Single,butnotalone:Farmerstoobusyforlove

SomeinMorrissaydemandsofthefarmmakeblue-ribbonromancesdifficult

BYLAURABRUNO DAILYRECORD

AnneGillerneverhadtroublegettingdatesbefore.Anattractive,smartwomanwithakeensenseofhumor,Gillerdidn'timaginethatfollowingherlife'sdreamwouldleaveherinadatingdrought.

Fiveyearsago,GillerleftherjobasanadministrativemanageratafuelsupplycompanytopursuerunninganorganicfarminRockawayTownship.

Shesoonfoundoutthesuburbanhavenforfamilieswithyoungchildrenwasn'tconducivetodating.

Mostofherclientsaremothers.

"Themajorityofpeopleinsuburbiahaveahouseandafamilyinitalready,"Gillersays."MostofthemenImeetarealreadytaken."

Whilecityfolkfinddatingaminefieldofcomplicationsandangst,America'ssinglefarmerscanbeattheirworsttaleofwoe.Trytraveling200miles,round-trip,foradance.Orbreakingadateonaccountofasicksteer.

Singlefarmers,maleandfemale,fromsuburbanNewJerseytotheKansasplains,sayit'sincreasinglydifficulttofindsomeonewillingtoplaysecondfiddletothedemandsofafarm.It'shardsellingalifeofisolation,timeconstraintsandeconomicuncertainty.Plus,thepoolofavailablemateskeepsshrinking.

"Thereisalackoftime...Ihave8billionchildrentowatchover,"Gillersays,referringtothemanyfruit,vegetable,herbandflowerplantsshegrows.

Single-handedlyrunningDégagéGardens,Gillerkeepsahecticyear-roundpace.Whennotharvesting,sheisstrippingseeds,dryingherbsandcraftingflowersachetsandointments.Herdayscanbeginat7a.m.,endat1a.m.

The39-year-oldGillerwantstoshareherlifewithamanwhomakesherlaughandsupportsherdreams.She'sevenwillingtomaketimeforhim,potentiallylosingmoney,butshe'sjustnotsurehowtofindhim.

Whilechurchesandcommunitieshistoricallyprovidedmatchmakingforums,theyarenolongeradequate,saysPaulLasley,asociologyprofessoratIowaStateUniversity.WithshrinkingfarmlandinNewJerseyandacrossthecountry,smallfarmersfindthemselvesincreasinglyisolatedandworkinglonghourstostayafloat.

TheU.S.CensusBureauoffersnodataonsinglefarmers,buttherewere2.1millionfarmsin2002,downfrom3.1millionin1964.Theaveragefarmer'sageis55.InNewJersey,thepictureisnodifferent.Therewere9,900farmsin2002,comparedwith10,640in1964.

Slimpickens

So,ifGiller'sgotittoughlessthan50milesoutsideofNewYorkCity,imagineEricFynaardt'splight.

The23-year-oldSearsboro,Iowa,cropfarmerissearchingforawife,notjustarollinthehay.

But,inhistownof150people,ascant10aresingle.Andonlytwoofthemarewomen.

"Womenthinkwe'rehillbillyhickstiedtoourland,"Fynaardtsays."We'relookeddownupon.Girlssay,'Idon'twanttodatehim,Idon'twanttogobacktothefarm.Iwanttoexplorecitylife.'"

FynaardthasturnedtoInternetdatingsitestohelp.Some,likeFynaardt,seetheWebastheirlastfrontierofhope.

AnewWebsite,

ThoughbigWebsitesboastthousandsofmembers,theruralsetfounditwasstillslimpickingsforthem,saysJerryMiller,founderoffarmersonly.com.

Youdon'thavetobeafarmertojointhesite,butyouhaveto"understandthetraditionalfarmvalues,"hesays.AmarriedpublicistfortheAlpacaOwnersandBreedersAssociation,Millerstartedthesitetohelpdespairingfarmerfriends.

"Therearealotoflonelypeopleoutthere,"Millersays.

Thankstowidespreadmediaattention,Millersaysmembershipsurgedrecentlyto10,000.HekickedoffthesiteinMaywithacouplehundredpeople.

'Tragicallyhard'

TamiLinne,a42-year-oldcombineandtractordriverinBurrOak,IowacreditsthenewWebsiteforboostingherspirits.

"It'stragicallyhardouthere,"Linnesays."Idon'twanttobealonetherestofmylife."

Adivorcedmotherofthree,Linnesaysthemenshemeetsareeithertooyoung,tooold,toomarriedortoobusy.Thebar10milesawayboastsajukeboxandaswarmofcollegestudents.Butshe'slookingforapartner,notadrinkingbuddy.

