Interview
English
Lucy Newson
20th February 2013
Task. Write an interview between the young and old Adrian Mole. Minimum of 500 words and with a Maximum 700.
After many years of trying, Adrian Mole aged 13 ¾ has finally been able to get in contact with his older, 40 year old, self and find out the answers to the questions about his future that have worried him for many years.
Will I ever get to marry Pandora and raise four precious children together?
Unfortunately, yes. We, Pandora and I, were married in 1999, and had four precious little horrors before she divorced me for another man. I am of course left with the children who do nothing but run up the phone bill talking to their illusive girlfriends and boyfriends on holiday abroad, while I am currently jobless. It sounds familiar but I am not certain of why.
Why did Pandora break up with me?
Well… erm… that is a tricky question. Maybe it was because of that stupid neighbour next door who simply wouldn’t leave her alone. On the other hand it could have been the kids as they are enough to drive anyone insane.
So would you say it was ever my fault?
No! How dare you say such a thing!
Do I ever get my own back on Barry Kent?
Errrrrrr… yes?
How?
I don’t want to talk about it.
What happens to Bert Baxter?
He sadly passed away 10 years ago, I believe that it was beetroot poisoning but I am not quite sure. At his funeral Sabre ate his hand. I’m sure Bert would have found it very moving, we all did.
Do people finally recognise my intellectual abilities or are they yet to be acknowledged?
Well for years I have tried to encourage the raised awareness of intellectual abilities and how we have to appreciate them. But my wise words fall on deaf ears; it probably does not help that I am divorced and jobless but I will continue to strive for extra rights for those intellectuals among us.
You say I am jobless, but what was my job before and why did I lose it?
Well I lost it as my company was making cuts but I worked for a newspaper called ‘The Newspaper’ so I am not really surprised that they had to make cuts as it was a rubbish name to start with but, oh well.
Have the BBC finally come to their senses and published my poems?
Well… Not exactly. I have sent many to them and now I believe that I have overwhelmed them with my brilliance that they do not wish to even reply as they are so gobsmacked by the intelligence behind them. Of course I can forgive the BBC for this although others may see it as rude.
Will my spots ever go?
Yes they will although it will take some time and a lot of Clinique Spot cream to clear it up. If I was you, which I am but that is not the point, I would start saving now. If you do that, they will probably clear by the time you are twenty five.
25?
Yes sorry. I had to go through it so you will have to as well.
What ambitions do I have for the next 26¼ years?
In the next 26 ¼ years I firstly plan to sort out my marriage with Pandora, as it did not really go to plan. I know that I said I regret marrying her but I can’t cope with the kids much longer on my own and she is my biggest hope. Secondly, I am determined to get one of my poems noticed by a special agent as I have previously mentioned that I have given up with the BBC. I also plan to remember to feed the dog I have at the moment as he keeps looking at me like I haven’t fed him. I would also like to stay away from wrinkles by making sure that I eat all healthy food for the foreseeable future.
Who is my role model?
It may sound ridiculous but it will have to be my old dog.
Why?
Well after his death aged 16 in human years, I realised how much he had to put up with. His rations when we ran out of money, losing Mum when she went to live with creepy Mr Lucas…
What?!
Oh you don’t know about that yet… erm… well she comes back…
So… young Adrian Mole… how are you looking forward to getting older?
Erm… I’d rather not comment if that’s ok. (Gulp)!