De-escalation Techniques

when conversations are ESCALATING…

DE-ESCALATION: helping someone return to baseline state (stable) so they can manage their needs

PRIMARY TOOL: Effective communication

BEFORE ESCALATION OCCURS…ponder the following:

  • Conflict occurs anytime two people do not agree
  • You are in-charge of how you react and communicate verbally and non-verbally – assess your emotions
  • Shift your thinking about a situation and you change the outcome
  • Changing your own behavior, you change the outcome of the situation
  • Understand conflict is NOT personal - rationally detach and do NOT be defensive
  • The trigger point for escalation is a perception of threat (of any kind – physical, emotional, intellectual)
  • Accept responsibility for your part in any conflict and apologize for it

CHALLENGE: Meet the escalating situation with a healthy response without over-reacting

  • A situation is spiraling out of control and now you or someone else is threatened
  • Natural response is to react and protect (fight or flight response)
  • We can control our own “flight/fight” response with awareness
  • Our awareness can help us maintain self-control and allow us to THINK critically

CONSTANTLY ASSESS WHAT IS HAPPENING:

  • Evaluate the person’s behavior before acting/intervening
  • Listen with empathy to try and understand where the person is coming from – sometimes all we need to do is allow a person to vent
  • Consider any responses asfeedback (this is not an attack to you – try not to take it personally):
  • What is driving the behavior?
  • What is the person’s motivation?
  • Does the person simply need to vent?
  • What does the person hope to gain? Or avoid?
  • Focus on feelings, “Tell me what that feels like” or “That must be scary”
  • Seek alternatives that meet the person’s needs
  • Use active listening techniques (give undivided attention, ask clarifying questions, paraphrase responses, and ask open-ended questions)
  • Acknowledge and accept emotions/feelings – FREE of JUDGEMENT
  • Apologize if the situation is unjust or unfair – a sincere apology is powerful

SPECIFIC TIPS – easy in concept, achieving them is not always easy

  • Manage yourself physically and mentally BEFORE any encounter
  • Trust your instincts
  • Obtain the name of the person with whom you are speaking
  • Reflect respect and dignity and suspend judgement
  • Appear confident, but NOT cocky – unplug the power struggle
  • Come with knowledge, empathy and understanding of the situation
  • Knowledge on funding, resources, and information
  • Work toward collaboration and building relationship
  • Reduce direct eye contact, do not stare
  • Allow adequate space – give ground and avoid sudden movements like sitting down, backing away
  • Silence works – you add no fuel to the fire and others will generally start talking
  • Touching can increase the risk of escalation, even just a light touch on the arm or shoulder
  • Formulate a PLAN – looking to the future rather than the past – considering how do we move to the next step together
  • Talk in a lower modulated tone of voice
  • If the situation continues to escalate,stop – sometimes our best option is to respectfully end the current conversation and revisit the discussion at another time
  • It is critical to come back later for resolution
  • Consider boundaries, modeling, accountability
  • Stay focused on your goal and hopefully everyone remains safe
  • Believe that you have an impact – you do!

PROCESS GUIDELINESwhen calm returns:

  • Practice helps – use these techniques in all circumstances…at home, in the office, on the street, at the grocery store
  • Whenever possible, debrief what happened to learn how to handle things even better the next time
  • Remember, that by searching and discovering a peaceful solution, you canpositively impact the situation

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