What Is an Extrovert?
Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.
Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around.
When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough.
Extroverts enjoy social situations and even seek them out since they enjoy being around people. Their ability to make small talk makes them appear to be more socially adept than introverts (although introverts may have little difficulty talking to people they don't know if they can talk about concepts or issues).
Implications of Extroversion
Extrovert behavior seems to be the standard in American society. That means that more people in the general population are extroverts rather than introverts. Studies suggest that up to 75% of the general population consists of extroverts.
Because the majority of people are extroverts, behavior tends to be judged against the ways an extrovert would behave. For example, an introvert, who often prefers solitude to a crowd, is seen as shy or judged to have some kind of social disorder. Introverts who don't want to participate in group work are seen as not being team players.
However, extroverted behavior is simply manifesting the way an extrovert interacts with the world.
Because extroverts are energized by interaction with other people, extroverted children may need some time to wind down after having spent time socializing with other children. For example, if an extroverted child attends a party, he can come home still quite excited. She may want to talk about what happened at the party, if not with her parents, then with her friends. If the party is in the evening, the extroverted child may have a hard time getting to sleep because she is still full of energy.
An extroverted child may be quiet and get bored easily when he has to spend too much time alone. Once he is around others, however, he may immediately perk up.
What many people don't realize is that an extrovert can also be shy. This can be difficult because the extrovert really does crave company, but the shyness can make interactions with people they don't know fill them with anxiety. Shy, extroverted children are those who are probably most in need of help overcoming their shyness.
Unlike introversion, shyness is not a permanent personality trait.
What is an Introvert?
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has elements of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Being shy and being introverted aren't the same thing, although they may look the same. An introvert enjoys time alone and gets emotionally drained after spending a lot of time with others. A shy person doesn't necessarily want to be alone, but is afraid to interact with others.
Consider two children in the same classroom, one introverted and one shy. The teacher is organizing an activity for all the children in the room. The introverted child wants to remain at her desk and read a book because she finds being with all the other children stressful. The shy child wants to join the other children, but remains at her desk because she is afraid to join them.
Children can be helped to overcome their shyness, but introversion is as much a part of a person as is hair or eye color. In other words, people can get therapy for shyness, but not for introversion.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
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They tend to be far more interested in discussions about God's existence or the foundation of freedom than what the Kardashians are up to.
Studies have found that there are more introverts among the gifted population than there are among the general population. Linda Silverman, for example, found that 66% of the gifted population are introverts.
How Do You Know If You Are an Introvert?
First, you have to remember that introversion and shyness aren't the same thing. Then you can ask yourself these questions:
- Do you want to be alone after spending time around other people? Introverts are drained by social interaction and need time alone to re-energize.
- Do you have many friends and enjoy their constant company? Or you have just a few, close friends, enjoying their company, but then also enjoy time by yourself? Introverts do not need or want constant company.
- Do you get excited about the prospect of going to a party or other social function, but then may sit quietly in a corner talking with one or two good friends or do you mix and mingle with everyone? Introverts can be just as excited as an extrovert at the prospect of going to a party, but may become overwhelmed by all the noise and activity. Sitting and talking to just one or two people can be introverts idea of fun.
- Do you tend to be rather quiet when the discussions are about trivial matters, what we call small talk, but are talkative when the discussions are on deeper issues? Introverts are just not very interested in what they consider insignificant matters, but they can talk your ear off if you give them a chance to talk about their favorite topic in-depth.
If is quite possible for people to be a little of both. In fact, it is more likely for a gifted person to be equally introverted and extroverted than it is for someone in the general population to be equally both. The important thing to remember is that introversion is a personality trait. It doesn't need fixing!