AP Comp Name ______
Revision Activity
“You must make frequent use of the eraser
if you want to write something that deserves a second reading”
-Horace The Satires (35 BC)
One of the keys to being a good writer is learning to revise. Any professional writer does it! Few writers write perfect copy on the first attempt.
Example: Look at how this sentence gradually evolves into a better and better thesis statement.
In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrayed her weird parents and childhood while growing up.
In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrayed her unusual childhood, and how it turned her into a successful writer .
In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrayed her unusual parents and dysfunctional childhood, even though she eventually became a successful writer.
In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrays her unusual parents and dysfunctional childhood as important parts of her development into a successful writer.
In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrays her unconventional parents and dysfunctional childhood as the foundation of her future success.
AP Comp Name ______
Revision Worksheet
Directions: Hand in with your final paper a Revision Worksheet. On this page you will list and explain several changes you made as your paper evolved into a final product. Set it up like this:
1. Number and label the change
2. Provide the original sentence or sentences you wrote (as it was originally written).
3. Skip a line and provide the r sentence or sentences you wrote in place of the original.
4. Skip a line and explain why you made the change or changes.
Here’s a sample to follow:
1. Thesis
Original: In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrayed her weird parents and childhood while growing up.
Revised: In The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls portrays her unconventional parents and dysfunctional childhood as the foundation of her future success.
Explanation: I changed my thesis because I realized it needed to be more clear, more specific and more sophisticated. My partner did not exactly compliment it during our peer review, so I asked myself “What exactly am I trying to say?” Reflecting on that question made me realize that I needed to make serious changes. I started with “weird parents” because I knew that sounded stupid as soon as I wrote it. Unusual seemed like a better choice of words. When I looked closely at the end of the sentence: “ and childhood while growing up” I realized this sounded stupid too, because it’s redundant (isn’t one’s childhood the same as growing up? Why say it twice?). I also wanted to add a second part to my thesis, because the real story is about how Jeannette overcomes her childhood. Then I changed my mind a few times on the best way to express my thesis, removing “parents” but then adding it back in; adding “dysfunctional” to modify “childhood”; changing “portrayed” to “portrays” because I realized my thesis needed to be written in present tense. Finally, a lightning bolt of inspiration hit me, and I thought of the word “foundation” as a more concise way to express the second half of my thesis. As I was changing the wording I looked up synonyms for “unusual” and decided “unconventional” sounded really cool. I’ve never used that word before but it seemed to fit and I decided to try it. Ultimately, my thesis is so much better!
Have fun and learn!