Who I was, Am, and Will Be

When I was 8 years old...

Wish ______

Main interest ______

Biggest problem ______

Major accomplishment ______

My hero or role model ______

Description of myself ______

Right now in my life...

Wish ______

Main interest ______

Biggest problem ______

Major accomplishment ______

My hero or role model ______

Description of myself ______

Five years from today...

Wish ______

Main interest ______

Biggest problem ______

Major accomplishment ______

My hero or role model ______

Description of myself ______

Who Am I?

by Demetri MartinFebruary 28, 2011

Who am I? That is a simple question, yet it is one without a simple answer. I am many things—and I am one thing. But I am not a thing that is just lying around somewhere, like a pen, or a toaster, or a housewife. That is for sure. I am much more than that. I am a living, breathing thing, a thing that can draw with a pen and toast with a toaster and chat with a housewife, who is sitting on a couch eating toast. And still, I am much more.

I am a man.

And I am a former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust. I am also a Gemini, who is on the cusp.

I am “brother” and I am “son” and I am “father” (but just according to one person, who does not have any proof but still won’t seem to let it go). Either way, I am moving very soon and not letting her know about it. I am asking you to keep that between us.

I am trustworthy and loyal, but at the same time I am no Boy Scout. No, I am certainly not. I am quite the opposite, in fact. And by opposite I do not mean Girl Scout. No. I mean Man Scout. And by that I do not mean Scout Leader. In fact, I am not affiliated with the Scouts at all. Let’s just forget about the Scouts and Scouting altogether, O.K.?

I am concepts and thoughts and feelings and outfits. And I am each of these all at once, unless I am in the shower. Then I am not outfits, because that would be uncomfortable.

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!”

I am he and I am him. I am this and I am that. And I am, from time to time, Roberta, if I am in a chat room.

People have known me by many titles. In high school, I was Student and Key Club Vice-President and Queer Bait. In college, I was Pledge and then Disappointed and then Transfer Student. I am still amazed at how picky certain so-called “brotherly” organizations can be. And I am actually glad that they didn’t choose me for their stupid fraternity.

To some I am fantasy, and to others I am Frank, mostly because I have told them that this is my name—even though it is not even close to my name. I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

I have been called Hey, You! and Get Out of the Way! and Look Out! And then, some time later, Plaintiff.

I am my own worst critic. I am going to give you an example. “That’s not me enough” is the kind of thing I am prone to say about myself. See what I mean? I am sure you do.

I am the silent majority.

I am a loud minority.

I am not talking about Puerto Ricans when I say that, because I am not a racist. I am just clearing that up. In fact, I am pretty sure I have at least one friend from each of the races (Hi, Guillermo).

I am friend. I am foe. I am fo’ sho’. What up, y’all?

I am sorry about that. I was just talking to one of my race friends, a black one. I am white and I am black. And I am both of these when I am dressed as a mime. And then I am sh-h-h.

I am Batman, but only on Halloween. And then I am not invited to many parties. But I am fine with that, because that just makes me an even more accurate Batman (because Batman does not go to parties as Batman but only as Bruce Wayne). I am right about this.

I am someone who likes to go to the park. But I am not the guy with the Labrador retriever and the tennis ball and the tattered book under his arm, who is wearing fleece and is kind of tan. No. I am not that guy. I am sick of that guy and all the women who talk to him.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you’re probably thinking of. I am the Other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to lie around on a beach for too long.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

I am the sun. I am the moon. I am the rain, I am the earth. …

I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I am often the one they call You but I am no more You than you. I am me. And I am more Me than you are or can ever be. And one time I was Corey for almost five minutes while I was talking with a stranger, until she realized that I was not her friend Corey.

I am neither here nor there, but there—a little to the left. Yeah. That’s me.

I am waving at you. I am waving right at you now.

I am looking right at you.

I am sensing that you don’t know me. I am starting to feel awkward.

I am getting out of here. ♦

Read more:

Reflecting about Writing

1. Complete the following: When I think about writing, I think of…

______

2. What are some reasons that having good writing skills are important in today’s world? List at least 3.

______

______

3. In your opinion, what are your strengths as a writer? List at least one positive idea!

______

______

4. What aspect(s) of your writing do you think need(s) the most improvement?

______

______

This class will focus on three modes of writing. Next to each mode, write what you know or think you know already about that specific type of writing. It’s okay to make an educated guess!