Farmersonly.comopenednewworldstoLinne.ShetriedotherdatingWebsites,butthemenshefoundtherewerecityslickers.Now,shetalkstomenwhoknowthedifferencebetweentractorsandcombines.

"Nobodyhadanythingincommonwithme,"Linnesays."Theyalllivedinthecity.Whywouldtheybeinterestedinafarmgirl?"

BlainNewsomeisafarmersonly.comconverttoo.The24-year-oldDublin,Ohio,equestriancoachatahorsefarmwaswaryofWebdating.Butaftercheckingoutfarmersonly.com,Newsomechangedhermind.

Justtwomonthsintoheronlineexperiment,shemetChris,a27-year-oldfarmequipmentsalesman.They'vebeenontwodates.Thefirsttoarestaurant,thesecondtothezoo.Athirdisintheworks.

"There'snowaywewouldhavemetotherwise,"Newsomesaid."Ispend24/7atthefarm."

Toughlifestyle

AformerpresidentofFutureFarmersofAmerica,Newsometrieddatingcityboys.Itneverworked.

"Idon'twanttobabysitsomecityboywhoisafraidofsteppinginpoop,"Newsomesaid.

FrankCarrajatofMendhamrecentlycelebratedhisone-yearweddinganniversaryandsaysitwasn'teasyfindingsomeonelikehiswife.Someonewhowouldunderstandwhenheneedstowakeupat3a.m.toplowsnowandnotreturnhomefortwodays.

Becauseevenduringthewinter,he'sgotcrazyhours,fillinginthedowntimeonhishayfarmwithplowingsnowandsellingfirewoodinthewinter.

"Alotofgirlswerescaredtogetontractor,shehoppedrighton,"Carrajatsaysofhiswife,whoworksonahorsefarm.

Carrajat,26,optednottoattendcollegeandwentstraightintofarming,soitwasastruggletodatebeforemeetinghiswife.Hedatedcollegegirlsandhadahardtimeadjustingtotheirschedules.

"GirlsIdatedwantedtogooutat10p.m.andIwantedtogotosleep,"Carrajatsays.

Embracingafarmermeansembracingtheirlifestyleandthat'snotforthefaintofheart,saysKurtAlstede,amarriedChesterTownshipfarmer.

"It'saverychallengingwaytomakealiving,"Alstedesays."Downtimemeansa40-hourweekandarelativelyfreeweekend."

Butthat'sonlytwoorthreemonthsoutoftheyear--DecemberthroughFebruary.Bymid-March,workonthefarmisheatingupagain.Farmerseasilywork100hoursaweek,Alstedesays.

"TheNormanRockwellillusionoffarmingdoesn'texist,"Alstedesays."There'sadversityandpressure."

Againsttheodds

Itwasn'teasy30or40yearsagoeither,hesays,buttherewasmoreinthewayofcommunitythatbroughtpeopletogether.There'slessofthattoday,inadditiontofewerfarmers.

DanielFarrand,inWashingtonTownship,saysthelifestylemadeittoughtodate.Herememberedhowwomendidn'tappreciategettingcalledonarainySaturdayafternoonforadatelaterthatnight.

"IfiguredIwasfreethen,soI'dcall,"Farrandsayswithalaugh.

Farrandjoinedaskiclubandmethiswife,Janet,nowmarriedformorethan20years.

Thefarmcrisisofthe1980sdidmakethingsmoredifficult,saysLasleyatIowaStatesaid.Childrenwerediscouragedfrompursuingafarmer'slife,hesaid.Farmers'childrenweresenttocollege.Manydidn'treturn.

DavidStiggesaysthat'shisreality.GirlsathisKansashighschoolleftforcollegeandneverlookedback.Stiggeandhisbrotherremainedonhisfamily'sfarm,overseeing900headofcattleandhundredsofacresofwheat,cornandalfalfa.

Now,53andnevermarried,theKansasfarmersayshehasgivenupcompletely.

Stiggedates,butthewomenneverunderstandthefarmishispriority.HeattendedSinglesinAgriculture,the20-year-oldnationalorganizationwith650members,thatoriginallyservedasadatingservice.He'sdroppedoutofhislocalchaptersincethegroupevolvedintomoreofarecreationalclub.

Theoddsareagainsthim,Stiggeknows.Farmlifecan'tcompetewiththeglamourofcitylife,hesays.Hisbrothermarried,butStiggecallsitafluke.

"Hegotlucky,"Stiggesays.

LauraBrunocanbereachedat(973).