English

Level 2

US8825: Produce transactional writing in complex forms (Version 4)

See also:
The 8825 standard (including special notes)
The clarification document for writing
The clarification document for US8825 (not yet on the web)
Page 3-5 of the current National Moderator’s Report
The internal assessment resources for this standard available on English On-line.

Credit criteria for 8825:

1.1 Writing develops idea(s).
1.2 Ideas are logically developed, sequenced, and supported by relevant details and/or examples.
1.3 Conventions of chosen form are observed and are appropriate to the purpose of the writing.
Range: conventions could include text organisation, use of different sentence structures, paragraphs, use of different language features, literary devices observing conventions may include deliberately subverting them.
1.4 Final product is crafted to publication standard.
Range: publication standard means that technical accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and syntax is sufficient so that the writing could be published in a class or school newspaper or magazine with a few minor alterations.
Range: at least three pieces chosen from categories such as informative writing, persuasive writing, expository writing; forms could include report writing, speech writing, review, feature writing, editorial, literary essay.
The following are grade boundary student answers for this standard.
The first three samples are just below the required standard for one or more criteria.
Samples four, five and six just meet the standard for all four criteria.
All six samples have been annotated to explain why they just meet or do not meet the standard.

Student sample 1:

Category: expository writing Text form: Feature writing (profile)
Why does this response not yet meet the standard at Credit?
1.1: Ideas about the profiled student are developed
1.2: The ideas are logically sequenced, developed and supported.
1.3: The conventions of a profile are observed. There is a range of language structures.
1.4: The work has too many errors and is not fluent. The work is not crafted to publication standards.
Tense inconsistencies (italicized) from the beginning of the piece and continued throughout (1.4 Final product is crafted to publication standard). Character introduced appropriately (1.3 conventions of chosen form)
The main ideas about the character (his difference from ‘the norm’ and his ability at badminton) are developed throughout the piece (1.1 Writing develops idea(s)).
The five body paragraphs are logical developments of the character profiled: his background and motivation, his successes as a player, his role as a motivator/coach, his goals, his study interests). Some of these paragraphs are more successfully developed than others; most points made have adequate supporting details (1.2, Ideas are logically developed, sequenced, and supported by relevant details and/or examples).
The text uses a range of structures and language features: direct quotations, questions and answers, interviewer opinion. Although there is sentence variation it is not always effective, for example in the first paragraph (He was 12 years old. And intermediate student. He was slightly older than others who may start at a younger age) and the 4th paragraph (He wanted to beat his friend. He had a target. He set the goal and that attracted him to become the best Badminton player. I sensed he will do this. In the next five years, he wants to keep coaching players. He has a dream. He is hoping to take one North Island team to Australia. He is being ambitious and aiming towards his goal). (1.3, conventions of chosen form, use of different structures)
The work is not sufficiently crafted to publication standard (1.4).There is a range of errors: singular/plural mis-matches; incorrect word choice, awkward expressions and structures, missing definite/indefinite articles and tense changes.
The final paragraph appropriately concludes the ideas developed in the profile (1.2). Expression is awkward (said he must be away to go to over the centre for Badminton coaching and also study along the way) (1.3) /

Marvelous Mark's Motivation

Right from when I first met Mark Wu, I sensed he was different. Mark was a true sportsman. He is of average height, rather stocky in build with a dark complexion. He looked like he would be at ease on the Badminton court. He was wearing a black zipped hood jacket with track pants, indicating his love for sport.
His father was the prime motivator for him joining playing Badminton. He was 12 years old. And intermediate student. He was slightly older than others who may start at a younger age. "My father came around with me, because he liked it. I did feel a bit of pressure as I got older," he added. In the early days of his training, he spent at a minimum of two — three hours everyday including weekends. The reason he played everyday was because he had a late start and he wanted catch up to his peers. Mark made many sacrifices along the way. He gave up watching television, he gave up playing computer games — he even gave up his social life and made it his second priority.
Mark appears modest person. He played for the Number One Badminton team when he was attending Sunshine College, later he reached the North Island team. This was the highest level he achieved as a player. "Yes, I entred almost every competitions that I could," when asked about his motivation. In most competitions, I managed to win 70 to 80 percentages of my game." He smiled with quiet modesty. A marvelous role made for other students.
Just by looking at him, many people would not probably realize that Mark W was such a motivator. I had to quiz him closely to find out that he had won many trophies. Later he quickly mentioned that he had been elected as chairman of the Badminton association. "I would like to stay as a coach," he admitted. How could he fit it all in with his studies at Auckland University of Technology? His reply to my question about juggling studying and coaching was "I take my study notes to Badminton training in between watching and encouraging the players." "I like to meet my dead lines early." Obviously his influence on his team players would extend beyond just playing Badminton.
One of Mark's friends had been his inspiration in playing top level Badminton. He wanted to beat his friend. He had a target. He set the goal and that attracted him to become the best Badminton player. I sensed he will do this. In the next five years, he wants to keep coaching players. He has a dream. He is hoping to take one North Island team to Australia. He is being ambitious and aiming towards his goal.
As for making a career out of Badminton, Mark W does not think he will do so. He finishes our interview by stating that he as only interested in Badminton as a part time activity, not as a full time career. There is no change in his mind. He seemed to like the idea of further concentrate on study and enjoy playing Badminton for his hobby as well. There is no reason why he cannot combine both pursuits.
As we finished the interview he stood up gently, thanked me (it should be me thinking him) for all his efforts and said he must be away to go to over the centre for Badminton coaching and also study along the way.
Fair took my breath away!