  • Definition:
  • Argument:
  • Narration/Description:

Senior English Outside Reading Selection for CP and Honors

The following titles are a list of works available to be checked out in the school library. Books not listed must be approved by your instructor.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Chosen, The

Complete Maus, The(CP only)

Darfur Diaries

Dark Heart of Italy, The(Honors only)

God Grew Tired of Us

I Am the Messenger

In the Time of Butterflies

Joy Luck Club, The

Kite Runner, The

Learning to Bow(CP only)

Life of Pi

Love in the Time of Cholera(Honors only)

Memoirs of a Geisha

Namesake, The

Nectar in a Sieve(CP only)

Night Trilogy

Persepolis I and Persepolis II(must read both as 1 selection)

Princess(CP only)

Princess Sultana's Circle(CP only-Honors must read #2 and #3 together)

Princess Sultana's Daughters

Samurai's Garden (CP only)

Sister of My Heart(CP only)

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

Things Fall Apart

Three Cups of Tea(Honors only)

West of Kabul, East of New York(CP only)

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Turnitin.com Account Creation Instructions

  1. Go to
  2. In the top right corner, click on “Create Account” or “New User”.
  3. Select “student” from the drop down menu, and click “next”.
  4. **Enter Class ID ______and password ______. Click “next”.
  5. Enter your email address, and click “next”.

(If you do not have an email address, you may create a fake one @turnitin.com. Example: ).

  1. Read the criteria for a password, and enter one. (Make sure you keep a record of this in a safe place! A good option is to create a document called “passwords” on your F drive and save this info there). When finished, click “next”.
  2. Select your secret question and answer, and click “next”.
  3. Enter your first and last names, and select “US” and “Pennsylvania” from the drop down menus. Click “next” when finished.
  4. Click on “I agree. . .”
  5. Click on “Start wizard and login”, and you should see a page listing your class period. This is your student homepage.

**NOTE: If you already have an account, click on “Retrieve Password”. Your password will be emailed to the email you used to set up your account shortly. Check it and then log-in. You will then need to follow JUST step 4 to add my class.

To submit an assignment:

  1. Go to
  2. Enter name and password you selected.
  3. Click on the class name to enter the class.
  4. Find the appropriate assignment, and click on the “submit” icon.

(This icon should look like a piece of paper with a blue arrow).

  1. I recommend you do a “file upload” rather than “cut & paste”.
  2. Click on “browse” and locate your file.
  3. Click on “submit”, and you should be taken to a page which previews your submission. Once you are sure this is the document you wish to upload, confirm your submission, IF YOU DO NOT CONFIRM YOUR SUBMISSION IS NOT COMPLETE!
  4. You should be taken to your “digital receipt”. You should also receive any email. You should print this for YOUR records. IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE A “DIGITAL RECEIPT” RESUBMIT OR THE ASSIGNMENT WILL NOT BE COUNTED.
  5. You can resubmit your document as often as you like up until the time the pre-determined deadline.

TIP: Allow yourself at least thirty minutes to submit an assignment. If the site is busy or if your computer freezes, the assignment may end up being counted as LATE! Plan ahead.

Email Address Used:______

Password Chosen:______

Secret Question:______

Secret Answer:______

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SOAPSTone Analysis

Your Name:Date:
Title of Work:Author:
This is an example of (circle one) NON-FICTION or FICTION

For each of the following, identify in complete sentences as much information as you can. Use partial quotations from the work where possible to support your analysis. If nothing can be identified about that particular aspect of the work, please write “No information available.” DO NOT LEAVE BLANK SPACES!

Speaker—Who is the speaker? Consider age, gender, socio-economic class, political or religious bias, level of education, and any other noteworthy traits.
Occasion—What is the context in which the piece was WRITTEN (NOT necessarily the setting of the story if it is one)? Consider what may have prompted the author to write the piece and what historical/cultural events may have led to its writing or publication.
Audience—Who is the intended audience for this piece? Examine how the author uses specific vocabulary or other devices to reach a specific kind of person. Consider race, politics, gender, social class, religion, level of education, historical period, or anything else of note.
Purpose—What was the author intending to accomplish by writing this? This might include things like self-reflection, entertainment, information, persuasion, identification of a problem, enlightenment, financial gain, attention-getting, or emotional expression.
Subject—What is the main focus of the piece?
TONE—What is the author’s attitude about the subject? What emotions are conveyed, and in what way? Think about such things as diction, figurative language, characterization, plot, theme, and structure.

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