Ovid Amores 3.4
Unyielding husband, you are achieving nothing (getting nowhere) by putting a guard on a tender young girl. Every girl must be guarded by her own good character. If any girl puts her fear aside and is chaste, she is chaste anyway; the girl who dares not do wrong just because it is not allowed actually does wrong. Even if you have already successfully kept her body, her mind is adulterous, and no girl can be guarded so that she does not want it. And you cannot keep her body safe although you shut up all entrances; even with everyone shut out, an adulterer will be inside. A girl who is allowed to stray strays less; the very opportunity for doing wrong makes the seeds of wrongdoing feebler. (10) Trust me, stop provoking her faults by forbidding them; you will defeat them more effectively by your indulgence. Recently I saw a horse, stubborn against its bridle, going like lightning with a straining mouth. He halted as soon as he felt the reins slacken and the bridle lying loose on his flying mane. We always strive for what is forbidden and long for what is denied; so a sick man is drawn to forbidden waters. Argus had a hundred eyes in his forehead and a hundred on the back of his head, and yet Love singlehandedly often outwitted them all. (20) Danae, who as a virgin had been committed to a bedroom forever strong in iron and stone, became a mother. Penelope remained unsullied (undefiled/unenticed) among so many young male suitors although she had no guard. We long more for anything that is guarded, and that protection attracts the thief; few people love what another allows. That girl is desirable not because of her face but because of her husband’s love; men think that what fascinates you has a certain something. The girl whose husband watches over her does not become virtuous but a prized adulteress; the fear of being caught is a greater prize than her body. (30) Although you are angry, illicit pleasure pleases. Only if a woman can say ‘I am afraid’ is she desirable. However, it is not lawful to keep watch on a free-born girl; let this fear drive/act on the peoples of a foreign race. Isn’t it obvious that she is to be chaste for the glory of your guard, just so that her guard can say ‘I did it’? A man whose adulterous wife hurts him is too much of a country bumpkin, and he does not have enough of the well known ways/customs of the City (Rome) in which the (illegitimate) sons of Mars, Romulus, son of Ilia, and Ilia’s son Remus, were not born free from stigma. (40) Why did you go for a beautiful girl if she could not please you unless she was chaste? These two qualities cannot by any means go together. If you are wise, give in to your mistress and get rid of those grim expressions (frowns) and do not observe the rights of an unyielding husband and cherish the friends which your wife shall have given (she will give you a lot); in this way great gratitude comes to you with little effort; in this way you will always be able to go to young men’s parties and see many presents about the house which you haven’t given.