Student sample 2:

Category: expository/persuasive writing Text form: Film Review
Why does this response not yet meet the standard at Credit?
1.1: The work consists mainly of plot details. Although there is a loose link to an idea (justice) it is not sufficiently developed.
1.2: The paragraphs do not appear to be organised logically; the details provided support plot rather than ideas.
1.3: Although there are some aspects of the text that meet the conventions of a film review (remembering that there are numerous varieties of reviews) the reliance on plot and limited reference to other aspects normally associated with film reviews makes this extremely borderline for this criterion.
1.4: The work has a range of errors Syntax errors mean that the work needs re-crafting; it is not yet crafted to publication standard.
Although the name of the film is not mentioned here, the introduction is generally appropriate (1.3, conventions of chosen form)
The first two body paragraphs outline the plot.
The third body paragraph outlines another aspect of the plot and gives some setting and background information.
The fourth paragraph outlines the main character’s motivation.
Teachers are reminded that this standard requires ‘written text in complex forms’ i.e. a straight account of something is not sufficient to meet the standard at this level. Therefore this text does not meet the requirements of the text form – film review (conventions of a review, 1.3).
Although there is a loose link through the review to the idea of justice, it is insufficiently developed because of the concentration on plot details, The work does not meet 1.1 (writing develops idea(s).
The body paragraphs are not logically sequenced (1.2, ideas are logically developed, sequenced, and supported by relevant details and/or examples.) The third paragraph goes back to the beginning of the film, and the fourth paragraph would be better placed before the other three. Although detail is given, it is used to support plot rather than ‘ideas’.
The work does not meet 1.4 (final product is crafted to publication standard). There are many basic spelling errors (father/farther, there/their, quite/quiet), apostrophe, uppercase and punctuation errors.
There are awkward stylistic constructions (1.3 sentence structures). For example: italicized section.
Conclusion meets the requirements of the conventions for this form (1.3). Crafting errors continue (1.4): syntax, punctuation and capitalisation errors. /

Review of crooked earth directed by Sam Pillsbury.

In 1840 the treaty of Waitangi was signed in New Zealand by colonial representives of queen Victoria, and 580 Maori chiefs. The treaty promised Maori ownership and control of their lands. But over the next 130 years, most of their land was taken. In the 1980’s Maori leaders forced the government to honour the broken treaty, and the long battle for justice began….
This film begins when Wilf Bastion (Temuera Morrison) returns to Raukawa after 20years service in the army,. His farther has died leaving behind a sacred greenstone Patu, which is seen as the mantle of leadership. The Patu is to be past down to will but he declines as he thinks it represents the violence he left in the army. Looking for peace and quite in his home town he soon finds out about the ongoing trouble with the rights fully owned Maori land, and that his family and community are torn apart, and they turn to him for help. Wills brother, rebel leader of the local gang Kahu Bastion (Laurence Makoare) has used his gang and drug dealing criminals from the city to turn the village into a dope growing haven. The gang has no care in the world, frightens and punishes anyone who interferes with there business. With the Patu, Kahu and his gang put the village into fear and pain which attracts will to rescue the village and to transform Ngati Kaipuku.
Adding to the confusion Wills daughter Ripeka Bastion 17(Jaime Passier-Armstrong) returns for her grandfathers’ funeral. This doesn't help Will as he has more issues to think about especially when one of Kahu's right hand men Api (Quinton Hapi) makes things worse by interfering with Ripeka_
The first scene where we see Ripeka is the reason why she and her farther returned to Raukura for. For the funeral of wills farther, this scene is the beginning of all the drama. It shows that Kahu is the bad guy and wants the Patu for the better part of keeping the tribe independent from the government and getting the land back. Ripeka is here to add more matter onto Wills plate, and that will doesn't want the Patu but has to fix everything. This first scene also shows that this movie has an NZ Maori/modern western feel to it. When Kahu rides down to the Marae with a pack of horse riding natives, across the country and through the Raukura Township showing there dominancy as the towns people spread and make way watching Kahu and his gang gallop away.
Will came for One thing, quote "I came to burry the old man, not to take his place." But with all the commotion his brother is going on with it is his destiny to take the Patu and lead Ngati Kaipuku because without him Ngati Kaipuku is nothing!
This film is a must see and runs for 106mins, this film is terrific for viewers 15 and over. So if you want to see a high packing breath taking exciting NZ film about the struggle of one man trying to save the future of a tribe, then crooked earth is the film for you.
'Sometimes you've got to fight for your future”

Student sample 3:

Category: expository writing Text form: Feature writing
Why does this response not yet meet the standard at Credit?
1.1: The piece does not sufficiently develop any significant ideas
1.2: The paragraphs, although logically ordered and on the topic of violence, do not develop ideas with any supporting evidence
1.3: The piece does meet the conventions in terms of structure and style
1.4: The piece is generally accurate.
Although the introduction establishes the topic of the piece, that ‘violence is inescapable in today’s world’, it would be more effective if the piece had a less obvious and more controversial ‘argument’ to discuss.